You must definitely tell the affiar partner's faithful spouse. They has every right to know "whats going on in their marriage"
When my WW said she felt stalked on my confrontation day with her, I responded with "So you dont think I have any right to know whats going on in my marriage becasue I do think i have every right to know what's going on my my marriage?..
she didnt say one word..that stops them in their tracks.
If was my friends @ SI that continued to prompt me to tell my wayward wife's affair partner's faithful wife. and to this day i cannot say thank you enough for that support.
I called AP's wife on the phone (turned off my caller ID on my cell) and called almost 20 times in one day and she finally answered.
I then identified myself, and told her that her husband and my wife were having an affair, and her response was "it doesnt suprise me". calmly too
To this day she thanks me over and over for making that call. She attributs my support to her of trying to repair her marriage in fact she told her wayward husband on several occasions, if it wasnt for me she would have "D" him.
We continued to stay in contact for months watching our wayward's every move until the real NC occurred in July 2012. We do talk occasionally just to see how things are going.
Thats how we knew that NC had not occurred becasue we stayed in contact.
NC did eventually occur (intiated by my WW) and we both are working on our marriages.
Affairs thrive in secrecy, breaking that secrecy will usually stop the affair. AP caved in immediately, confessed everything to his faithful wife and threw my WW under the bus, my WW was empotionally involved (just like the books say)and it took longer for her to come out of the "fog".
I am sending you strength to advise the AP's faithful spouse becasue they have every right to know whats going on in their marriage and get thru this mess your broken wayward spouse got your family into
I also sent AP's wife several books from amazon. "Not just Friends" by Shirley Glass is one of the best as is "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair?"
her WW- 57
7 yr LTA (PA & EA-maybe 10yrs?) with her former boss
one d-24 yrs old
married 25 yrs
and its been roller-coaster
confronted 6 wks later
Fog, denials, blame shifting, rub sweeping, TT you name it and she did it but things are finally getting better very slowly
its a long road....and painful
edited for spelling
[This message edited by hurtsobadinside at 8:46 AM, September 1st (Sunday)]