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Im ready to give up, finally!

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brokenhearted475 posted 9/1/2013 08:50 AM

Dday was on June 28, 2013. He said he was leaving because he was unhappy. His 19yr old gf called me about three weeks later. (He is 40).I have struggled with the 180 cause he's always showing up at my door for the kids. Had sex with him a half a dozen times or more so he cheated on his gf with me. I contacted her and confronted her amd told her the truth. At first she didn't believe me then she came around. Said she didn't want him he needed to be with his family. For three weeks or more he's been saying he wants to be with me and loves me....but is telling her the opposite and that he loves her. She kicked him out I took him back said he wanted to reconcile and see a counselor for his lying problem. Said there was gonna be no more lying ever. He was home for six days and went to her everyday begging to come back to her. He told me he didn't. He treated me lile crap last night saying he never wanted me and tht I need to leave her alone. She spoke nicely to me and said I deserved better. Shes still a backstabbing -----! She wants him as much as he wants her. Why did he mess with my mind all these weeks. He was telling her were divorcing and telling me he wants to fix things between us. I told him I want him to leave he said "no since u messed up my chance with her you're stuck with me". He told me was trying to get rid of me without hurting me then he said he was glad i didnt move on and start dating someone else. Now I just hurt more deeply than ever. If I had only done the 180. I'm lost and feel hopeless. I can't even begin to believe tht true love really exists.

Girlietoo posted 9/1/2013 09:10 AM

Wow, your husband is very cruel. I have a surprise for him though, you are absolutely NOT stuck with him. You have the power to call it quits any time you damn well please.

I'm sorry your WH isn't/wasn't remorseful and immediately willing to rebuild your marriage. My WH was involved with someone much younger as well- an additional kick in the self esteem teeth.

I don't know much about recovery from infidelity as I'm pretty new myself, but I do know that your WS doesn't deserve you and the gift of reconciliation that you offered him.

devasted30 posted 9/1/2013 09:18 AM

I agree with Girlietoo - your husband is very cruel. He is, obviously, hurting too and striking out at you the person he should be treating with kid gloves and showing remorse too etc.
Give it time. Strange things happen. When my WS left, he was determind that it was over between us - the I love you but I'm not in love with you routine. There were times when I felt he was deliberately cruel to me too. He thought he was just trying to tell me like it's the "fog". I hate that word, but it's true...they really are in a fog.
My WS came back after 11 weeks. He realized how very much he loved me - I knew all along - read my story and you'll see why some of this happened to us. There were times when I thought all was lost, but he's been back since January 1st and is extremely remorseful - way more now then when he first returned. He is so much more understanding of me and himself. He realize the magnitude of my hurt etc. He wasn't cruel when he first returned but he was "hard" - I honestly think it was a defense mechanism. If you love your WS and want to truly R then start the 180 - hold to it and hang in there. Surprising things could happen. If it isn't meant to be, you'll find out pretty quickly.
Good Luck.

1DumbHusband posted 9/2/2013 02:04 AM


I am a FWH. I am sorry for the pain and anguish you feel. I girlie and devastated that your H is very cruel and manipulative. While I was not as cruel as your H, I was cruel in my own ways to my BS. I want to echo Girlies are not stuck and reconciliation and forgiveness is a gift. I am desperately trying to R with my wife and doing whatever it takes to give her a reason to stay. I look at the things I am changing about myself, and the efforts I'm putting forth for my BS and I get upset when I hear stories like yours. All BSes don't deserve what their WS has put them through. But to compound that with abuse is unacceptable. I wish you strength and courage during your time of need!

Eyeofthetiger posted 9/2/2013 07:24 AM

So sorry to hear your story. I am in a similar situation. My husband left me while he was having an affair with a 19 year old. He says he ended it shortly after he left but still doesn't want to be with me.

Hang in there. I don't know how to get through this either.

ionlytalkedtoher posted 9/2/2013 08:26 AM

I'm so sorry. This is so sad.

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