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Newest Member: Else (61873)

User Topic: 1 month out from dday
♀ 40381
Member # 40381
Question  Posted: 8:55 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been lurking for 3 weeks so I think it's time for my story. 4 weeks ago I found out my WH had cheated. At first all I knew was our neighbor/friend gave him a bj a year ago while I was out of town with our boys. Apparently she has a big mouth in more ways than 1. She bragged about it to her cousin, who then told my BFF who then told me. Mind you, I found out during the time that WH had been given a great offer at a new job out of state. Here I had been so worried about moving and taking our older 2 out of a great school that they are really excelling in. I immediately texted "friend" she confirmed said she was so so sorry, whatevs. Then I confronted WH, he to confirmed. I told him to sit down and spill it all. I knew he didn't screw up 10yrs with me and our family with her, that there must be others. Of course at that time he swore that was all there was to tell. We already had a mc appt for next day so we went. Nothing new came out there. Then started the TT. It took 3 weeks to finally get All the info. It was more than a bj, there was fondling while skinny dipping in MY pool, flashing, etc. As well as 2 other women. 1 was 2 years ago when he was out of town they were drinking and making out in the hot tub. ( I don't believe him that it didn't go further) there was another woman After the neighbor from his gym. That ended up being call,texts and nekkid pics of their junk to each other. Anyways, I'm done. I had been unhappy for over 2 years. I went to IC and Psych for meds. I was trying to figure out why I was unhappy and to figure out what I wanted and needed. I would have never separated and tore our family apart just cuz mommy was unhappy. I would have stayed and been miserable for 50 more years. But no, he wasn't happy either, he saw an IC but never told them about a's! He went out and got his rocks off elsewhere. So now I don't have to feel like I wanted out for being unhappy. I want out for my sanity, my right to find me, and to,pursue my own happiness within. We haven't told the boys yet. Dad is actually moving into a new house less than 1/4 mi, in our neighborhood. Our only concern at this point is the kids and trying to show them that mom and dad are having adult issues and can't stay in house together, but we all love them, etc. Also, we want them to be able to see dad everyday if they would like, etc. that's why he is moving out into home so close.
Well, I've rambled long enough, thanks for any and all support or comments and Thanks for this site!

me- bs 39(forever)
Ds 13,6.5,4.5
Dsd 15 and 14
Dss 11

Me-BS 39 and holding
WW- 42
3ds 13,6.5,4.5
2sd 15,14
SS -11
Dday 8-3-13

Posts: 8 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NC
♀ 29130
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


prior to D-day, I was unhappy too. Couldn't understand what was going on. The I found out about the PA, although I knew it was his choice to cheat rather than dealing with our issues in a healthy manner, I wondered what I had done too. Then I found out about his online EA and other inappropriate online relationships 2 years prior. I don't think he understood how his online cheating was draining our M.

Just take it one day at a time and hang in there

[This message edited by isadora at 10:13 AM, September 1st (Sunday)]

Me: BW Him: who cares
Divorced: 4/2015
2 DDs and DSs all under 10
Who knows how many affairs at this point
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.

Posts: 4722 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
♂ 17484
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like you're in a good, firm place - knowing why it is healthy to get out...
Sometimes, an A, or the way the A happens is a dealbreaker, and that's ok.

I updated my tagline too

Strength to you!

Posts: 7269 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
♂ 40268
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sorry you are in this mess but it sounds like you are handling it well considering. looking back now , I am 5 months from d day and I now realize how and why I was so unhappy in my marriage and I also would have lived a unhappy life with her because I truly loved her . After finding out about her infidelity right at the very end I realized why we had so many marital problems mostly for the last 2 yrs out of 18 together.It sounds like you also saw it. It gave me a timeline after finding out who it was and that timeline started exactly when the marriage ended (big coincidence) 2 yrs before d day , 2 yrs of infidelity behind my back !!! sucks , but I was not happy because of her cheating and the changes in her that occurred .She was no longer the love of my life , the person I married , she chose to leave our family and kids and all we worked for for another . you will be fine at the end of this journey and you , me and all the other betrayed will get that satisfaction one day . I hope!All the best , hang in there

"respect? you don't deserve it, you won't get any from me unless you earn it"

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
♀ 40102
Member # 40102
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I have no words of wisdom, but I think it's so cool you have a plan. I am also about a month out. My WH has been having 3 year affair with a psycho who we needed to get a restraining order against. For the last couple years my husband has been just awful to me. Moody, rude comments, explosive temper and all the time I tried to be supportive. Address it if I could. Well i guess the joke was on me. We are separated. I have no idea what I want long term. At the moment though, I want him gone, and fortunately he is.

Posts: 57 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Midwest
♀ 40347
Member # 40347
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

other than hugs, and support, I don't know what to say. he doesn't deserve you. I am sorry that you were unhappy so long, and sorry you had to go through this. I hope that you can be happy again, you seem incredibly strong. Stay strong for you, and for your kids.

The grass isn't greener on the other side, it is greener where you water it.

Posts: 58 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 40381
Member # 40381
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all so much for your kind words. We have already started first draft of separation agreement. Lawyer making changes we requested. I'm very bitter at times that he is moving into a brand new home with lots of upgrades I would have liked. Then I remember that the kids will be so close and able to see him as often as they want and the bitterness is easier to swallow.

Me-BS 39 and holding
WW- 42
3ds 13,6.5,4.5
2sd 15,14
SS -11
Dday 8-3-13

Posts: 8 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NC
Topic Posts: 7

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