SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

sleepless34 posted 9/1/2013 21:46 PM

So, we are separated. Kicked him out after finding out after finding out so much sordid and discusting stuff and so much lying and betrayal.

He already filed, served me papers almost 2 weeks ago. It has only been 1 month since DDay.

Anyway, I am in the house. We have bills that need to get paid. I took a large chuck of the money when I first found out as a safety measure because I was so scared of what he might do next. LEave me with nothing, cut off credit cards, stop paying mortage....mind you I haven't worked for almost 2 years. I made more money always in our marriage except for just recently, and he managed all our money.

Now, I can't trust this SOB, still has lied since he came out with his big truth bomb.

We have massive credit card bill, where usually we pay it off every month, now it hasn't been paid because we are both scared about money.

He is asking me to split it with him. Ahhh, I feel like NO. Why should I. I didn't ask for this shit, and he is the one that messed up so I feel like I need that money I set aside in case he does something CRAZY again.

What do you think????

Nature_Girl posted 9/1/2013 22:19 PM

Is your name on the credit card? Are the charges on there items you charged? Those answers will drive if YOU should pay towards the bill. As for the bill, at least for this month just pay the minimum if your name is attached to it and/or the charges are yours.

LadyQ posted 9/1/2013 22:27 PM

The stinky part is it's probably considered marital debt regardless of whose name is on it or who did the charging. Offer to pay half the minimum.

sunsetslost posted 9/1/2013 22:27 PM

So sorry you are here. LOve and strength to you always.

There are records. Protect yourself. Find and keep financial records. If you are worried he will flake on the debt see a lawyer. In fact, see a lawyer anyhow. Take care of yourself. Eat. Sleep. Exercise. Breathe. Remember, there are records of income and debt. They aren't hard to get. It will work out in time. You have truth and right on your side. Trust in that. Take care of your kids. The rest is just details.

PurpleBirch posted 9/2/2013 07:34 AM

I understand exactly how you feel. My WH and I aren't even separated yet, and I'm worried about the same thing (how he could affect my credit). I agree with those who say pay the minimum payment (until you can figure out who charged what, etc). It's not worth the blip on your credit to not pay anything.

cmego posted 9/2/2013 07:40 AM

You need a lawyer, if you don't already have one.

sleepless34 posted 9/2/2013 10:07 AM

Thank you! Yes, the minimum is being paid on the cc bills, so I am not sure why he says we have to pay it off so as to not impact our credit rating. I thought the cc companies LOVE it when you keep a big huge balance and pay a minimum. Probably will help our credit rating as we usually pay everything off every month and don't carry any debt.

Yes, I do have a lawyer. We didn't get into a lot of detail about the bills and how to handle during the separation period. She suggested the more you can work out on your own, the better off you are as you aren't having to pay lots of lawyers and mediators....

I reviewed all the financials last night. It was sickening and heart breaking to review all the credit card statements on the AMEX- which I never really used. He spent soooooo much money on this discusting affair. Our money, our families money...he says he will pay all that back...but then again he is a proven lier and cheater, so I don't know how that will pan out. My Lawyer says it is possible to go after it, but if he wants to be a real dick about it, some of it is hard to prove....such as hotels rooms...how do you prove it was not just him in the room and not the skank too?

This period is sooo hard. I hate this bastard, and I do not trust him one bit, yet I have to play the game with him and try to act amiable so that he doesn't know what I am up to and doesn't start to do shitty things to me like stop paying the mortgage and liquidate joint accounts...etc.

I really really hate this man. He is taking the kids today and it kills me. I can't seem to separate how you can be a filthy, lying, deceptive, selfish arsehole with no moral compass and still be a decent father??? How am I not supposed to worry about him having the kids when he is a total stranger to me and he has gone complete insane?? How do people handle that part....I love my kids so much and he is their dad, but I feel sick about him spending the whole day with them today.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! ---screams--

kernel posted 9/2/2013 10:16 AM

Oh sweetie, scream and vent all you want, here or in a journal or locked in your car in the middle of nowhere. Let all those locked up emotions out. Then take some deep breaths and get busy. Do something physical if that's your thing, go for a walk, a run, see a movie, clean the house, take a drive, anything to stay busy.

You are right not to trust him, but definitely move things along fast with the lawyer if your WH is in a guilty frame of mind. That won't last, believe me. If you can, do some negotiating with him about the financials and get your lawyer to make it official. The longer you wait, the more detached he gets and the harder it will be.

((Sleepless34))

homewrecked2011 posted 9/2/2013 11:36 AM

Do not pay more than the minimum payment.

In my state, the adulterer gets 60% of debt. My XWH agreed to pay a $30,000 401K loan AND a 10,000 loan to his mom, -- all to keep this out of court which would have named him as an adulterer.

Keep your money, you're gonna need it.

You should have a temp hearing soon to set up who pays what. Also, my friend went to the AFDC office and got $2000 in emergency TANF money and 500 in SNAP - food stamps - all before the temp hearing. After that, you'll get less. (You can apply online).

Keep your cash.