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All he's missed out on

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newlysingle posted 9/2/2013 01:11 AM

I just left DS's room because the poor, little guy is teething like crazy and having terrible diarrhea with it. He just woke up screaming because he went again and it burns his poor bottom. I cleaned him up good and slathered his butt paste all over. Then I just sat in there and rocked him.

The sweet little guy just had his head tucked between my chin and shoulder and softly snored. He is my last baby and I can't believe how sweet he is. He is a big cuddler and such a joy to his sister and I. I'm just so in love with him. He's going to be one on the 12th and it makes my heartache that my baby is growing up.

I couldn't help but think while I was rocking him, how much STBX has missed out on. He pretty much checked out after DS was born and went far into the A fog. He's had little to no interest in the kids for the past year until recently. He had a great relationship with dd beforehand, so she's taken to him again quickly. However, my little guy doesn't even know him. He smiles at him in a "you seem like an okay guy" kind of way, but not in an excited to see daddy way.

I hate that I have to share MY sweet boy with him and Hello Kitty. They don't deserve my kids and especially not my sweet boy that he never even bonded with. It just makes me sick.

[This message edited by newlysingle at 1:20 AM, September 2nd (Monday)]

Iamhappytoday posted 9/2/2013 01:33 AM

I have nothing but hugs for you.

They miss out on so much, and our few days without our kids we miss out as well, no matter how badly we need breaks as primary single parents.
It's so tough.

The asshats don't deserve so many of the rewards they seem to get, but don't forget that no matter how hard it is, you are a good mom, a loving mom, and the anchor to your children.

peridot posted 9/2/2013 01:43 AM


SBB posted 9/2/2013 05:26 AM

I feel you mamma. I feel exactly the same way.

My 5 year old is right into daddy even though he barely had a thing to do with her until my 3 year old came along. We separated when she was 4.5. He doesn't relish them now - they are on some sort of "To Do" list and are paraded about to try to prove that he is not the monster that he and I know he is.

It makes me sad and mad all at the same time. I don't hate it so much that I have to share, I hate it that time is stolen from me to plonk them in front of a TV or a computer game.

I also make sure to take the time to relish the fact that I get all of those blissful 3am memories with my babies. That my big girl still climbs into my bed and snuggles with me in the nook under my arm that feels like it was made for her. That my little big girl calls out to me in the night just for a cuddle and to tell me that she loves my head off. That they kiss me with their eyes open and hold the kiss so long they breathe in my mouth.

These are sparkle moments only an invested and interested mummy or daddy would notice.


Walking posted 9/2/2013 07:40 AM

I so miss the baby stage. You are so wise to relish the warm sweet moments. I will say I believe karma catches up to uninvolved parents. As much as they hope a few fun days can make up for the absences, by the time they are in middle school, they know which parent they can count on for the important stuff. By the time they are adults, your ex will be wondering why he has such a lousy relationship with his kids, but you will not wonder and neither will your kids. I speak as a child of just such a man. I am puzzled by my sperm donor, selfish dad more than anything.

My mom went on to marry a loving man who is my Dad in every sense of the word. Things have a habit of working out the way they are supposed to.

[This message edited by Walking at 7:43 AM, September 2nd (Monday)]

fallingquickly posted 9/3/2013 02:31 AM

You are so wise to enjoy each and every moment. I recently flew to my son's college town to help him move into his first apartment. We put together IKEA furniture and had lunch together for several days. We shopped for the things he and his roommate would need. At night I would go to my hotel so he and his roommate could start to feel like it was their place and have some fun before school began.

As those days unfolded I would stop and just enjoy that we were together. I enjoyed that he wanted me there, helping him. I loved that he feels so comfortable with me and I with him. I still stop to think about it and smile occasionally.

He is my youngest. My eldest has just begun her final year of college. We talk almost daily. She calls me for advice on things both minor and major or to tell me what is going on in her life. I am so very lucky to have her in my life.

I used to try so hard to help my WH build or repair his relationship with our children until I realized it's not up to me. I'm slowly learning to relinquish my stress over the things that are beyond my control and enjoy to the fullest the things which are within my control.

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