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Newest Member: Herself (45715)

User Topic: WH Committed Suicide
DaysOfMyLife
♀ 40265
Member # 40265
Default  Posted: 2:44 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in complete shock! WH was suppose to pick DD this evening for his visitation and he never showed. I texted and called many times with no luck. I was starting to get worried so I texted a few neighbours to see if anyone could check on him. I finally got one who was almost home from work, unfortunately he didn't make it there before our 15 year old son did. Our son found his father hung in the front entrance. I don't even know what I am feeling. I thought the separation/divorce was a roller coaster ride, this is crazy! I did still love him but I knew I couldn't be with him anymore. I was saying to my mother today that it would be easier if he was dead...it's not! I haven't told our 7 year old daughter yet, that will come tomorrow. Is there anyone who has ever been through this?


BW (me) 36
WH 35 (deceased)
DS 16 DD 8
Together 12.5 years Married 8.5 years
D Day July 22, 2013
WH committed suicide

Posts: 24 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Alberta, Canada
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:54 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so so so sorry. I am so sorry for your son who found him. I am sorry for all of you. I am sorry for your young daughter.

I have not been through this but my stbx has been suicidal (before dday) and right before he left he told me if I didn't let him be happy (with his girlfriend), he was going to shoot his head off and have our children find him. So what you are going through, IS one of my worst nightmares. Just always remember: this is not your fault.

Please be sure to tell your and your children's doctors and therapist so that they can support you. I am so sorry that you and your children have to go through this. Please please take care of each other.

[This message edited by dmari at 12:25 PM, September 2nd (Monday)]


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2298 | Registered: Oct 2012
timeforchange
♀ 27454
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 3:04 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah your poor poor boy
My heart bleeds for him.

This is a nightmare ..... I am so sorry for everyone's pain.


Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”


Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
Vulcanized
♀ 33523
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 3:43 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry for your son and for you. That's terrible that your son had to find his dad like that.

((DoML))


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 773 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
trebleclef
♀ 33488
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 3:47 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh DOML, I'm SO sorry!
I haven't had to deal with this yet, but my IC and I just discussed the what ifs this week.

Prayers for you and your kids.


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
meaniemouse
♀ 10798
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 3:56 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DOML--I am so very sorry for your loss, for you son who found your WH, for your daughter, for your whole family. I hope you have a caring, supportive and sensitive circle of friends and family to surround you with all of the empathy and compassion you and your children need. I cannot imagine what the next few days, weeks and months will be like for you and I wish you all of the strength and peace that you need.

I don't know anyone who has been in this exact situation but do know people who have had to pick up the pieces after the suicide of a close friend or family member. One of the best things that helped them through was the incredible amount of support they got from neighbors, church friends, family friends. Let people help you with whatever you need. This is a time to look after yourself and your children and accept any assistance that is offered and that you feel comfortable with. Right now be concerned only with yourself and your children and your needs. Take things one day at a time and take care of yourself.

Again--there is no way this is going to be easy but you will get through it. Here's hoping you get everything you need to get through this dark time. Please, please take care of you.


Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2140 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
heartbroken_kk
♀ 22722
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 5:16 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, wow.

I'm so sorry you are faced with this terrible event. And your poor son, how awful!


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1234 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
stronger08
♂ 16953
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 5:19 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have experienced the suicide of an immediate family member. That said, you must not allow what he did to himself to add guilt to your life. It was his choice to end his life. Just as it was his choice to have an A. I feel for your children and they will need you very much now. Please get help for them if needed. Especially your son who found him. There is much available for survivors of suicide. I suggest you seek it out. God bless his soul. And God bless you and your kids.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5824 | Registered: Nov 2007
OK now
♀ 14459
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your poor son needs urgent counseling. Please watch and monitor him very closely after this awful trauma.

My deepest sympathies.


Posts: 1822 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
DaysOfMyLife
♀ 40265
Member # 40265
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. We live in a community where Victim Services came out after the police so we spoke to them briefly. I had already set up an appointment with his school guidance counsellor for Tuesday about the divorce so he wants me to bring him there. I also have the name of a good counsellor in town but because of the long weekend nothing will happen until Tuesday. Still have the tell our 7 year old daughter today and then get through the next while taking care of them and making sure they are ok. I have a message left with my former counsellor so hopefully I will get in to see her soon. Now I have to find a counsellor for our daughter.


BW (me) 36
WH 35 (deceased)
DS 16 DD 8
Together 12.5 years Married 8.5 years
D Day July 22, 2013
WH committed suicide

Posts: 24 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Alberta, Canada
PurpleBirch
♀ 39170
Member # 39170
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((DOML)))

I'm so sorry for your loss. I read the Shirely Glass book and highlighted the line about how it would be easier of he died rather than have an affair. That was the anger talking though.

Wow. I can't believe you, your family, and your poor son have to deal with this. Sending strength your way.


Me: BS (32)
Him: WH (31)
Married 3 years.
Confessed to PA April 21 2013.

DS (6), DS (18 months)

Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".

Status: Done like dinner


Posts: 277 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The frozen North, eh?
Walking
♀ 40102
Member # 40102
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So so sorry, how awful. Really awful. I am really impressed with how you have been able to quickly line up a support structure for your kids. They are lucky to have you as their mom. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Posts: 57 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Midwest
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your poor son. I am so sorry that he saw that.

((((DOML, DS, DD))))


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4734 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
AussieMum
♀ 36579
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my goodness I'm so very sorry - your poor boy. Take care of each other.


Me 46
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS11 & DD7)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 180 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
JustDone
♀ 9742
Member # 9742
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so so sorry. No personal experience, but a friend of mine had something similar happen. Her DD found her dad hung in the garage. DD was 18 at the time. It's 5 years later and they are both doing well, and so is her DS. I'll pm you the details.

Big hugs to you and the kids.


Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past.

Nobody forgets what happens, the secret is learning to live with it.


Posts: 2807 | Registered: Feb 2006
sinsof thefather
♀ 29295
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so very sad to hear this news. All of you have my thoughts and prayers.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1892 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
hexed
♀ 19258
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((days)))

I am so so sorry for all of you. I just don't have words.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8489 | Registered: Apr 2008
tryingagain74
♀ 33698
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, Days, I'm so sorry! Your poor son-- my heart breaks for him; I'm so sorry that he was the one to find his dad like that.

Sending you mountains of prayers and positive thoughts for your whole family.

(((Days, DD, DS)))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3641 | Registered: Oct 2011
Strongmama
♀ 33062
Member # 33062
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for your son finding him. There truly are no words.
(((DOML)))

Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2011
homewrecked2011
♀ 34678
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thru the next few months you have to make sure everyone makes their counseling appointments. I let a few appts go and now I'm having a hard time getting the kids back in, and we weren't dealing with anything like this.

Keep every appointment so you can all heal.


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2321 | Registered: Jan 2012
Topic Posts: 119
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