Sometimes I feel it is all an act and that he won’t be able to sustain the “new model”, however again that is me and my issue.
This may be "your" issue, but I wonder how much of a role in this your H plays. In our case my H was a different man prior to D-day, so the changes since are logical to question the validity of them and of course if they will stay or not.
If your H has made changes for the better then it is only logical that it will take much time for those changes to feel real and to be counted on to stay. I think the longer the WS behaved poorly in some areas and now has changed them the longer it will take to feel they are real. In our case it was over 20 years of me walking on egg shells in some areas that I supposedly do not have to anymore, but 20 years of ducking is hard to undo imo, I still flinch and even if I do not show the flinch, I still feel it inside and I have to deal with each time.
If I feel "settled" and accepting of these changes, sometimes I will awaken at night with my heart racing because I will realize that I am living like the changes are real and I know that they could disappear at any time and then where would I be if I let my guard down right?
Past behavior is to be the gauge of current and future behavior, right now the past is still larger than current, if I have to wait for their "time" to even out, then it will be 20 years before I am at peace with the new changes.
As far as doing the work goes, I think as long as you are trying to work on yourself continually then you are doing it. It is ok to take breaks, it is ok to move slow at times. I think that taking time every now and again to look back is good, I think many times progress is not "noticed" as it is happening, but it is seen when looking back and reflecting on yourself since D-day.
How does one know when their WS has explored their issues and delved deep enough to begin journeying to their own healing?
we can never fully know the depth of our WS journey really, so I do not spend my time "working" on that, I can only control myself, so I do not wait on him, I heal and work on healing irregardless of his pace. If I waited until I felt he was "safe" I would probably never do any work on myself. I need to work on making my life safe for MYSELF irregardless of him (and honestly it should have been that way from day 1 of the M, I should have never put so much into him, much of my pain of all this is my own doing really, I gave him way too much of myself, put my life on hold for him and our M, sacrificed when I should have been growing myself, expanding and blooming, but instead I gave our M the water and sunlight while I withered away. Now is my opportunity to come out of the winter my life was and enter the spring is should have always been.