Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: chachapoppyseed (45751)

User Topic: Seeing the OW
Amber13
♀ 40505
Member # 40505
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just curious as to how everybody else deals with this situation.
What do you do/how to you feel/how do you react when you see the OW?
I have to see her occasionally on the school run or in shops. I find it very difficult. I put on a good front, hold my head high, act confident. She does everything she can to make me feel horrible - staring,glaring,smirking, even laughing. I act like it doesn't get to me but when I walk in my front door I break down. I really want to move away but its not possible. My other half is great and supportive, but it doesn't stop it being so hard to handle.
Any tips?
Thanks xxxxx

Posts: 63 | Registered: Aug 2013
sri624
♀ 33956
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what a bitch. i cant believe that she is being so cruel. i really cant. but you are doing exactly what you need to do....nothing. ignore her with your head held up high....class and bitch boots thoroughly in check. go on about your business like she is a silly teenager. that is what she sounds like to me...from how you describe. you know...like 2 teenage girls giggling over stupid stuff.

so that means that you have no time for that immaturity. you are a wife and mother...the classy one whom your husband wants to be with. if he wanted to be with her, he would be. and she knows that.

it really is sad...the ow...and how she is acting. pathetic really. and since that is how she is acting....treat her like that...no contact...or even a look in her direction.

its okay to cry at home....i would do the same thing.

when i look back at the ow in my sitch....she is sad and pathetic too. she tried to contact both me and my h a few months after she got dumped. trying to be a "friend." ha! now...that is so sad. she was ignored...and had to deal with wondering if we got her messages or not..or why my h didnt contact her.

same with this ow you are dealing with....i am sure she is wondering what is going on with the two of you....that's her problem though, not yours. keep your head held up high. you are the queen.

[This message edited by sri624 at 3:42 PM, September 2nd (Monday)]


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 1038 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
SorrowBhindSmile
♀ 38139
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ugh, (((((amber)))) I know how you feel. the OW lives right down the street from me. every single day i see some reminder, be it her house, her car, HER. She does similar stuff that yours does. She would stand in her driveway and just stare at me. Hide behind bushes and watch for my WH. All kinds of other stuff to antagonize me.

It really is horrible. I feel for you. Early after DDay was was terribly painful and everyday was a nightmare. I would hide in my house so i wouldn't have to deal with it.

However, as time went on...and i was able to deconstruct the A and put things more into perspective, it became more bearable. Once you get more details, wrap your head around what REALLY went on...how things REALLY were...once you see the OW for what she REALLY is...it makes it a little bit easier.

Continue to do what you are doing. Hold your head high. Walk tall. Be confident. Dont let her see you upset. Its what she wants. Dont give her the satisfaction. Dont let her think she beat you down. When you see her...keep it front and center in your mind that you are better than her. You are a good person. You are brave and loyal. You have more strength than she will ever have. She can try all she wants...but YOU hold the power, YOU control how you feel.


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
jo2love
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sri624 -

Please remember to follow the guidelines when posting.

There is to be no venting about or name calling the OP in this forum.

Thank you.


Posts: 36485 | Registered: Mar 2011
rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What do you do/how to you feel/how do you react when you see the OW?

I hold my head up and pretend I don't see her/them, I average seeing them about once every three weeks, including yesterday's bike ride. Then I usually have a meltdown where I tell my husband how pissed I am that this is my life. Ya see, I'm working really hard on staying in the present moment. Seeing them slaps me back into the past, and we can be having a good day and suddenly I'm forced to remember what he's done.
It usually ruins a few hours of my day. I constantly wonder he's worth it. I have PTSD and seeing them is not good for me.
I have no idea what the answer is. But please know that YOU didn't do anything wrong... Make your environment safe for you however you need to. Hugs!!!!


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5530 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
niaveone
♀ 40317
Member # 40317
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its hard for me too, although I have to say I've only seen OW a couple times since DDay #2 but I'm always on the lookout for her. I think we just have different schedules, since it's a small town we both frequent and all.

For me, the triggers were the guys WS works with because they all found out about affair and knew the blow-out we had, and subsequent fall back into the affair during work hours afterwards. Boy, did I feel like an idiot first couple times I saw them afterwards. Sticking around though, lots of them have told me how beautiful I am, what a great person I am, etc. Really made me feel like I was better then the situation I got caught in, through no fault of my own.

You'll see, sticking to your guns, being the classy one, people will notice and she will be the one that karma smacks in the face. Give it time.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 17 years
2 children
2 DDays

Posts: 288 | Registered: Aug 2013
Amber13
♀ 40505
Member # 40505
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sri624 you have it spot on. Of all the wonderful beautiful intelligent women in the world they COULD have chosen! I often think I would feel better if the OW was incredibly beautiful or successful or something. Anyway there are far too many things I could say about that but lets not get into it! Thank you so much for your message its given me a much needed confidence boost, I am doing the right thing.

SorrowBhindSmile thank you for your message. I'm glad I'm not the only one dealing with this. It is getting better, slowly. I have spoken with my other half who assures me I know everything, to ignore her she will fade away.

rachelc it ruins my day also. The worst thing about it is like you, I wonder if its worth it. Would it be easier to give it all up and go alone? But once the emotions die down I regret feeling like that, but its just a normal reaction, trying to protect oneself. Hope it gets easier for you.

niaveone I love the last line in your post, really made me smile :) Its hard being the classy one, but I think worth it in the long run. I have plenty of blow outs with her in my imagination, but they have to stay there!

HUGS to you all thank you for your kind messages.

Head held high!


Posts: 63 | Registered: Aug 2013
sri624
♀ 33956
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i am sorry for being disrespectful in this forum for calling the ow a bad name.

it wont happen again.


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 1038 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
jo2love
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sri - Thank you

Posts: 36485 | Registered: Mar 2011
JustDesserts
♂ 39665
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amber:

WH here. If an independent research firm took a poll of 1000 random people who were given a choice to have either you, or this OW, as a friend, spouse, parent, daughter, or even just a stranger who they might need help from in an emergency, I'm venturing to guess 998 would choose you.

Your class and dignity in the face of her vulgarity and pathetic middle school antics speak volumes about who you are...and who she'll never be. Stay true to your inner self, and I hope some time in the future you'll be able to feel only this for her: pity. It's all she deserves.

JD


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
Zayda1
♀ 35387
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, September 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also saw the OW at school. It took 16 months of triggering every time I walked into the school, but I finally decided enough is enough is put my children in a different school.

I want to be able to enjoy their school years, not dread every school function.


Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 468 | Registered: Apr 2012
Amber13
♀ 40505
Member # 40505
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Justdesserts you made me cry! (In a good way!) Thank you.

I wish I could record all your comments and listen to them on my walk to the school, what a confidence boost. This forum is amazing.

Zayda I'm sorry you had to move your children it's horrible feeling that you have to change your life to suit them. I am lucky in that e OW doesn't participate in any other school activities other than picking him up, I don't even think she has full custody of him he lives with his granny. I find it hard not to trigger I still get sweaty palms, racing heart, faint, but I just fake the confidence and once I get home I'm fine. Hope ur doing ok now.

Xxxxx


Posts: 63 | Registered: Aug 2013
OldCow18
♀ 39670
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, if I ran into OW and she laughed after what I have been through I swear to God I would go balistic!!!!

But don't listen to me, listen to JustDesserts, he's got it right.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
RidingHealingRd
♀ 33867
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH here. If an independent research firm took a poll of 1000 random people who were given a choice to have either you, or this OW, as a friend, spouse, parent, daughter, or even just a stranger who they might need help from in an emergency, I'm venturing to guess 998 would choose you.

^^^Truer words were never spoken.


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Nov 2011
TxsT
♀ 39996
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amber,

I think I would be pulling out my cell phone discretely and taping her behaviour. Then I would show it to your husband. I think he needs to know what kind of woman he brought into your world.

I agree with everyone who says to keep your cool around her. She isn't good enough to see your hurt. She deserves nothing but the bad Karma she will eventually get back by someone less hand. Trust me, it will come back to bite her in the butt. Especially if she is doing this and people who know watch!!! It is a small town....hold your head high.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
Amber13
♀ 40505
Member # 40505
Default  Posted: 4:23 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Txs, I never thought about the video. Sometimes I have my finger over the 'voice record' button if I know I'm going to be passing her but she seems to know not to say anything. Your right it is a small town and everyone is seeing what she is doing, I just don't want to be the person that people pity. I don't know how she can have such a front when she knows she is so much in the wrong. Xxxx

Posts: 63 | Registered: Aug 2013
fool4adecade
♀ 38383
Member # 38383
Default  Posted: 4:59 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What do you do/how to you feel/how do you react when you see the OW?
I have to see her occasionally on the school run or in shops. I find it very difficult.

Amber,
I am so sorry you have to go through this too.

To answer your questions:
What do you do? Nothing. She isn't worth my time. She's used trash - and she knows it.
How do I feel? Honestly, I feel angry. I know, I'm working on it.
How do you react? Depends on the situation.

Background: My WH had an affair with a woman in the PTA 10 years ago. She spent a year f'ing my husband and playing mommy to my children while I was at work and he was taking my kids to PTA sponsored activities. The other women in the group new about it and, I feel, watched my life come apart like some reality show. Whatever. I still see her at EVERY school event and activity at the school. Honestly, I've become somewhat numb to it, but not quite, as no matter where my husband and I sit at these events she is always within 10 feet of us. Even if we move around. (I stopped moving around 5 years ago and just let him suck it up)

However, last Friday there was a real breakthrough at the HS football game. Once again, we find seats and OW decides to sit one row down and 5 feet to the left of us on the bleachers - next to the walkway. This time, however, my friends were with us to see their god children perform. God bless her, my BFF saw what was happening and stopped on her way up the stairs right behind OW and turned around and mooned me and started shaking her butt! (She had on leggings and a long blouse, no indecent exposure on school grounds!) My kids started saw and started playing "Can't Touch This" Bleacher music, and the band joined in! Well, I burst out laughing and and POINTING toward her! My WH looked over where I was pointing and bust out laughing. OW thought we were laughing at HER and everyone around us was laughing! OW turned beat red, burst out crying, got up and RAN amongst cat calls of WOO HOO SHAKE IT, BABY!! that weren't even at her. I guess OW's "all about her" attitude backfired this time.

Hang in there, Amber. It always will effect you. How it effects you is YOUR choice. Every time you hold your head up and survive, you prove you are the better person.

{{{Amber}}}


ME 46
WH 49
DDay 5/11/2003
2 DDs 14 and 16
"We never had sex. I never touched her in any way."
*the pictures lied . . . really?

Posts: 16 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: NE PA
momoftana
♀ 17383
Member # 17383
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amber, I'm sending up a prayer that God will put an opportunity in your life that will turn out like Fool4adecade's did! That is a hilarious story.

Posts: 171 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: florida
torn2pieces
♀ 39029
Member # 39029
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel for you because this just sucks! Those type of people have major boundary issues and need to be the center of attention no matter what the costs are. I agree that other people know how pathetic they really are and you are much better then that. It may take time but this will come around and hopefully bites her right back! I deal with someone much similar but no matter how she presents herself most people know what type of woman she is. Sometimes I want to be immature and give her the finger or say a few choice words to her but that won't do anything but maybe make me laugh for awhile Take care

Posts: 43 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: torn2pieces
pewpewpew
♀ 38116
Member # 38116
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh. I see her whenever I go to see WH, because they WORK TOGETHER.

At first it was horrible. I would shake and later have such anxiety. It was devastating.

Now, I'm indifferent. Some days I'm ok and others are horrible.

I'm learning to hold my head high. Why should I feel anything but. I put on a brave face and smile.
I'm loyal. I'm HIS wife. I am an admirable person. And she's pathetic.
I used to worry what people thought of me...

Now, who cares? I'm not the one who should feel embarrassment. That's on them.
I'm loyal, faithful, and a good person. She's broken.
I mean, how could anyone look at themselves and feel good knowing they are a homewrecker?!?!
Does it make her look good knowing she could have destroyed a family?
She was used? She's nothing compared to his wife who he has children with?!

I probably give her too much credit. She didn't care. She did it anyway. She lied to me after the first dday.

I pity her. And you should too.


ME: 30
WH: 35

Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.


Posts: 310 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 23
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.