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Anyone else had this problem?

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dieseldog posted 9/2/2013 15:30 PM

I was a WS and cheated on my now ex-wife terribly, with her younger sister.

Now the trouble is that when I had my first affair with her we were not married just cohabiting, now she caught me sinking it deep into her sister and it got real ugly real quick but she hounded me to come back threw her own family away to try and get me back, now having kids complicated it, she made me have them every weekend, yes I did take them but only because she played the "daddy doesn't give a sizzle" tact and it was to make sure that two kids in tow I would not be getting into any relationships fast or at least not any that might be of substance.

I tried everything, I was banging the village idiots daughter who was very adorable but very simple, I made sure that went public as soon as I left her bed the first time, nope poor girl got a slap round the face in town and told to stay away from me , even her own family were telling her I was bad news, I really liked her, broke her into anal and deep throating and all sorts of shinanigans

Even tried to pass off that I was turning gay with a long winded charade about a machine driver I was working with, nope, still hunting me down and pleading/using the kids against me.

After about a year she was almost off my case, should have been sooner but she thought it an idea to try and re-kindle after she got back from my fully expensed guilt holiday, a month back packing in Thailand, at least I was home with the kids for a whole month alone, was so cool!!! So blew her off and kept to my guns, then met a lovely woman who I liked, kids same ages as mine, hit it off immediately, and broke her into all sorts off kinkiness too but that's a whole other thread, and basically wife came in all guns blazing as soon as she realized I was getting serious and she did everything to put an end to it, she could be very intimidating when she got angry and also got very physically abusive too!!! So under advice from all of my family I basically had no choice but to go back as she had burnt every single other bridge out of there, so let me see? three separate exit affairs in attempt to stop the wedding she was rail roading us into, nope, still won't throw me out only came to a head when I started banging her sister again, and confessed to another two separate affairs with co-workers.

So after trying to be free for over 4yrs I finally got my wish, she threw me out in 2008 and I have been busy putting my life back together since, now I am fully healed from my self abuse and wrong doing I feel I can help others or at least tell my story and be judged by anyone who wants to try

20WrongsVs1 posted 9/2/2013 15:36 PM

Village idiot, eh? Takes one to know one.

Long-winded charade indeed.

jo2love posted 9/2/2013 15:49 PM

dieseldog -

Welcome to SI. Please read over our Healing Library (on the left side of the screen).

What do you hope to learn and accomplish here on SI?

Deeply Scared posted 9/2/2013 15:50 PM

Please note that this thread is now closed off to BS's.

jo2love posted 9/2/2013 16:02 PM

20WrongsVs1 -

If you see a problem please contact a moderator. Thank you.

SandAway posted 9/2/2013 16:08 PM

wow. You and your 'shenanigans' finally did your BS in, huh?

Reading that post, I am not sure how you can help other remorseful WS's heal.

What did you do to heal yourself beside being granted a divorce?

JustDesserts posted 9/2/2013 16:12 PM

Diesel,

I have about 15 snarktacular things I feel like posting in response to your thread here.

I'll be kind, though. And just leave you with this: I hope you get the help you need.

Epic, Bro! Simply, astonishingly, mind-bogglingly epic...

JD

Vulcanized posted 9/2/2013 16:57 PM

WS responses only.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:23 PM, September 2nd (Monday)]

Aubrie posted 9/2/2013 20:03 PM

Anyone else had this problem?
With what exactly? Entitlement? Callousness? Arrogance?

I am fully healed
Really. I'd love to know what it is you've done to bounce back from such a disturbing time in your life.

stilllovinghim posted 9/2/2013 21:07 PM

Why did you get married? Why did you stay married? Your way of getting you W off your back was to continuously fuck whoever you wanted and....I'm not sure I get why your even looking for help.


dieseldog posted 9/3/2013 06:54 AM

The problem I had was that almost no matter what I did I could not get away from her.

I now live on a totally different continent due to her travelling 650miles to hurl abuse and smash my car up.

And if you want to know the truth regarding healing myslef, it was not done sitting in the counselors chair.

I had the problems and I needed to fix them, I began to read the bible after finding one on a car boot sale, I looked long and hard at who I had become since the start of that horrific relationship, how I became bitter and resentful of the situation that only moving country could change as I was out of her reach, changed email and phone # and began the process of pulling myself apart in order to rebuild myself.

I have a new wife and yes she knows absolutely everything about my past. Does she worry that I would do it to her? Not one iota, I have no hidden anger or frustrations any longer, I became free.

This is not a post to bragg of my dirty deeds but to show honesty to those here that although some may have had a small EA that broke their marriage some a ONS and so forth but I did loads of cheating and I know why I did it and what was actually going on in my own head at those points in time, great reflection has been great help in resolving issues.

Aubrie posted 9/3/2013 09:29 AM

Ok so let me get this straight. Your wife (who you cheated on before even marrying her) was a witch. You then married her, had kids with her, (Why would you do that if she was so horrible?) and the only way out of the evil witch's clutches was to serial cheat and run out of the country?

Why cheat? Lots of people build up anger and resentment and take up crochet, golf, poker, or drinking as opposed to cheating.

Why marry her and get kids involved if she is such a horrific person?

As someone who is highly religious, I can assure you that healing from infidelity is much more involved than just "getting Jesus". We are humans living in a human world. Getting Jesus does not put us in this magical, protective bubble that will stop us from ever doing wrong again.

What happens when your current wife starts getting witchy. Lets say she hits menopause and loses her ever, lovin' mind. What will you do? How will you cope with your anger and resentment?

OktoberMest posted 9/3/2013 10:44 AM

I have no real comment to post in reply to your opening as you seem to have your life sorted the way you want it.
I do however have one question - what do you genuinely think you have to offer people here?
Advice? Not sure I'd want yours or see the benefit to be honest. I can't see one ounce of remorse in your post...it a pure brag.
Do you want judgement? and if so what for?
You sure sound like a committed dad from this

yes I did take them but only because she played the "daddy doesn't give a sizzle" tact
. Not something to boast about in my book.

Sounds like you need to read this, take a long look in the mirror and then come back...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humility

Finally, in answer to your actual question - anyone else had this problem? Yeah, I had a sucky relationship with a very possesive and emotional abusive and intimidating ex once. I left. Not shagged my way around the village carving notches on the bedpost while still in the relationship.

I feel sorry for your kids, and happy your ex is out of that marriage.

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