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Trying to be a rebuilder

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peachman68 posted 9/2/2013 15:45 PM

This forum has been therapeutic for my BS and it is at her suggestion that I got on here a few months ago and why I am posting today.
I will spare everyone the long story of my transgressions of which there are many and summarize by saying my infidelity involved online and virtual relationships with many OW. It has taken many painful conversations with my BS along with IC and MC for to begin to come to grips with the depth of hurt that I have caused her. There were many lies along with being defensive and angry on my part. The lying and protective behavior continued until very recently. I am now faced with the potential destruction of my marriage, family, and life.
I am trying very hard to follow the path, get the help that I need, and demonstrate to her on a daily basis that I "get it”. I get the very deep hurt that I have caused. I get that my terrible and selfish actions have placed our family at risk. I get that all aspects of our life, our kids, and my job have been placed into jeopardy. I know that if I have any chance to rebuild our relationship and have a new beginning I must commit myself to getting healed and being a healer for her.
One of the tools missing for my recovery is having people in my life to talk to about our situation. I am hoping that feedback from Forum members will assist in our healing process.

dieseldog posted 9/2/2013 15:53 PM

Talking helps a lot, and yes it really does help to have folk who have actually been there and done it and come out the other side happy and healed.

I know this seems a silly question but what was missing from your marriage that you were trying to fill with these OW?

Do you know? Or are you still trying to figure that bit out?

authenticnow posted 9/2/2013 15:57 PM

I know this seems a silly question but what was missing from your marriage that you were trying to fill with these OW?
A better question to ask yourself would be, what was missing in you that you had to fill the void with self disrespecting and destructive to the M behavior? No marriage is perfect, but there are ways to deal that are better than cheating.

Peachman, consistent remorse and honesty is the first step in healing and showing your BW that you are serious about your M and reconciliation. It sounds like you are on the right path. IC and keep posting here. Keep being open and honest in your communication with BW, figure out what you want to do/be, and consistently act accordingly.

Good luck.

1DumbHusband posted 9/2/2013 18:36 PM

Make sure you avoid the pitfalls of TT (trickle truths), gas-lighting, and rug sweeping. I am in the same situation and probably guilty of similar (if not the same) transgressions and more. It's a journey to self discovery and its a long road. If you want someone to talk with, feel free to send me a PM.

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