This is a problem that we have sometimes.
One thing that I notice about Perv and I wonder if you all do is that there is a fierce need for him to be outside of a box or boundaries do not matter for him-he shed and fled routine and suddenly in this new life, doesn't feel that it's important for him and often for DD, either.
She is getting caught up in this new way that he is and it's a struggle for me to do as you are doing and keep consistency-with anything about her life anymore. It's messing with her thinking a little bit because her personality thrives on routine, so she doesn't understand the changes come in his personality or time.
For a time at the beginning, he would ask to have her visit him overnight on school days and for some reason it went against my wishes-the upset in routine for her and worries that you have with her lunch and such-so that now I've become a boring stickler to her, she calls me "rules mom", but you know what? She trusts me and that means more than any of the rest.
For some reason when this Labor Day weekend was coming and we were in mediation making the plans, it came to mind for me to ask for this weekend for her and me to have together. I'm really relieved that I did and I think I will try to keep it as a pattern, wherever we are, because it saved issues and we didn't have the stress of him around with the stress of getting ready for school, too.
I wish you all peace in the process of "co parenting" and I struggle to know why that term is used for it, when the differences in parenting come out and are so big!
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.