i used to think the same way...wondering about the relationship status of the ow my h cheated with. i actually thought at one time, that it would be better if they "had someone" so that they wouldnt be available to my h.
when i look back on that...i cringe.
what i learned is this:
the other women's relationship status was not the issue. it is hard to accept that..and not be insecure...i get that. i felt the same way. but really....it is not about the ow. it is about what your husband chooses to do. it wouldnt matter if the ow was married or not. if they wanted to cheat, they would make it happen. and that is exactly what they did right?
so really, we have no control over what they do.
the ow divorcing her husband has nothing to do with you. the discovery of her a may have played a major role...but who knows what else was going on their their m. you will never know. not even your h will even know the full story of her m. and it shouldnt concern you, or your h...you know what i mean?
if this ow decides to reach out to your h...or if your h hears she is single now, and wants to cheat, he will. and there is nothing any of us BSs can do about it.
what we can control is what WE decide to do if that boundary or any of the r rules are violated. YOU can decide your next move.
if he decides he wants her back now that she is single...that cant be controlled either.
and if we played the tape....lets say, he did leave...and go back to her...it would hurt like hell. and he may go...but i bet if he did, and changed his mind after he saw the grass wasnt greener, you might not even want him back.
you know what i mean?