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All consuming sadness

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sad34 posted 9/2/2013 23:08 PM

You know that feeling u get. When u realize your life will never b the same? That your WS who was suppose to have your back, was suppose to b your best friend, was suppose to b your protector has destroyed your life forever?
You might "r" but the trust will never b the same.
For me and the LTA, those years and memories will always b tainted.
My sobs come from my soul, I trusted him so much that its hard to put into words. No matter his faults, his ethics was some thing I never doubted.
My heart hurts:( it's justs hurts!!! And all for what? He got an ego boost!!!! Well thanx lol glad u enjoyed that:(

Jrazz posted 9/2/2013 23:09 PM


Sal1995 posted 9/2/2013 23:27 PM

So sorry, sad. I know your pain all too well.

fallingquickly posted 9/2/2013 23:31 PM

I understand.

LosferWords posted 9/2/2013 23:32 PM

Hey sad34... I can really relate to your pain and what you are feeling here, with the LTA and the tainted memories. Things can and do get better with time. I'm so sorry you are going through so much hurt right now. Hang in there, and keep posting. We're here to support you. Take care.

vivere posted 9/2/2013 23:56 PM

Yes Sad34, I know that feeling well. Betrayed just doesn't seem like a strong enough word to encompass all that you are feeling.

Try to find some relief from the 'all consuming sadness' by doing something that you used to love, used to enjoy. Something just for you.

I remember this being so difficult to do but it did give me other things to focus on. Only for short moments initially but with time those shifts in focus got longer and longer.

I still think those things on occasion, but infrequently, and not with the same gut wrenching sense of loss that I had initially.


heartbroken2012 posted 9/3/2013 14:33 PM

I feel the same.

confused615 posted 9/3/2013 14:41 PM

Me too.

Iamacrab posted 9/3/2013 14:46 PM

Sending you positive thoughts sad34. I too feel the same.

Spelljean posted 9/3/2013 15:43 PM

Totally get what you are feeling.

Its one tiny inch of improvement every day with miles ahead still.

And even though the multiple ddays were excruciating, at that point, I still never returned to the total depths of despair of my initial dday. Others may disagree, some people have been to hell and back multiple times.

But I feel the same way you do. Like now, nobody has got my back either. Not emotioally, not financially, not in any single way. And you're in a position where you can't just run out and start over yet. You're stuck putting these pieces together one at a time and its frustrating as hell.

OldCow18 posted 9/3/2013 16:12 PM

I'm right there with you

needrespect posted 9/3/2013 16:18 PM

Feeling the same here. Bless us all.

crazyblindsided posted 9/3/2013 16:56 PM

Yes I do know how you feel. I no longer see my WH as the protector. My WH has betrayed me more than once and someone who does that in my eyes cannot be trusted unfortunately.

I absolutely cannot stand the all consuming sadness. It scares me because I worry about my coping skills and hope that I don't try to cut myself. I get the sadness every week and then I get a few days where I feel completely fine. The rollercoaster is no joke.

LiedtoLucy posted 9/3/2013 17:12 PM

Same here.. Worst feeling ever. Don't know how to get past it. I feel your pain.

sad34 posted 9/3/2013 22:02 PM

Double post:):

[This message edited by sad34 at 10:05 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]

sad34 posted 9/3/2013 22:05 PM

I thank u all for your honesty! To know I'm not alone is a start!

undonelife posted 9/3/2013 22:15 PM

"No matter his faults, his ethics was some thing I never doubted. "

Yep. Right with you. Especially ^^^ this !

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