^^Spot on. The rollercoaster is a cruel beast in the beginning. It won't always feel this way. I still have dips but they happen much much further apart and don't last anywhere near as long as they used to.
It really doesn't matter if he believes you. You know the truth.
^^THIS too. In spades. It is a difficult habit to break - I understand the indignation and the associated anger/pain.
Going by your registration date you are very early into this. I know you want him to accept it but please remember you don't need him to accept it.
A few months after S when I wasn't so good at NC I wrote to the sad clown "What you think of me matters less to me than you might imagine". I realised it was true at that moment. Soon it will be true for you too.
Strict NC will help you with this - the more contact you have the more he is able to suck you into the crazy vortex. Strict NC helped me detach. I won't lie - it was hard at first. Agonising really. It felt so unnatural.
I wanted to physically shake him so strong was the urge to make him understand. As I detached this primal need dampened and it has now disappeared. He still blames me for the demise of the M. He still believes the rewritten marital history he concocted. One day I had an 'aha' moment - I realised he NEEDS to believe the rewritten version in order to live with himself. I'm now content with him soothing himself with his false construct - I have no want nor need to tip him over that edge anymore.
((Averyhurtgirl)) It does get easier but you do need to work at it - NC is key.
When I was where you are now someone here kindly said to me "lean into the pain". Those four little words have helped me more than I ever expected. I hope they help you now.
