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Crappy surprise after 2 years

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thisisnoteasy posted 9/3/2013 08:30 AM

So the wife and I are out Sunday night having a nice night. Went to hear a band then were going to go out to another place for some more fun. She was driving and I was attaching her phone to the car for music. A text comes in, and we assumed it was our son letting us know when he needed picking up from a friends....Nope. It was a text from the OM after 2 years of no contact from him. I can't post it online, but it was a 1 sentence text describing what sexual act he would like to perform on her. BOOM!

It looks like it was 'just' a drunken text by this a-hole. Wife was embarrased, I was pissed off (more at him). Good news is we handled it. 2 yrs out and marriage going strong. 20th anniversary next week. We've been battle tested. F this loser. However, if I am honest with myself - I AM PISSED OFF. Imagine if someone said that to your wife in a bar or anywhere else, instead of hiding behind a text (Oh, and he lives 300 mile away). So, again it is ME who has to just vent a little, then bury my emotions after that -because there is not a damn thing I can do. Just makes you angry and very sad that this had to make another appearance in our lives.

FaithFool posted 9/3/2013 08:45 AM

How did he get her number?

thisisnoteasy posted 9/3/2013 09:07 AM

Same number she has always had.

SurprisinglyOkay posted 9/3/2013 09:18 AM

Why didn't you change her number?

struggling3 posted 9/3/2013 09:29 AM

We didn't change my H's number either. I never felt the need. If someone wants to make contact they will find a way. I think unless there was continued contact after NC was established then I would do it but other than that I didn't.

TxsT posted 9/3/2013 09:32 AM


Happy Anniversary buddy. I am surprised you didn't throw the phone out of the window!!!

I so, so appreciate your story. I too know that there will be more future attempts at contact from my H's OW....that's because she is still very obsessed with him, very much in love, and does not get why I would want to take him away from her! Hang on a taking my own husband back dare I !!!!

In our case the OW lives 4000 miles away in a different country and that has not stopped her from just showing up on our door step I can totally see this whole situation. I am so glad I read your post though because it gives me strength to know that the positive path we are on will just continue to get better.

We are now 1 week away from our 25th anniversary(by marriage)(32 years together) and also 8 days away from our 1 year Dday anniversary. I don't have an A season, his A was far too long for it to be classified as a season. I am glad to read that some people out there actually do make it, and make it well. I feel we will be one of these couples but only time will tell.

Thanks for the post. Sorry for the nasty bump in the road.....I like to call them bumps now. You have every right to BE ANGRY......a good friend who is going through the same thing told me there is nothing to do but bury the pain as a BS. If you don't it is always an open sore. No that's not fair but it is the truth. I have chosen to try and bury the nasty pain as well as I can. Like you I want my loving spouse back.


[This message edited by TxsT at 9:32 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]

thisisnoteasy posted 9/3/2013 09:33 AM

Felt no need for her to change her phone#. Like I said, there has been no attempted contact from this guy for about 2 years now, so it really came as a big shock. I know he is a big-time drinker, and it was a saturday on a holiday weekend, so it really does seem like a drunken text, but wow does it smack you right in the face. Trying to control my rage.

TxsT posted 9/3/2013 09:39 AM

It wouldn't matter if you changed your W's number or not. They will find a way if they really want. Our OW stalks me on Linked in and Facebook. I have taken it upon myself to post noing but good, great things and make my social media connections look completely positive. The friends that know laugh. The ones that don't think we are just the cutest couple.

Did you think of responding yourself to the text??????? I actually have, at my husbands request. He wants nothing to do with the scheming person he thought was a caring individual. When he found out what her real agenda was and the manipulation she pulled on him to get him right where she needed him he was even more ashamed that he allowed this to enter our world.

I personally would have responded with......hey you....we don't appreciate you texting my wife with this filth!!! This is her husband "insert your name" she shares EVERYTHING with me now and you aren't part of the equation anymore"


Tred posted 9/3/2013 09:39 AM

I take it the OM doesn't a BS who the text could be forwarded to? If so, that's unfortunate.

TxsT posted 9/3/2013 09:45 AM

Oh Tred I like your style. By the sounds of it he might have once had a BS but she wisened up and got the heck out of dodge!


[This message edited by TxsT at 9:45 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]

thisisnoteasy posted 9/3/2013 09:54 AM

Actually the OM has been married and divorced twice -- shocking I know! He does run a radically right wing website that I would love to hack :)

TxsT posted 9/3/2013 09:57 AM did you handle the fact that your wife cheated DOWN??? Mine did too and it is still an issue for me personally. Really screwed with my own self esteem.


confused615 posted 9/3/2013 10:01 AM

I hate to ask..but..are you sure this was a random text sent by OM..and not continued contact?

It seems odd that OM would text *that* to your WW..2 years after NC.

thisisnoteasy posted 9/3/2013 10:49 AM

I hear ya... all i can say is that there was no history of his # in her phone. We've been managing the whole things pretty well and all I can say is that I'm 99.9% trusting of the fact that this has not been ongoing. I never 'found out' on my own about the affair. It was all her decision to tell me, which does help in the long run I think. Everyone's situation is different, I know.

velvethammer posted 9/3/2013 10:57 AM

We changed his number, blocked all of hers, changed his email address and I blocked her on mine. We also blocked her on facebook. We had to - she couldn't get the NC thing down. Kept texting and emailing and fbing both of us and even took to fbing us from her kids' accounts like they were the ones writing the messages. Sick.

tryinginmi posted 9/3/2013 11:27 AM

I think a response that any continued contact will be considered harassment and will be turned over to the proper authorities would be an appropriate response.

sodamnlost posted 9/3/2013 11:32 AM

I hate to ask..but..are you sure this was a random text sent by OM..and not continued contact? It seems odd that OM would text *that* to your WW..2 years after NC.

That was my thought too sadly.

TxsT posted 9/3/2013 13:22 PM

I think a response that any continued contact will be considered harassment and will be turned over to the proper authorities would be an appropriate response.

This is exactly what we had to do with our delusional OW. I think it has worked finally. Last time I checked in with her BS he said he thinks she has FINALLY gotten the idea my H wants NOTHING to do with her.


Jrazz posted 9/3/2013 13:27 PM

I'm so sorry, thisisnoteasy. Just another piece of proof that OM is someone not worthy of anyone's time or effort.

This has to be a massive trigger, and I hope that you and FWW can work through it together.

Sending big hugs and strength to you both.

Heartbroken2013 posted 9/3/2013 14:23 PM

Ohhh your good, I would have thrown a mental fit if I saw that, but then I guess a woman scorned is 10 times worse than a man lol. Maybe now is the time to ask her to change her number!!

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