I have been married 15 to a man that I thought would be faithful to me. I have spent my entire life not fully being able to trust anyone, because they eventually hurt me. My husband as added to this hurtful list.
I actually found out about this affair a year ago. But at the time, wasn't given ALL the details. I found a text of love on my husband's cellphone and confronted him. He downplayed it as a harmless exchange with an old girlfriend. The only girlfriend I knew of his was his ex when he was 19. But he frequently spoke of her as the love of his life. If that wasn't bothersome enough, he completely denied it was her. The promptly left on another business trip.
I went ballistic and threw most of his belongings on the grass in front of the house where they stayed till he returned from his trip 5 days later. I started to file for divorce when he finally told me it was in fact that ex girlfriend and gave me her name. I then contacted her husband through facebook. Imagine her surprise when he called me and she asked who was on the line and he said my name.
At this point, her husband & I became strong allies at getting to the truth.
Forever I heard it was just sexting and they only met for coffee once and he wasn't attracted to her. We talked for months and I finally decided to try to work on my marriage. But her husband & I kept in communication and I often wondered why he left her, why he was sleeping with other women and why he was so much more angry than I was. The reason was, they DID have a physical affair, but my ally didn't tell me until just a few days ago. My husband kept telling him, it will cause her to flare and go back into the hospital.
My lovely husband first slept with his whore, my BD month, June 2011. 2 weeks out of that month I was up in San Francisco tending to HIS sick father. I was also very ill as I've been suffering from Crohn's disease for 33 years and they hadn't found anything to control my symptoms.
During the months of July - October, I was in the hospital, having yet another surgery, having obstructions, just living the good life, he was sexting his lover. I was home mending, and then he went to meet with her again. She's an airline attendant and would fly into our city, he'd drive down and screw her and then come back to me. I don't know how many times I told her, if he needed to leave the marriage, or he wanted to be with somebody else, just talk to me. He wanted his cake and to eat it too. He felt sorry for himself, his first wife was sick, his 2nd wife was sick and he deserved more, he deserved someone flattering him, and telling him how special he was and taking care of his needs.
This man did everything in his power to keep this truth from me. So although this happened a year ago, it feels like yesterday. He is sleeping in our guest room that has all of his belongings in a big pile. My emotions are all over the place and I can't eat or think. I screamed at him so hard I hurt my throat last night. How can somebody that says they love you, do something like that? This affair went on for 1-1/2 years. I don't know if I should just throw him out, kill him, kill me, I don't know. Part of me wants my life back, but it's all been a lie. He knew my issues about betrayal and had NO problem doing it.
I thought the pain I went through when my child became a drug addict and left was bad, that was nothing compared to this. It's even worse than losing my mom at 16. Why does life have to be so cruel"? Why can't somebody just love me? Oh and get this, his lover wanted us to be friends, she is completely clueless. All she says to me is about much my husband loves me, did he say that while he was screwing her? I've never felt so much hatred for somebody in my life and I have no way to get it out. Will this pain ever end?