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Newest Member: js01 (45726)

User Topic: dear BW from your WH
huRtZ413
♀ 39214
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BW,

when i thought of this letter i found it difficult to find the words to express how i feel. What was in my my head did not reflect what is in my heart, and its for that reason this letter did not come sooner.despite my mistakes in life I've always been certain of you. The day i met you my life changed. I thought you were the most gorgeous women that i had ever seen, so much so that i could not refrain from pursuing you . ill never forget my sisters sweet 16 because when you walked through that door my heart stopped. i knew then and there that a relationship with you and seeing you again was beyond coincidence . oh my god how you were stunning that night. the kiss was amazing and i left you with no choice but to date me. I lost sight of where we came from throughout the years and I have taken for granted the greatest thing that has ever happened to me . That i vowel to never lose sight again. I find myself trying to think of a genuine gesture that shows that i did put my heart into whatever it is that i do. You Hurtz413 are my Queen and I have gisgraced myself and I am not worthy of you. The rest of my life is dedicated to you and your heart , this marriage, ours kidsand the understanding of just how important you are to me . Jesus babe! A life without you ? where to begin to describe how that isnt a life at all . I know that you were created for me . I know that there is not another man alive that could love and protect you like i can . I've been told throughout my life that i should strive to be just and do the right things. I pride myself in doing right and I lost sight of that. I want to be a better person period then you eill see that I have the capacity to be the husband that you deserve . I find myself turning to god when he has blessed me with so much yet here I sit disgracing all that he has given me . I;m inclined to put my life in his hands and stop trying to have control when i know no such man exist. I have been humbled in the worst way and I wish i could say that the skies are clear but they are not . My sky is grey and clouded beyond sight . The task at hand tells me to venture to a place in my life I have never explored . I am turning my life over to God in hopes that the path will reveal itself . I have no control and to think that i fooled myself to think I control all . I now realize that I alone can only do the right things and pray that he will see fit to bless me yet again despite my sins, I love you hurtz413 I always have and always will .

your WH


So he had made a journal that he writes in letters to me everyday to read when i wake up this was one of his first letters.

Im still not sure because i fear of being fooled yet again and it would just make things so beyond anything ever done to me to bring God into it to keep me and it not be real . I want to say were in R but i just dont know were on a trial as of now .



me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
devasted30
♀ 39439
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, I would kill for a letter like this. My WS says things similar to this, but to write them down on paper - WOW. Talk about lucky in your bad luck. I hope you heal and he is sincere. It's hard to believe that he could still be lying when he writes stuff like this. All I can say is try to keep an open mind and watch closely. Words can be wonderful, but, actions mean more. This is a wonderful start to R for you. Good Luck


And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1378 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I see an awful lot of "I's" in that letter.

He spent the last few months since dday lying his ass off about OW..to protect her from you finding out..and only came clean after OW got married..because he thought you wouldn't contact her then. His actions were all about protecting her..and himself.

So..what has changed..other than OW got married and your WH finally told you the truth? What is he doing other than writing in his journal? Is he in IC? MC? Does he post on SI? Has he sent a new NC email to OW..one that you saw? Is he answering all of your questions? If OW still works with him,is he trying to find another job? has he offered to show you any emails or other evidence of this affair,now that you know it was with someone he knows,someone he spent a lot of time with,and not just some nameless random college girl?

I don't know. I've had more than one dday,due to major TT. It is extremely difficult to rebuild trust after they spent months swearing you know "everything" only to find out you really knew very little and they were lying the entire time. After my TT dday,I told WH I needed him to do more..that I wasn't sure what that meant..but he better get his ass in gear.

What is the "more" that your WH is doing? Words are nice..but what are his actions showing you? What is he *doing?"

As for bringing God into it..that is common..and yes,is a crappy thing to do..as bad as swearing on the children that there is nothing more to know...it is beyond reason and a shitty thing to do. But it's done all the time.

[This message edited by confused615 at 1:06 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7899 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Simple
♀ 18814
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The letter made me cry and it sounds sincere. It's a good start.

Just remember: Letters are nice, actions speak louder.

Take your time. Take your sweet time. That will tell you if he's serious or not.

I agree with poster up top, a little too many "I"'s still. I believe it's been used here before, "not all liars are cheaters but all cheaters are selfish liars". Be vigilant, build your confidence and clear your mind. That's your focus right now. You and only you know what's best for YOU.


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
LosferWords
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with a lot of what the other posters have said. I think being cautiously optimistic might be the way to go. If he is in fact sincere, then this is a very nice and heartfelt letter. I hope that his actions emulate his words in this letter to you.

Posts: 7998 | Registered: Dec 2010
PeaceLove187
♀ 33559
Member # 33559
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Watch his actions more than his words. The words are lovely but so are the words most WSs write to their APs. The words are meaningless without action.

Oh, and his claiming there isn't another man alive who could love and protect you like he can? My H said something similar to me and all I could hear in my head was "bullsh*t". Give me years of actually doing those things and maybe I'll believe it.


BW--Me, 57
FWH--Him, 59
Married 35 years
Empty Nesters

Posts: 642 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Midwest
TrustGone
♀ 36654
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with the others. Words don't mean a thing without actions. What is he doing to prove that he will be faithful and that you can trust his words???


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
TxsT
♀ 39996
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now that I trust my H's words and action and intentions..CAN I PLEASE HAVE A LETTER LIKE THIS???????! It would make this all feel right.

T

[This message edited by TxsT at 3:34 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
TxsT
♀ 39996
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ps....Losfer, I know that was off topic but dog gone it I just had to say that.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
huRtZ413
♀ 39214
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well where to begin ? Since findin gout the whole truth I've notice a shift in behavior before he would get defensive or irritated saying I have it all , and now he walks around with his head low in defeat . He answers my questions even if he feels I've been repeating myself without hostility . That's what I have for now... There is more that he's doing but that's the biggest change I've seen .



me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's a really good start.

Tell him you need him to do more. Feeling "bad" and moping around isn't helping you. Answering your questions with remorse and honesty...finally..that's GREAT. Tell him so. But tell him he needs to do more.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7899 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Blobette
♀ 36519
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that you were created for me . I know that there is not another man alive that could love and protect you like i can .

Does anyone else find that a bit creepy? I wasn't "created for" my WH. And it's pretty arrogant to think that he's the only man who can "love and protect" you. That reeks a little of "you're not gonna do any better than me, babe."

I dunno. Nice thoughts, but... actions, not words.


BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1061 | Registered: Aug 2012
dontknowwhyme
♂ 21587
Member # 21587
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that you were created for me . I know that there is not another man alive that could love and protect you like i can .

I do not care for this statement at all. He thinks pretty highly of himself.


BS 38
FWW 37 (fireandice)
Married 13 Years - Together 20
D-Day1:Jan 08 (EA OM#1)
D-Day2:8-15-08 (EA/PA OM#2)
DS12, DS9
D-Day3:11-3-10
Divorced 1-27-11
Remember, you don't drown from being thrown in the water. You drown from staying in it.

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
PamJ
♀ 40475
Member # 40475
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am skeptical of words and agree with many that the actions will tell you where his heart really is, and it won't happen overnight, or with a letter like this.
My WH betrayed me 3 times and there were always words when caught that were meant to calm me, keep me around. Actions make take months and years to rebuild this, so, even though mine is DOING all the rights things, plus saying the right things, I am cautiously optimistic at this point.


Me: BS 50+
Him: WH 60

3 EAs

2 grown sons, 1 grown step-son

Last DDay, March 19, 2013 after a few weeks of TT- trying to have a new marriage after almost 35 years.
No more chances.


Posts: 56 | Registered: Aug 2013
1ost0ne
♂ 40202
Member # 40202
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Those that are in the "words vs action" camp, he is taking action. He wrote these words and shared them with her. That's action. If I was the WS, this is something that I would do. I still remember exactly what my WW looked like when she came down the aisle 20.9 years ago and how I felt.

Now .... if he said that on his way out to play golf, I'll allow it.


“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
― Maya Angelou

Posts: 84 | Registered: Aug 2013
Simple
♀ 18814
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@1ost0ne I agree the letter can be construed as action. However it's still just words unless his actions back them up. That's all the rest of us is saying. Nothing is huRtZ413 says after that letter denotes that huRTz413 has seen that yea she agrees with the letter.

I've seen BS that puts up a letter like these and then say afterwards how their WS backed it up and then the usual "But I'm still not sure". This is nothing like that. Which is why a lot of us have asked about watching for his actions. So that huRtZ413 can focus on facts and reality. This way emotions get aligned with what's real rather than what we hope to be real.

I hope that made sense.


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
huRtZ413
♀ 39214
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly I don't feel like posting all the stuff he's been doin to help me and he has but I'm just at the point that I don't want to feel like I'm bragging and it ends in D



me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Understood.

But,huRtZ, he can be doing every single thing he possibly should be doing,and it can still be a dealbreaker for you. Nobody here would judge you for that. You have nothing to be ashamed of,either way.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7899 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
huRtZ413
♀ 39214
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well like I said before he writes me everyday so I have something to get me out of bed in the morning , he pre makes my coffee , runs my baths has my stuff ready for me when I get out he doesn't let me do his laundry he cooks and cleans after work during work hours he calls and texts me about his day so far he gets home and he's talking and we listen to music and talk about where things changed and how he changed and what he's going to be doing to make myself better he's a lot more attentive and emotionally available way different than what I thought before was remorseful he doesn't defend himself and he is reassuring that he will do whatever it takes no matter how long it takes , and even if I don't ever trust him he'd Gladly live his life planted under my boot so long as he's with me .....he's a tard . Idk lately I find a sense of calm idk why though its a little scary . He tells me I'm welcome to go to his job at anytime I want and view his emails at work and ask ppl questions ( they are aware) and request investigation statements and whatever else I feel I need to do . He doesn't mind any apps or software to watch him though I don't do it I'm 200% sure he doesn't have contact with her

[This message edited by huRtZ413 at 8:35 AM, September 5th (Thursday)]



me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
MutedMan
♂ 36669
Member # 36669
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would gladly sever my right hand with a dull knife to have a WS who could actually express any of what your WH wrote. Even still I would watch his every move anticipating his true colors will shine through, good or ill.
I have gotten to the point that my WW words mean nothing. I love you and I'm sorry hurt more than they help because ther is NO ACTION behind those words.
Still selfish, unsupportive and unwilling to hear even a casual reference to honesty or integrity. I was chastised the other day for liking someone's facebook post that spoke of the importance of honesty in a relationship.
Be happy in that you are getting something however it bears out. It could be worse.
God help us all.


Me=BS 42
Her=WW 37
DDAY=Feb. 2012
5yr long term affair
2 little kids
Forward does not necessarily mean together.

Posts: 48 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Mutedman
Topic Posts: 22
Pages: 1 · 2

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