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Divorce/Separation :
Anniversary Dinner....

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 stungbytravel (original poster member #37225) posted at 7:23 PM on Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013

My wedding anniversary is tomorrow. I made plans to be with some girlfriends so I didn't have to be alone. However, WH just texted me and asked if I would be interested in meeting for dinner?

We have been separated for 2.5 months. I have not spoken to him in two months except for a few texts.

What do I do?

[This message edited by stungbytravel at 1:23 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]

posts: 264   ·   registered: Oct. 22nd, 2012
id 6472787
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Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 7:25 PM on Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013

Why would you want to?

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6472792
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 stungbytravel (original poster member #37225) posted at 7:27 PM on Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013

I have no clue why I would want to and no clue why he would want to ask. I am actually afraid he is going to tell me he wants a divorce on the date. I dont want that.

posts: 264   ·   registered: Oct. 22nd, 2012
id 6472797
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Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 7:31 PM on Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013

You already have plans with your girlfriend. I suggest you keep them, especially since the possibility exists that your WH might use the opportunity to hurt you even more.

Keep your plans. If by some chance he's wanting to reconcile, he'll be able to deal with the fact that you already have plans with your friend.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6472804
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EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 7:31 PM on Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013

I would not go.

If he is going to ask for the D...you don't want it on that date. If he isn't going to say that, you don't want him riding the coat-tails of happier past-days associated with that date.

I would tell him you have plans and go out with your friends.

posts: 6985   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2009   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 6472806
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Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 7:32 PM on Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013

Don't go, stung.

If in 2.5 months he has done nothing to make amends for what he has done, having dinner can only lead to disaster.

He may be planning on dropping a bomb, or he may picture himself some kind of hero for inviting you out. Either way, only a few texts over a few months indicates that he does not care very much about your feelings. Don't let him make you feel badly for declining - it's a really inappropriate offer under the circumstances.

I love the idea of you going out with girlfriends. It's still going to hurt and feel weird, but you will hopefully be with people who love and respect you.

(((stungbytravel)))

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

posts: 29076   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6472807
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sunsetslost ( member #39885) posted at 8:02 PM on Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013

Mine is next Monday.

I don't plan on even turning on my phone.

Don't go. Protect yourself.

Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

posts: 800   ·   registered: Jul. 20th, 2013   ·   location: The beach.
id 6472854
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 stungbytravel (original poster member #37225) posted at 8:22 PM on Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013

Any idea what I say? I don't want to be a bitch about it.

posts: 264   ·   registered: Oct. 22nd, 2012
id 6472889
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Pass ( member #38122) posted at 8:31 PM on Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013

Just say, "No thanks. I have plans."

After two months of non-communication, you owe him no details or explanations. Be firm.

If you want to be polite as well, that's okay too, but he doesn't get a window into your life anymore.

Divorced the cheater and living my best life now.

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous.

posts: 3785   ·   registered: Jan. 14th, 2013   ·   location: Ontario, Canada
id 6472910
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osxgirl ( member #8795) posted at 8:39 PM on Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013

Your answer is simple - I have other plans. That's it. No details. He doesn't deserve any.

posts: 2832   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2005   ·   location: Maryland
id 6472921
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TrustGone ( member #36654) posted at 8:43 PM on Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013

^^^^I agree. He needs no explaination as to why you don't want to go. He no longer deserves one. Go and have some fun with your friends.

XWH#2-No longer my monkey Divorced 8/15, Now married to a wonderful man.
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"

posts: 10077   ·   registered: Aug. 30th, 2012   ·   location: Texas
id 6472928
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homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 9:05 PM on Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013

My WH and I met for lunch about 2.5 months after he left. He was really confused and we talked some.

So,, I think you want to go eat with him to see what he wants to say.

I'd personally tell him you have plans for that night, does he want to go out to eat Fri night instead.

That way, if he is interested in talking about something good or bad it's another night.

Do not change your plans, however. Remember words do not work with these people, only actions. You are showing him you are a strong, capable, fun loving, and loved person. He really doesn't deserve you and he doesn't deserve you to break your plans.

If tomorrow night is the only night he will tell you whatever it is he wants to say, then FTG. When you first met him, and he asked you out, and you had other plans, if he didn't try any harder than that, would you have continued to date him?

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 3:06 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55

posts: 5513   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2012
id 6472953
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Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 10:30 PM on Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013

You are not a bitch by declining, no matter what guilt comes over you or how he responds. Remember that.

(Easy advice to give, hard to follow! )

(((sbt)))

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

posts: 29076   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6473060
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