Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Making me re-live the Affair, but I like him

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

APRIL2008 posted 9/3/2013 13:24 PM

I met this guy at the start of the year along with a big group of his and my friends. Had a good time and everyone went their seperate ways. Heard from some of his friends a few times but then nothing. Never knew of them agin.
About a month ago I was out at the same place we met and crossed paths with this guy We recognized eachother started talking and ended up going to dinner afterwards.
He is going through a seperation becouse of infidelity. Obviously we could relate,our stories are so similar. Ever since that day we talk every single night for 2 3 4 hours sometimes. It is amazing how we can just talk and talk. Ofcourse he talks alot of everything he is going through. He calls me if he's having a rough day in wich I know I can count on him for the same.

I have been through all of this for a while now, wouldn't say I am over it but further on in the road than he is , but now I am finding myself re-living everything I have been through myself. Talking to him brings back memories, feelings good and bad. I find myself thinking so much of how I can help this person yet I think its taking me back 1000 steps.
Now I must say he is an attractive guy and getting to know him is showing me how he is such a good person. We have spent some nights togeather no Sex, sometimes we have just had some long nights and just fell asleep togeather.
He tells me he has never felt so comfortable with someone,tells me I give him strength. He says he always wants to be honest with me, he can't tell me he loves me becouse he is still in love with his ex. Wich I undertand. He explained that he enjoys my company he has said he is attracted to me but doesn't just want it to be about sex.

I love this persons company, the coversations we have the friendship, but I can also see him as a man, a good man, a really good dad and someone that could be a great partner.

I had always said if someone ...a guy friend would have been there for me, maybe someone that had gone thorugh what I was going through, it would have made my journey alot easier.
Now I have the opportunity to help someone out and I don't know that I can handle the feelings it is bringing on me.
I don't know if its doing me any good.
I don't know how to tell him he is so bulnerable right now
I don't know what I should do.

lieshurt posted 9/3/2013 13:32 PM

If I were you, I'd back away from this. I believe you are only setting yourself up to be hurt, by remaining in this situation. You are a nice crutch to have right now, but once he's made it to the other side he won't need you and it would be too soon for him to jump into a relationship because he's not ready for that.

[This message edited by lieshurt at 1:33 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]

Kajem posted 9/3/2013 18:09 PM

Step back -detach. From reading your post, it sounds like you are getting attached. You are his strength. He needs to find his own strength thru this. I know I sound harsh, but there are things we learn about ourselves going thru this hell. If you are supporting him, then he won't learn those things.

9 years ago I could have written your post. XSO relied on my strength to deal with his STBXWW. It started as friends, long talks, etc- it eventually moved to a dating relationship. It lasted 8 years. I should have kept it at friends. I wish I had listened to someone who had BTDT. But I didn't and now I'm here.


SBB posted 9/4/2013 04:52 AM

I'm sorry to say it but I agree with the others.

He is really vulnerable ATM and is using you - I know it because I've done it myself. Once my pain cleared a little I was ready to move on and I inadvertently hurt a pretty decent guy. I thought we were on the same page, I thought I was being clear that I was just looking for some temporary comfort. I was wrong.

Broken attracts broken. He is still hurting fiercely, you are hurting perhaps a little less fiercely but hurting nonetheless.

I know this isn't what you want to hear but everything everyone is saying to you now is absolutely spot on.

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 ®. All Rights Reserved.