He apparently decided to go get a few beers, this after being sober for 19 mos. He didn't drive his car, took a small, (legally)unregistered scooter, drank, headed home, hit a ditch, blew the tire and was walking home when the police came. Issued a DWI confiscated the scooter. I think he may have spent the night in jail. Normally, in NJ the license is surrendered in court the next day. That didn't happen for some reason. He has to go back, with a lawyer. My question is, he wasn't driving at the time the police saw him, will it be a DWI?
He is checking himself into inpatient therapy tomorrow if all goes well. He claims, and his sponsor/advocate agrees, this was a "one and done" but that he needs to really put more work in.
Again, I'm just fretting, trying to figure out what will happen, I give up the outcome, but I'd like to have a heads up on what will happen before it hits me in the butt...
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
But I don't know the law where you are.
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.
FWIW, there are many places that are permitted to charge and convict for DWI if the car is turned off and the driver is sleeping in the front seat, as long as the keys are accessible. In those places, they consider that operating the vehicle because of the ease with which that person could start the car and drive even though that person could be dead asleep at the time the police encounter.
but I'd like to have a heads up on what will happen before it hits me in the butt...
Very gently... how will this impact you? He is a grown-up. He pays his own insurance. He is responsible for his own livelihood.
I'm a little concerned that you're going into co-dependent, saving mode.
Scaredy do you go to Al-Anon or Narc-Anon? If not, that should be the next place you go for your support with his disease. But remember, it's *his* disease.
I will say that legal consequences are sometimes the only thing that gets an addict's attention. Let him navigate the whole messy, expensive mess that his own actions created (by your admission, he was driving drunk - and got into an accident). Don't make excuses or try to find outs for him. Addicts don't tend to learn from 'close calls,' they learn from concrete consequences for their actions.
"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid
I appreciate your words Hurts. I'm not going to interfere, I just have to figure out ways to manage my own anxiety. Meditation, prayer and small doses of xanax only go so far.
I just have to figure out ways to manage my own anxiety. Meditation, prayer and small doses of xanax only go so far.
I get this, I so do. For me - exercise. I do cardio like a fiend when my anxiety gets to me. And yes, sometimes I have to have a Xanax afterwards to get my head to stop spinning.
What about an Al-Anon meeting? As one co-dependent to another, it does help and it can give you the tools to cope in new, healthier ways. Detach - with love.
ETA: Deal with the loan issue when/if it happens.
But thanks for the advice. I got my literature out and read through it with a box of tissues last night. Didn't help that this is the first week of school and I am retiring in a month. Should have been party time! Well, it still will. He is saying to his dad that this is a slip, not a landmine...so I have to have faith that he'll jump back on.
Thanks again for the support. SI is the best place for me.