I read Torn Asunder by Dave Carder a year ago, right after Dday #1 and several months before Dday #2. In the book he suggests enlarging a photo of the OW, or the OW with the WS, putting it on your bed and smashing the hell out of it with a hard baseball bat.
I never did that, but I did go to a shooting range one time and seriously contemplated using an enlarged photo of "her" to shoot at. But decided to just envision her instead, plus my sister wasn't so sure they'd allow me to shoot at an actual photo.
However, today at my IC session, 3rd or 4th time to this one, I started asking about triggers and how to handle them. Predominantly kissing (my WS didn't have sex with her . . . it was an intense EA with kissing and hand holding, etc.) My counselor reverted to all the anger and pain I clearly still have inside of me and suggested I do the very thing in Dave Carder's book that I just happened to have read about. The book specifically says to do this on the bed, but I like how she went a step further in explaining that even if they never slept together there or even had sex at all, to use the bed because the marriage bed represents the married couple's cherished intimacy that's been devastated.
She said she listened to a CD of Dave Carder explaining this exercise and he suggests being completely alone in the house, including getting all pets out of the house. Interesting. The reason being that this is your time to scream and rage and say and do whatever the hell you want to that picture. (And I guess pets can sometimes freak out!) I'd personally like to stab my enlarged photo of her, so I might have to figure out how to do that without destroying my bed!
She also recommended to plan that after you get through all this emotional turmoil you're planning to put yourself through, that you plan to do something for "you" after. Go out with a girlfriend where they know it's all about you. You might not talk at all, or you might talk non-stop about all your pain.
Has anyone done an exercise like this? What was your experience like and did it seem to help you?
She also suggested I go to places that are triggers . . . places I typically avoid . . . and journal. Don't just force myself to go there to be a trooper and try to create new memories, which is what I've attempted to do on occasion . . . and don't go there simply to cry. Go there and write whatever thoughts I have. She said if it's 8 pages of the F word, then that's what it is. And she said to create a block of time where I know I will stop sitting there by a certain time and leave. And again, go do something for "me", possibly with a girlfriend. Not with FWS.
So while I wasn't so sure I wanted to do this before, and couldn't even imagine going through the process of finding a photo, having it enlarged and having to look at her ugly face . . . with all the turmoil I'm still dealing with, I think I'm not only willing to do it, but actually looking forward to it.