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Like I mentioned in my last post, things have been rough. I feel good some days, but on other days I feel like my life is totally empty/extreme loneliness.

This started when I started to very occasionally be able to do not just social things, but social things where I feel a connection to people present, or I feel accepted.. something meaningful.

I also feel kind of upset at going through so much numbness before.

It's like part of me has woken up and is not very happy.

I think the fact that you recognize the coaster ride is a positive. It's just a result of the reality of your situation. We've all been there, and sometimes still are there, but we know that this ride is a part of the healing process.

As I think you already realize, it does get better, but it just takes time...

Push yourself to be social when you can, back off when you can't. It will start to balance out. ((Hugs))

So this is normal?

Incredibly normal. You experienced a disaster. No matter how well you handled it while going through it, there are aftershocks and they'll pop up when you least expect it. Stupid little things will get to you and then all the negative thoughts, feelings, why the fuck did this happen, will come rolling back over you.

Processing all of this so it's not really a present thing in your life takes time. But it does get better.

Very normal. Just because you have a divorce final, doesn't mean all the infidelity and loss of the marriage go away.
When I go through a dip, it usually mean I'm processing leftover issues. Many of them I shoved to the side during D/S because I had biggier problems to deal with during that period.Surprise they pop back into my life !ugh.
I will say as time goes forward,the dips are much less severe and I handle them better.
Hugs
Gma

[This message edited by gma56 at 2:09 PM, September 4th (Wednesday)]

I also feel kind of upset at going through so much numbness before.

It's like part of me has woken up and is not very happy.

Oh man I can so relate to this. Two little sentences that capture and express so much.

I'm not sure if you mean pre or post DD but in my case it was both.

I've been reading "Journey from Abandonment to Healing" and the anger at self is pretty common.

I'm pissed off that I wasted so much time beating a dead horse. I'm pissed off that I'm still mourning. I'm pissed off that this has stirred up a bunch of unresolved stuff I didn't ever really want to face.

Like that saying "I've learned a lot and I'm hopeful to be grateful for the lessons one day".