I can empathize with your need for it though.
I crave those words of empathy, remorse, specific words regarding the specific acts and words that still hurt, still cause me pain.
For me I think it would be healing. I think that I need those words and thoughts to reassure me that he truly "gets" the extent of the damage that he caused. That he truly appreciates what I am trying to overcome and what a huge gift the chance for R is. Maybe it is just to prove that he appreciates me.
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
attempted R, it was all a lie
Please take the time to read and post here. You will find strength and courage here to heal.
A great place to start is the Healing Library. It is in the yellow box on the upper left side of the screen. There are articles and FAQs there.
There are also a bunch of great threads in Just Found Out Forum. Some of them are:
A Great Post for Newbies to Read
Before You Say Reconcile
Boundaries and Consequences 101
They may be a couple pages back but worth the read.
Take care of yourself. Try to eat, try to sleep, try to get some exercise, drink plenty of water. Keep reading and posting. You can survive this. Let us help.
I told my husband early on that I needed that kind of empathy and remorse from him.
The need for empathy from the WS is overwhelming. I tried everything to help him realize the depth of my pain-letters, lists of betrayals of trust, reading articles on this site, etc. I even wrote a long story reversing our roles for him to read. "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair" was very helpful. We read all the books together and discussed them in depth. After 32 months I have come the conclusion that my WH will never completely "get it". He committed to R at discovery. I think my reaction terrified him. He walks the walk and appears completely remorseful. He even brags about how high he scored on empathy on some test he took years ago. I maintain that he was simply very good at faking empathy because someone with true empathy would never inflict this kind of pain on another human being.