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HereWeGo62 posted 9/4/2013 06:51 AM

My son turned 18 recently. He has been a real handful for the last 2 years, and I have spent over $10K in legal fees to keep him out of jail.

He has been hanging with the wrong crowd and we have done everything to try and keep him away from his crappy friends. We sent him to live with my mil in Fla for a few months but he was too much for her to handle.

Yesterday he snuck his felon friend into our house because the felon had no place else to go. This guy was incarcerated for burglary and my dumb ass son lets him in the front door while we are in bed sleeping. I only caught them because my dog was growling at something downstairs. I went downstairs with my shotgun and found a 6'2" 20 yr old hiding in the shadows of my living room. My son heard the commotion as I was yelling at this punk to get on his face and told me who he was. That punk is damn lucky I did not shoot him.

I have had it. I packed his clothes in Hefty bags and put them on the porch. I changed the locks on the doors. It breaks my heart to know I have yet another failure under my belt with my family.

My FWW is scared of his friends and right now she is a little scared of my DS18. I gave her two bottles of pepper spray Gel for defense if needed.

We placed most of our valuables in a safe along with all firearms and weapons. My wife went as far as to hide all of the kitchen knives.

I am not now, nor will I ever give up on my DS18 but it's time he learned a lesson. This has been a very hard decision to make but I refuse to be disrespected or taken advantage of by anybody, especially family.

painpaingoaway posted 9/4/2013 07:19 AM

I'm so sorry HWG62. I did the same thing a little over 2 months ago. He is still on the street. The pain is unbearable.

You are not alone.

((((HWG62))))

Tred posted 9/4/2013 08:33 AM

HWG62,

I understand how hard it is to do. My oldest put our family in jeopardy when he was 16 - I had to send him away and he is no longer part of our life. It was extremely hard to do, but it was the right thing to do for the rest of our family.

nowiknow23 posted 9/4/2013 08:38 AM

What a terrifying experience! I am so sorry you and your W have been put in such an untenable position by your DS's actions.

Sending you strength, HWG.

jo2love posted 9/4/2013 09:03 AM

I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. Sending you strength.

ICouldntFixIt posted 9/4/2013 09:24 AM

I am so sorry you have to go through this. It is hard. My SO and I (more at my insistence) had to send his DS19 away. For years he has used drugs and the final straw was my DS8 finding said drugs in the den. It's hard. Again, you are not alone and we all feel your pain.

stupidstupidme posted 9/4/2013 09:56 AM

Oh man... one thing I have learned is that my home needs to be my safe place, and will be. I deserve that, as does my youngest son. My two older ones no longer live with me, and my oldest, my daughter - has come to realize that getting kicked out was the BEST thing I could've done for her. She's a much different girl today. I hope the same happens for your son

confused615 posted 9/4/2013 10:37 AM

I understand...my oldest DS did some things when he was 16 that put all of us at risk..so he went to live with his dad.

He now blames me for everything..and refuses to allow my to be a Grandma to his 3 month old little girl.

It's heartbreaking.

But...I will tell you..from the moment he was moved out and in with his dad..there was a calm that descended over our home..it was the right thing to do.

Stay strong,dad.

gma56 posted 9/4/2013 10:37 AM

The kid's luck was with him !
You love your kids forever but sometimes they need to experience life's lessons on their own.
I had to do similar to DSS many years ago. Today he's a Dad to two sons and still talks to me.

Your son may have to take the long hard path for awhile. Some of us learn the hard way.
Hugs to you and his Mom. It's not easy being a parent sometimes.
Gma

HereWeGo62 posted 9/4/2013 12:26 PM

Thanks to everybody, this something I never would have dreamed would happen. I actually thought I would have to kick my DD21 out but she became the responsible one and is now living on her own.

MD DS18 went from being a model cub scout, boy scout and Young Marine to someone I do not recognize in less than 2 years. I sure hope this helps but I am very scared for him at the same time. Thanks again, my heart goes out to everone else who has had to do this!!

simplydevastated posted 9/4/2013 12:31 PM

For your son's sake and your family's sake, I hope this is the wake up call he needs and returns to the person you know he can be.

You're not a failure, you did your best. He just lost his way. He'll find it again.

(((HUGS)))

Tred posted 9/4/2013 12:35 PM

HWG,

Just looking at the timeline, it looks like your son went downhill after the A was outed. Is it possible that it affected him more than you know? Not trying to dredge anything up, but it sounds odd for such a promising kid to do such an abrupt about face without some external factors.

HereWeGo62 posted 9/4/2013 14:30 PM

Just looking at the timeline, it looks like your son went downhill after the A was outed. Is it possible that it affected him more than you know?

I actually thought about this. He was never told about A but our attention was probably diverted away from him at this critical juncture in his life.

I have tried to get him in IC but he will not open up. He just seems so angry all the time. I am praying that he learns a lesson but doesn't get hurt or in trouble during the process.

Thank you all for the support and advice.

authenticnow posted 9/4/2013 16:14 PM

HereWeGo,

I'm sorry your family is going through this. I know how tough it is. I'm sending good thoughts that your DS will straighten himself out and that your family will find peace.

AN

Exit Wounds posted 9/4/2013 16:29 PM

(((((HereWeGo62& wife)))))Sometimes tough love is the ony way to get through to them. I wish you the best!

click4it posted 9/4/2013 18:43 PM

So sorry herwego62. Wondering if he's using drugs or alcohol? Sounds like that would describe the rapid change in behavior.

Because I've had to deal with a *difficult* teen, I fear that I will have to do what you just did some day and it scares the hell out of me. As a parent, the last thing we want to do it kick our child out even if they are legally an adult.

My heart really goes out to you and I do hope that this is a VERY short wake up call for him. Once he realizes he CANNOT bully you around, he might step up.

I sincerely hope things turn around. Much positive thoughts headed your way.