Topic: How do I get rid of a homewrecker?
Member # 38673
| Posted: 8:38 AM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013|
I have a question I'm hoping users can help me to cope with. I have a history with a man that I love, live with and am raising his two children. His kids "Godmother" use to live with us a year ago and at the end of that year, I learned that she was in a sexual relationship with my man several years ago. While it was several years ago that they were in a "relationship" I was extremely upset to learn that for all these years they lied to me. During these times, I also learned that she has also sent him naked pictures of herself, up until last year. Bottom line, she's a homewrecker. I demanded he no longer have any contact with her but she continues to show up to the kids sporting events and he told me that he couldn't simply just ignore her because she is the kids Godmother. He gives me attention as to not let me feel left out but I want her eliminated completed from our lives. She does things intentionally to try and destroy my relationship with him and I'm trying to figure out the best way to be the better woman and either address it or ignore it. But it's really starting to get to me. Advice please? How do I get rid of a homewrecker who has always wanted to be in a relationship with my man and causes so much grief between us.
Posts: 11 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Chicago
Member # 13447
| Posted: 8:50 AM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013|
He has to choose to get rid of her. If he doesn't, you have to decide if you want to share him or would you rather be alone.
If he doesn't make the choice to have strict boundaries with other women, then even if she's gone, there will always be someone else.
"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*
Posts: 11650 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Member # 38121
| Posted: 9:22 AM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013|
During these times, I also learned that she has also sent him naked pictures of herself, up until last year.
I don't get it - she was sending him naked pictures up until the time she lived with you? Why would that be - was she giving him nude shows in person at that point?
These two have just disrespected you over and over and over - and even in your own HOME for a year, for God's sakes.
And he's disrespecting you still by dragging her into your lives even to this day.
She's NOT your problem.
Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.
Posts: 6327 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Member # 39996
| Posted: 9:31 AM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013|
I agree with Never....if this was me in your shoes I would actually suggest you seek professional help with this incredibly tough situation if you can't have the conversation needed to get to the bottom of this issue. I would be able to handle this conversation now but that is after intense IC and MC.
Don't sell yourself short. Figure out what would make you feel "safe" and ask for it. If safe means she is gone.....ask for it. His actions will tell you what I think you already suspect.
Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
Member # 25376
| Posted: 10:34 AM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013|
I think she is certainly not being a godmother in any sense of the word, whether spiritual/religious or secular. She does not have your kids' best interest at heart if she is being dishonest with you and sending nude pictures to your spouse and causing problems in your marriage. Her role as godmother is forfeit.
You can apologize over and over, but if your actions don't change, your words become meaningless.
"You know the sad thing about betrayal? It never comes from an enemy."
Posts: 1019 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: California Central Coast
Member # 40208
| Posted: 11:37 AM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013|
If it were me it's be her or me. There is no gray area. She crossed the line. He was dishonest= no trust. You can't have that toxic energy in your lives.
I'm not Catholic so I don't understand Godmothers but to me it's a title she has lost.
BS (me) - 44
WH - 46
DD - July 1, 2013
2 daughters, 14 and 10
Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest
Member # 16482
| Posted: 11:42 AM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013|
Giant red flag when he defended her (the Godmother bit). Go into stealth mode and find out what is really going on. If you ask him they will go underground.
Why did she live with you and why did she move out?
I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Member # 38511
| Posted: 12:16 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013|
It doesn't sound like you can stomach having these home wrecker's in your life. I certainly don't have all the answers but, it is not you that needs to get rid of her it is him. If he is not willing to do so, then you need to make a decision are you willing to have an open relationship and share him? If not, even though you love him, you have to give him a choice, it's either her or you.
I wish I had better advice. . . (((HUGS)))
Me, 47 BS
H, 65 WH
2 boys 23 and 18 years old
Married 24 years
Posts: 508 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 40347
| Posted: 9:36 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013|
Sounds like she is still after him. How old are your kids? If they are old enough to understand, tell them that this person is a bad person. She has no morals and is someone you don't want them exposed to. I say this all the time - I tell WH that the OW is never to be around my kids. You wouldn't want a pedophile or an abusive person near your kids - therefore you don't want this loser near them either. This way it exposes her for who and what she is - a tramp and a homewrecker. If your kids know what she is, they can request that she not attend their events. It is your family, your children, your husband if you want him, guard it. Hugs to you.
The grass isn't greener on the other side, it is greener where you water it.
Posts: 58 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 28571
| Posted: 11:29 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013|
and he told me that he couldn't simply just ignore her because she is the kids Godmother.
What? Why not? Does she have a magic wand that will turn your kids into frogs or something? If he is worried about the religious aspect I think an inquiry into canonical penalties for fucking the godmother may be in order first. I have been an atheist for awhile but IIRC the RCC frowns on that shit.
[This message edited by StillGoing at 11:36 PM, September 6th (Friday)]
Posts: 7848 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
|I think I can|
Member # 17756
| Posted: 8:38 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013|
Why are we so focused on what you can do and what the godmother is doing? Unless your man is three years old, he is perfectly capable of cutting off communication with her. He is choosing not to.
I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.
Posts: 9045 | Registered: Jan 2008
|Topic Posts: 11|