"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

JustHisFool posted 9/4/2013 08:38 AM

I have a question I'm hoping users can help me to cope with. I have a history with a man that I love, live with and am raising his two children. His kids "Godmother" use to live with us a year ago and at the end of that year, I learned that she was in a sexual relationship with my man several years ago. While it was several years ago that they were in a "relationship" I was extremely upset to learn that for all these years they lied to me. During these times, I also learned that she has also sent him naked pictures of herself, up until last year. Bottom line, she's a homewrecker. I demanded he no longer have any contact with her but she continues to show up to the kids sporting events and he told me that he couldn't simply just ignore her because she is the kids Godmother. He gives me attention as to not let me feel left out but I want her eliminated completed from our lives. She does things intentionally to try and destroy my relationship with him and I'm trying to figure out the best way to be the better woman and either address it or ignore it. But it's really starting to get to me. Advice please? How do I get rid of a homewrecker who has always wanted to be in a relationship with my man and causes so much grief between us.

Holly-Isis posted 9/4/2013 08:50 AM

He has to choose to get rid of her. If he doesn't, you have to decide if you want to share him or would you rather be alone.

If he doesn't make the choice to have strict boundaries with other women, then even if she's gone, there will always be someone else.

NeverAgain2013 posted 9/4/2013 09:22 AM

During these times, I also learned that she has also sent him naked pictures of herself, up until last year.

I don't get it - she was sending him naked pictures up until the time she lived with you? Why would that be - was she giving him nude shows in person at that point?

These two have just disrespected you over and over and over - and even in your own HOME for a year, for God's sakes.

And he's disrespecting you still by dragging her into your lives even to this day.

She's NOT your problem.

HE is.

TxsT posted 9/4/2013 09:31 AM

I agree with Never....if this was me in your shoes I would actually suggest you seek professional help with this incredibly tough situation if you can't have the conversation needed to get to the bottom of this issue. I would be able to handle this conversation now but that is after intense IC and MC.

Don't sell yourself short. Figure out what would make you feel "safe" and ask for it. If safe means she is gone.....ask for it. His actions will tell you what I think you already suspect.

T

allusions posted 9/4/2013 10:34 AM

I think she is certainly not being a godmother in any sense of the word, whether spiritual/religious or secular. She does not have your kids' best interest at heart if she is being dishonest with you and sending nude pictures to your spouse and causing problems in your marriage. Her role as godmother is forfeit.

Painfuljourney posted 9/4/2013 11:37 AM

If it were me it's be her or me. There is no gray area. She crossed the line. He was dishonest= no trust. You can't have that toxic energy in your lives.

I'm not Catholic so I don't understand Godmothers but to me it's a title she has lost.

Pippy posted 9/4/2013 11:42 AM

Giant red flag when he defended her (the Godmother bit). Go into stealth mode and find out what is really going on. If you ask him they will go underground.

Why did she live with you and why did she move out?

Josephine01 posted 9/4/2013 12:16 PM

It doesn't sound like you can stomach having these home wrecker's in your life. I certainly don't have all the answers but, it is not you that needs to get rid of her it is him. If he is not willing to do so, then you need to make a decision are you willing to have an open relationship and share him? If not, even though you love him, you have to give him a choice, it's either her or you.

I wish I had better advice. . . (((HUGS)))

Broken6 posted 9/6/2013 21:36 PM

Sounds like she is still after him. How old are your kids? If they are old enough to understand, tell them that this person is a bad person. She has no morals and is someone you don't want them exposed to. I say this all the time - I tell WH that the OW is never to be around my kids. You wouldn't want a pedophile or an abusive person near your kids - therefore you don't want this loser near them either. This way it exposes her for who and what she is - a tramp and a homewrecker. If your kids know what she is, they can request that she not attend their events. It is your family, your children, your husband if you want him, guard it. Hugs to you.

StillGoing posted 9/6/2013 23:29 PM

and he told me that he couldn't simply just ignore her because she is the kids Godmother.

What? Why not? Does she have a magic wand that will turn your kids into frogs or something? If he is worried about the religious aspect I think an inquiry into canonical penalties for fucking the godmother may be in order first. I have been an atheist for awhile but IIRC the RCC frowns on that shit.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 11:36 PM, September 6th (Friday)]

I think I can posted 9/7/2013 08:38 AM

Why are we so focused on what you can do and what the godmother is doing? Unless your man is three years old, he is perfectly capable of cutting off communication with her. He is choosing not to.