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thebirdcage (original poster new member #39274) posted at 12:45 AM on Thursday, September 5th, 2013
We are 5 months out from dd and expecting our rainbow hb baby. Weve been in counseling the whole time and that is going great. So much ao that the counselors say we are close to "graduation". He's been great wih calling when he gets off work and saying he's on his way home. He also has his find iPhone app so I can track him. OW (his ex) place is right on his way home so it's always a trigger.
Today, for the first time in a while i felt insecure. His ex still hangs out with all his friends and i couldnt help but think of a bday dinner we went to before dd but affter the cheating that we saw her. And I felt like a fool. I was the only one sitting there that didn't know. And there she was at the same table as us. Today he called me and said he had a rough day at work and is going to stop at the store to unwind and do some shopping. I said ok. I tracked his phone and he is where he says he is. But I don't know if its because I was already having an insecure day but I can't help but feel like maybe she's there with him. I don't know. I don't want it to start a fight. Just having an insecure moment. I hate how they just come out of nowhere... Just when you think you're healing...
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 12:52 AM on Thursday, September 5th, 2013
Yep mine works late on some nights because his business requires him to but it still triggers me. Only thing that helps me is to talk to him and I also track with the iphone app.
I feel you (((thebirdcage)))
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
womaninflux ( member #39667) posted at 12:53 AM on Thursday, September 5th, 2013
It doesn't necessarily have to start a fight. Remember, it's not always what you say, it's how you say it.
"WH, I appreciate you telling me you were stopping at the store to unwind. It made me feel anxious and think about everything that has happened."
BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"
doesitgetbetter ( member #18429) posted at 2:07 AM on Thursday, September 5th, 2013
We were graduated by MC at 5 months out as well. Then TT hit. Then we started MC again and were graduated at 8 months out. Then the antiversary came and severe depression set in. Then more MC and IC. MC was far more wary of "graduating" us anymore after that.
Just because things are so wonderful does NOT mean that the pain, the trauma, the fear, the unbelief are any better. They say it takes 2 to 5 years for a reason, and that's even with a model FWS (I have one of those too).
Don't be too hard on yourself. The down hump in the roller coaster will be coming up for a while. Along with the up swing. It takes a looooong time to really get off of the coaster.
FWIW, you have every right to wonder if he's at the store alone. Sometimes the feeling we have is really our gut trying to educate us.
DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - WS
Us - working on R - again
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
D-day 2 July 4, 2015, turns out he is a SAWH, status, working harder than before
May 22, 2019 -slip/relapse. He forgot he has to work forever
silentlyscreamin ( new member #34792) posted at 11:25 PM on Saturday, September 7th, 2013
Hi. What is the name of the phone "app" that tracks? I am feeling like I need this. I too have triggers and doubt. He said he got a 2nd job to help with bills but it's under the table. I often wonder if this is even true. He has been more angry lately and pushing me away and I feel like this is what he does when there are lies.
Thanks!
Married 5 years
DD 12/31/11 EA
DD#2 12/27/12 PA, started 9/12, ended 12/12
Status: living together due to finances but I feel continued anger and am leaning 95% toward divorce
thebirdcage (original poster new member #39274) posted at 3:41 AM on Sunday, September 8th, 2013
He has a iPhone. Under his settings he has the "find my iPhone" setting on. I downloaded the "find my iPhone app" and enter his email and password and it shows me where he is with GPS. I don't now if other phones besides the iPhones have it. And he has to agree to have it on and give you his info to login.
silentlyscreamin ( new member #34792) posted at 3:52 AM on Sunday, September 8th, 2013
Ok thanks for letting me know. I hate this. Who wants to go thru life checking a GPS?! Sigh....
Married 5 years
DD 12/31/11 EA
DD#2 12/27/12 PA, started 9/12, ended 12/12
Status: living together due to finances but I feel continued anger and am leaning 95% toward divorce
SorrowBhindSmile ( member #38139) posted at 6:11 PM on Sunday, September 8th, 2013
FYI...The Android Device Manager is Google's equivalent to the iPhone's Find my iPhone thing.
Dont feel bad...i am 8 1/2 months out from DDay and i JUST got off the phone with my WH because i was having an epic insecure moment and needed him to talk me down and provide reassurance.
I hate how they come out of no where too. hugs to you!!!
Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"
OnAnIsland ( member #34319) posted at 11:39 PM on Sunday, September 8th, 2013
So he's doing everything right, but you are feeling insecure. That sounds just about right for so many here, as you already heard.
I would talk with him. First I would acknowledge his efforts, his telling you, the GPS tracker data, etc. but just say hey I am still feeling insecure, have you seen her? Have you had any contact? How is the mental no contact going? I am 20 months out, and I have no problem asking this stuff when I need to.
If he is remorseful and owns what he did, there is no reason for this to be a fight. He shouldn't even be defensive.
Take care.
D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013
Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou
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