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Xwh not coming for DD's first time on the bus

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tryingagain74 posted 9/5/2013 05:49 AM

Honestly, I'm fine with it because I don't have to see him, but I am hugely disappointed in him. I imagine this must be about being there for the first day of school for his stepkids, so he'll pass up getting his biological kids on the bus (and this is DD's first day of kindergarten-- kind of a big deal, I think) so that he doesn't hurt the Owife's feelings.

Again, not a big deal for me. I just hope that it's not a big deal for my kids. Way to show your kids that they're not important to you. He said he'd "celebrate the first day of school from [his] house next Thursday" when they have overnight visitation.

Whatever. I guess he's passed the overinvolved, manic parenting phase and must be dipping into a valley, or perhaps the Owife doesn't want him to spend too much time around me without her supervision. What a jerk.

PurpleRose posted 9/5/2013 06:35 AM

Be glad you can continue your NC.

And honestly, the kids wot make a big deal of it unless you do. The first day of school was always chaotic and emotional for me as a mom. It's so hard to accept the times that our XWH are being jerks, but I think in the long run him not being there won't turn out to be something your child even recalls.

Sorry it's disappointing though.

[This message edited by PurpleRose at 6:36 AM, September 5th (Thursday)]

sparkysable posted 9/5/2013 13:56 PM

I didn't hear a peep from mine, we don't talk ever, so it's not unusual. However, I figure he will use it against me in the future that I didn't involve him, so I just sent him her picture standing in front of the house. I hope this doesn't end up biting me in the ass.

I did feel bad a little bit, a little twinge of something, as I was walking her into school, seeing all of the moms and dads together.

newlysingle posted 9/5/2013 17:16 PM

My STBX played father of the year for dd's first day of Kindy this year. However, he and OW are fully engaging in the posturing phase of their relationship. You know when they pretend their upstanding citizens that care oh so much about the welfare of my children. I can only imagine how long it will last, it's been less than a month. Before that, dd was lucky if she even got a call once per week.

I agree that she will only think it's a big deal if you make it one. Just enjoy her first day and pity him that he's missing out on such important moments in her life.

tryingagain74 posted 9/5/2013 17:56 PM

Well, I said nothing about it and didn't act unhappy, but DS #1 asked if his dad was coming and was quite disappointed when I said that he wasn't. Nice, XWH.

However, the silver lining (other than the fact that DS #2 and DD didn't seem to care at all) is that XWH told DS #1 later on the phone (when he did his phony baloney, "I'm calling to see how your first day went because I really care!" phone call) is that he wanted the two of us to have our separate first days with them. Today was my first day of school with the kids, and then when they are leaving his house next Thursday morning after their weekday overnight, he'll have "his" first day of school with them at his house.

I'm hoping this means that he's moving toward doing everything separately-- no more sharing Christmas and Easter mornings, and since he didn't ask to come over when DS #1 opened his presents on his birthday, I'm hoping that now all birthday celebrations will be separate as well.

The Owife's presence has actually benefited me in many ways, ironically enough. I don't know if she's jealous, needy, or both, but after having to meet him at my DD's orientation days, I LOVE being NC with him otherwise.

Holly-Isis posted 9/5/2013 18:00 PM

I'm sorry, but if he can't get that you can only have one first FIRST day of school, no wonder he didn't get that you should date while you're M.

tryingagain74 posted 9/5/2013 19:30 PM

Yeah, right? Is he actually going to have them pose for "faux first day" pictures?

He is just so... weird. I can't tell what his involvement is going to be from one day to another. I guess I'm grateful when I'm spared his presence, but it's sad when my kids are disappointed by him again and again.

sparkysable posted 9/5/2013 20:05 PM

so wait....he's going to do the "real" first day pictures with OW's kids, but then do the "fake" first day pics a week later with his own kids?

And he doesn't think the kids are going to see right through this?

suckstobeme posted 9/6/2013 03:19 AM

He can label it with any stupid ass, pompous rationalization he wants. The kids will soon come to realize that he chooses the OW and her kids over them. It's the first day of school for his youngest kid - that's a big deal to kids and parents. The fact that he couldn't be bothered to show up because he had to watch her kids get on the bus will not be lost on them.

My exWH is the same way. He is woefully inadequate. He doesn't show up for anything and doesn't even call them afterward to ask how things went. He will go to her kids soccer games and help throw her kids birthday parties, but has never gone to my daughters dance recital, missed my sons first music concert, and has never given them more than a store bought cupcake to celebrate their birthdays. He never even calls them on Christmas morning to ask what santa brought. He bought her kids new bikes and mine got the hand me downs. My kids know they are not his first priority. They are too small yet to express it completely and still love him so they take what crumbs he throws them for now. But, they see the difference between the weak and the strong parent and they know where the loyalty lies. Yours do too. Trust me, the cost of our exWH's "happiness" will, in the end, be their children. My son asks every single night as part of his bedtime routine - "you'll never leave us right?". The wayward theory that none of this impacts the kids is pure bullshit. No matter how much we behave ourselves and swallow the shit sandwich, ultimately, it's them and their actions that hurt the kids forever.

To me, this also helps confirm what a piece of shit these OW are. Personally, I would be so turned off by a man who ignored and diminished his own children and the important things in their lives. I would think he was a pig for missing the first bus ride, not be proud of the fact that he chose me and my kid over that event. It shows her insecurity, stupidity and weakness as a human being. It's sickening really but helps complete the picture and show that they can't hold a candle to decent, moral people who are easily able to empathize and consider their kids feelings first.

For us, I suppose we have to learn never to expect our exes to fly straight and do right by their children. I have a hard time with that too for many reasons. On some level, they will forever continue to hurt us through the kids. They will forever continue to surprise and confound us because they chose someone else over their own blood. Hopefully, that will diminish over time and we will become largely immune from this new kind of hurt and disappointment, which, oddly enough, goes way beyond what they did to us.

tesla posted 9/6/2013 20:25 PM

What a dipshit.

He'll justify his bullshit six ways till Tuesday and funny thing, he'll believe every word he says. The kids, however, get it.

sparkysable posted 9/8/2013 08:01 AM

Amen suckstobeme! Every word is right on!

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