Again, not a big deal for me. I just hope that it's not a big deal for my kids. Way to show your kids that they're not important to you. He said he'd "celebrate the first day of school from [his] house next Thursday" when they have overnight visitation.
Whatever. I guess he's passed the overinvolved, manic parenting phase and must be dipping into a valley, or perhaps the Owife doesn't want him to spend too much time around me without her supervision. What a jerk.
And honestly, the kids wot make a big deal of it unless you do. The first day of school was always chaotic and emotional for me as a mom. It's so hard to accept the times that our XWH are being jerks, but I think in the long run him not being there won't turn out to be something your child even recalls.
Sorry it's disappointing though.
[This message edited by PurpleRose at 6:36 AM, September 5th (Thursday)]
It's OKAY to be scared.
Being scared means you're about
to do something really, really brave.
I did feel bad a little bit, a little twinge of something, as I was walking her into school, seeing all of the moms and dads together.
I agree that she will only think it's a big deal if you make it one. Just enjoy her first day and pity him that he's missing out on such important moments in her life.
However, the silver lining (other than the fact that DS #2 and DD didn't seem to care at all) is that XWH told DS #1 later on the phone (when he did his phony baloney, "I'm calling to see how your first day went because I really care!" phone call) is that he wanted the two of us to have our separate first days with them. Today was my first day of school with the kids, and then when they are leaving his house next Thursday morning after their weekday overnight, he'll have "his" first day of school with them at his house.
I'm hoping this means that he's moving toward doing everything separately-- no more sharing Christmas and Easter mornings, and since he didn't ask to come over when DS #1 opened his presents on his birthday, I'm hoping that now all birthday celebrations will be separate as well.
The Owife's presence has actually benefited me in many ways, ironically enough. I don't know if she's jealous, needy, or both, but after having to meet him at my DD's orientation days, I LOVE being NC with him otherwise.
He is just so... weird. I can't tell what his involvement is going to be from one day to another. I guess I'm grateful when I'm spared his presence, but it's sad when my kids are disappointed by him again and again.
And he doesn't think the kids are going to see right through this?
My exWH is the same way. He is woefully inadequate. He doesn't show up for anything and doesn't even call them afterward to ask how things went. He will go to her kids soccer games and help throw her kids birthday parties, but has never gone to my daughters dance recital, missed my sons first music concert, and has never given them more than a store bought cupcake to celebrate their birthdays. He never even calls them on Christmas morning to ask what santa brought. He bought her kids new bikes and mine got the hand me downs. My kids know they are not his first priority. They are too small yet to express it completely and still love him so they take what crumbs he throws them for now. But, they see the difference between the weak and the strong parent and they know where the loyalty lies. Yours do too. Trust me, the cost of our exWH's "happiness" will, in the end, be their children. My son asks every single night as part of his bedtime routine - "you'll never leave us right?". The wayward theory that none of this impacts the kids is pure bullshit. No matter how much we behave ourselves and swallow the shit sandwich, ultimately, it's them and their actions that hurt the kids forever.
To me, this also helps confirm what a piece of shit these OW are. Personally, I would be so turned off by a man who ignored and diminished his own children and the important things in their lives. I would think he was a pig for missing the first bus ride, not be proud of the fact that he chose me and my kid over that event. It shows her insecurity, stupidity and weakness as a human being. It's sickening really but helps complete the picture and show that they can't hold a candle to decent, moral people who are easily able to empathize and consider their kids feelings first.
For us, I suppose we have to learn never to expect our exes to fly straight and do right by their children. I have a hard time with that too for many reasons. On some level, they will forever continue to hurt us through the kids. They will forever continue to surprise and confound us because they chose someone else over their own blood. Hopefully, that will diminish over time and we will become largely immune from this new kind of hurt and disappointment, which, oddly enough, goes way beyond what they did to us.