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Divorce/Separation :
Getting ugly

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 Thefly559 (original poster member #40268) posted at 12:12 PM on Thursday, September 5th, 2013

I am in the middle of a nasty divorce which is about to go to trial and my story some of you know but my wife had an exit affair with no remorse and planned it for two years very detailed , she filed first and had me removed from my home , she was very pre meditated and I was blind! I am no longer blind and I am about to see a forensic psychologist , court ordered I am not sure what to expect for me or my kids ! Any advice would be helpful. Thanks in advance

"respect? you don't deserve it, you won't get any from me unless you earn it"

posts: 1033   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2013   ·   location: nyc
id 6474879
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Celticlass ( member #39518) posted at 3:23 PM on Thursday, September 5th, 2013

Sending you hugs. Don't have any advice but wanted you to know someone wishes you well.

When does this appt take place? Keep us posted.




posts: 72   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2013   ·   location: Lone Star State
id 6475008
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 Thefly559 (original poster member #40268) posted at 3:37 PM on Thursday, September 5th, 2013

Numerous visits over two months for me my stbxw and kids last I think. First time going through this nightmare so just wanted to try to get a heads up on what to expect. Thank you for your response and support. All the best.

"respect? you don't deserve it, you won't get any from me unless you earn it"

posts: 1033   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2013   ·   location: nyc
id 6475024
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Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 3:59 PM on Thursday, September 5th, 2013

Do you mean you're going to have a parenting evaluation? There are several of us here who have had them done. What kind of questions do you have?

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6475055
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5454real ( member #37455) posted at 4:12 PM on Thursday, September 5th, 2013

if I remember your story correctly, doesn't your STBXW have a degree in psychology? does she work in the field? given how well she has set everything else up, I might be concerned about a conflict of interest with the forensic psychologist.

look for connections between the two. also, look for connections between th OM and the evaluator.

I would also present my lawyer with a list of the reading material you gave us. what on earth did she need it for?

damn she is a cold b**** brother.

strength

BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle

posts: 5670   ·   registered: Nov. 12th, 2012   ·   location: midwest
id 6475072
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 Thefly559 (original poster member #40268) posted at 5:23 PM on Thursday, September 5th, 2013

To answer your questions no it is not a parenting thing. I did that already , it is a forensic psycologist so it is very new to me. And yes 5454 good memory. She has a psychology degree that is why I am so scared. She is great at manipulation and control. I thank you for your advice and concern and I will definatly bring pictures of all those mind control books I found. Thanks

"respect? you don't deserve it, you won't get any from me unless you earn it"

posts: 1033   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2013   ·   location: nyc
id 6475168
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dmari ( member #37215) posted at 5:34 PM on Thursday, September 5th, 2013

Are both of you going to see the forensic psychologist? In my state, the forensic psychologist is used mainly in regards to children. For example, my stbx has psychiatric issues and accused me of parental alienation. He wanted all of us to be seen by a forensic psychologist so we were court ordered. Then, stbx changed his mind so he withdrew his request.

If both parties can't agree on a psychologist, the court chooses. I hope your stbx didn't chose this forensic psychologist.

From what I hear, you would go through a battery of tests and also be meeting one on one with the forensic psychologist. They see right through bullshit so be straight up honest. I hear it's brutal. I'm curious is to why you even need to see one.

posts: 2868   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2012
id 6475184
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5454real ( member #37455) posted at 5:53 PM on Thursday, September 5th, 2013

is she being evaluated also? I think it might be something your lawyer could have directed.

I cannot emphasize enough that you need to make sure there is no connection between her and the evaluator or the other man and the evaluator. the connection I would be looking for would be something along the lines of having taken a class taught by the forensic psychologist. it's a relatively small, close Knit field.

BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle

posts: 5670   ·   registered: Nov. 12th, 2012   ·   location: midwest
id 6475208
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Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 7:00 PM on Thursday, September 5th, 2013

Now that I've had a chance to do a little reading & learning about forensic psychology, I'm actually scared for you, man.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6475310
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newlysingle ( member #38735) posted at 7:05 PM on Thursday, September 5th, 2013

I guess I don't really understand. Why do you have to do this? Is she trying to claim that you are unstable or something?

BW - Me (40)
XWH -The Gnat
"Engaged" to OW, but the wedding appears to be indefinitely postponed.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (8), 1 DS (3)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

posts: 1273   ·   registered: Mar. 17th, 2013   ·   location: AZ
id 6475317
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SeanFLA ( member #32380) posted at 8:05 PM on Thursday, September 5th, 2013

Sounds to me like you could turn this on her if need be and prove that she's the one who is unstable. Gee a spouse who chooses to cheat, putting your life in jeopardy with STDs, possibly orphaning your children and then is totally unremorseful. Last time I checked adultery, although not punishable by law for the most part, is still looked down upon by most people including professional psychologists, therapists and judges. Might want to remind her of that.

She's trying to find a way (within her field) to pass blame for her poor behavior. People see right through that.

BS(me) 53
WW 52
1 son 20 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley

posts: 1647   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2011   ·   location: Zombie Land
id 6475394
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Ashland13 ( member #38378) posted at 9:04 PM on Thursday, September 5th, 2013

I don't want to generalize but have heard that this is a way that is used to make an abandoning spouse look better.

Perv has tried to do this, as I've complained about before...no forensic psychologist yet, but our trial is just getting scheduled and nothing would surprise me at this point.

I also agree on the posts suggesting that there be no affiliation with WW and the psychologist if I read that right... that would be totally unfair to you.

We have other things going on and something I started to do is get more than one opinion or person involved. It costs a lot of money, but it's our future and I won't be tricked any more. So anyone the other side suggests, I ask for at least one other opinion that I or my own L came up with.

And yes, sending you hugs and peace on this difficult road ahead.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 3:05 PM, September 5th (Thursday)]

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

posts: 3034   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2013   ·   location: New England
id 6475462
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persevere ( member #31468) posted at 2:03 AM on Friday, September 6th, 2013

With regard to 5454's concern I would recommend you politely ask the evaluator if they know each other in any way.

DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.

posts: 5329   ·   registered: Mar. 9th, 2011
id 6475803
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 Thefly559 (original poster member #40268) posted at 3:33 AM on Friday, September 6th, 2013

We all have to see th forensic psyc. Court ordered by the judge , I think because of my stbxw abuse of me and kids mentally. But not sure all I know is I have to pay for the whole thing! And she gets alimony , child support , lives in our home , collects unemployment from our company , has a full time job in sales and claims no income for two years ! But I have to pay all court costs?????? Wtf? Thanks for all the advice and support you guys and girls are awesome !

"respect? you don't deserve it, you won't get any from me unless you earn it"

posts: 1033   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2013   ·   location: nyc
id 6475903
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5454real ( member #37455) posted at 4:34 AM on Friday, September 6th, 2013

Are you by chance journaling this?

If you are able to get an unbiased forensic psychologist to look at her reading material, consider the false DV charge and her behaviors regarding her income, wow.

Even at that, will you be able to prove in court that she has a job, yet reports no income?

If so, your lawyer must be rubbing their hands together. Proving perjury the first day of the trial? Wow.

Good luck brother.

BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle

posts: 5670   ·   registered: Nov. 12th, 2012   ·   location: midwest
id 6475969
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jjct ( member #17484) posted at 1:28 PM on Friday, September 6th, 2013

fly)))

Sending MOJO brother!

You say "you think it's because..."

Can you ask your L?

I'm praying this gets turned completely around to your favor!

It is clearly abuse - of a stripe one reads about in horror books.

Keep us posted.

posts: 7269   ·   registered: Dec. 24th, 2007   ·   location: texas
id 6476219
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