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Newest Member: bob74 (46035)

User Topic: P M S pattern?
Heartsick1
♀ 38818
Member # 38818
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I notice that around my "time of the month" I have a very hard time constructively discussing my day to day up's and down's about the A. I seem to obsess about it more, and bring up everything that crosses my mind. Most of the time my questions do not come out very nice, and I make snide hurtful comments to my H. My thought pattern of hope and forgiveness on the immediate horizon, can quickly turn to "Get me the hell out of here"!

I was wondering if any of you have experienced this toxic pattern, and have ways to help combat it?


Me Mid 40's) - BS
Him (late 40's) - WH
Married 4 yrs.
D-Day - 1/13

Fully working on R...... which is the hardest thing I have ever been through!


Posts: 23 | Registered: Mar 2013
OldCow18
♀ 39670
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have. I'm only 3 months out, but looking back I have noticed each month that I become very depressed while PMSing...like, laying in bed, turn out the lights, keep the kids away depressed.

I don't have any solutions except to keep an eye on the calendar and maybe take a break from having any major discussion H for a couple of days...


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Blameitontherain
♀ 37476
Member # 37476
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes! Just chiming in to say I go through the same thing. I have no solutions but my WH brought it to my attention that the worse meltdowns happen right around that time of the month. He dreads it, I do too. Everything seems hopeless. I doubt myself, my marriage, my WH, etc. nothing seems right in the world.

I asked him to please be aware that while I will try to control it as best I can, I am basically battling biology. I asked for him to be more sensitive and more attentive to his words and interactions with me. The stupidest crap will start a tailspin. Hopefully next month will go better ?


Posts: 273 | Registered: Nov 2012
AFrayedKnot
♂ 36622
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Completely different angle but yes the monthly cycle definitely had a negative impact on R.

About a week before my fWS would start withdrawing physically and verbally. A wall went up. It really reminded me of pre A and A behaviors

Every month I would spiral down when the week before things were great. It was crazy making. It probably took us 6 months to put 2 and 2 together.

We figure it is inevitable. We are real conscious of timing now with a lot of communication leading up. She tries really hard to be present and I try really hard to remember why. We ride it out pretty well now.


BS 40
fWS 37 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2692 | Registered: Aug 2012
DixieD
♀ 33457
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes!....and I've charted it.

In the beginning, with triggers and the rollercoaster of infidelity, things were unpredictable. There were some incredible highs and lows. I think we noticed around that 'time of the month' was worse overall but it was all pretty bad as I remember, so harder to see it stand out.

I'm far enough out and healed enough that the coaster isn't the scary ride that it once was. Hope that brings some hope to all the newbies out there -- it does get better.

But for the last 3 months I've had one day each month where I've had a meltdown, otherwise I'm good the rest of the time. Anxiety builds up for a day or two and I think, 'I got this covered, it's not that bad' and then BOOM. Spiral down into a pit. Next day, I've bounced back again. And that one day falls on the same time every month. Not a coincidence.

Hormones are a bitch. The stress on hormones that all this infidelity stuff causes sure doesn't help. Now I've seen the pattern, I'm going to increase vitamins (like B6) and if no change I'll have to go talk to my doctor about it.


Growing forward

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2011
Scubachick
♀ 39906
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes!! I just had this conversation with my husband a few nights ago. I cry uncontrollably and over stupid things. I feel extremely hopeless and just want to give up.

Posts: 853 | Registered: Jul 2013
brokensmile322
♀ 35758
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes! Yes! Yes!

I don't know that the trigger are more during this time....

I think I handle them worse. Any thought sends my mind out of control, like falling down the rabbit hole.

For a while, we would have these horrible fights...I mean awful. A few days later, Aunt Flo would show up...

I finally connected it.


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1613 | Registered: Jun 2012
Heartsick1
♀ 38818
Member # 38818
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is comforting to know I am not the only one that has a hard time getting a grip on my emotions. Thank you everyone for making me feel less crazy!

I guess it is something I do need to discuss with my H. I am sure he has seen the pattern, but the poor guy is probably scared shitless to say anything!

There is also a part of me that wonders if I address it, that the things I do spew will somehow be invalidated and discounted in his mind. Can you relate?


Me Mid 40's) - BS
Him (late 40's) - WH
Married 4 yrs.
D-Day - 1/13

Fully working on R...... which is the hardest thing I have ever been through!


Posts: 23 | Registered: Mar 2013
Silentthoughts
♀ 40289
Member # 40289
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes! But i am a ww and it makes it really hard on my bh. i am also perimenopausal (the nice term for CRAZY) and not regular so it's more of an after the fact realization of why I was a bitchier than normal. I'm on cymbalta which helps with my moods but I feel horrible and guilty after not being "there" for bh. It's an ongoing struggle and I can only imagine how painful it would be for a bw.


WW - early 50s (me)
BH - late 40s
3 grown children
Married 25 years
Online cyber sex dec 2010. I got caught late dec 2010. Lying and TT until full disclosure jan 2011.
In R we both are committed to staying in this M.

Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
WhiteCarrera
♂ 29126
Member # 29126
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with Chicho -- It runs both ways.

I'm one who had a lot of questions, and in time my WW and I got better about having calm conversations as I asked and (sometimes) re-asked lots of questions. But watch out in the few days leading up to her period. The type of simple question that was fine three weeks a month, would lead to a big shutdown in the fourth. I learned to just bite my tongue for a few days every month.


If I want recovery, then I must allow for it to actually happen.
Is it possible that I actually do have all the truth now?

me - husband A46
her - wife A42
Married 17 years
D-Day August 2, 2009
3 kids 11, 13, and 15


Posts: 277 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Midwest
LA44
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes! The week before is tough as is Day 2. I can get angry very quickly, get to bad places in my head very quickly. I am doing what I can to alleviate the symptons - taking my B vitamins, magnesium and not eating crap that seems to cloud my head even more. And finally, when I am in a really good place, I tell myself, "remember this in 3 weeks when you are going to need it most."

We have talked about it. We know when it takes place- I have it on my calendar in my bedroom closet...and I know he looks at it!


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2677 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
OptimisticWife
♀ 36587
Member # 36587
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A yes from me too! I have noticed its about a week prior too. I stay up later and I am thinking about my H's A constantly. It only lasts a few days to a week but it really depresses me. It's horrible. I still need to work out how to manage this

Posts: 190 | Registered: Aug 2012
gettingthere2013
♀ 38232
Member # 38232
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes,yes,and yes again! I'm heading into menopause,which brings a very special kind of hormone craziness with it. These days I cant ever tell when my cycle is going to start,but I have noticed that without fail,when I have a particularly hard time handling triggers or being rational about my feelings,my cycle starts within a week. H made the mistake ONCE of mentioning the correlation. Pretty sure he's not going to do it again


Me:BW(42)
Him:WH(40)
Kids: Seven...yes,you read that right,and yes-we do know what causes them :)
Dday#1 1/29/2013(ONS with coworker)
Dday#2 4/8/2013(6 month LD PA with coworker,over for six months at time of discovery)
Reconciling...in all our

Posts: 73 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: South
musiclovingmom
♀ 38207
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Idk if it is a pattern yet since this is the first regular cycle I have had since the A (pregnancy and post-partum stuff really messed me up this time. But, I definitely had a really nasty couple of days where even non-A related things became huge A triggers. I will say, however, that my mood swings pre-menstration have always been pretty severe and I was looking into the possibility of PMDD before I got prego. Having had a dday and a baby since ther certainly isn't helping.

Posts: 1172 | Registered: Jan 2013
LA44
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FYI to those who want to do something about it other then diet and excerise...I did start seeing a Naturopath for one year and that was my #1 request - that I get some support for my hormone levels. We focused on Days 14 - 28 bc that was when I was so up/down and then really down! I am off the "tincture" she put together for me but still take the B's as mentioned and they really do help. They are the "feel good" supplements.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2677 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Topic Posts: 15

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