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Heartsick1 posted 9/5/2013 09:59 AM

I notice that around my "time of the month" I have a very hard time constructively discussing my day to day up's and down's about the A. I seem to obsess about it more, and bring up everything that crosses my mind. Most of the time my questions do not come out very nice, and I make snide hurtful comments to my H. My thought pattern of hope and forgiveness on the immediate horizon, can quickly turn to "Get me the hell out of here"!

I was wondering if any of you have experienced this toxic pattern, and have ways to help combat it?

OldCow18 posted 9/5/2013 10:52 AM

I have. I'm only 3 months out, but looking back I have noticed each month that I become very depressed while PMSing...like, laying in bed, turn out the lights, keep the kids away depressed.

I don't have any solutions except to keep an eye on the calendar and maybe take a break from having any major discussion H for a couple of days...

Blameitontherain posted 9/5/2013 10:57 AM

Yes! Just chiming in to say I go through the same thing. I have no solutions but my WH brought it to my attention that the worse meltdowns happen right around that time of the month. He dreads it, I do too. Everything seems hopeless. I doubt myself, my marriage, my WH, etc. nothing seems right in the world.

I asked him to please be aware that while I will try to control it as best I can, I am basically battling biology. I asked for him to be more sensitive and more attentive to his words and interactions with me. The stupidest crap will start a tailspin. Hopefully next month will go better ?

AFrayedKnot posted 9/5/2013 11:05 AM

Completely different angle but yes the monthly cycle definitely had a negative impact on R.

About a week before my fWS would start withdrawing physically and verbally. A wall went up. It really reminded me of pre A and A behaviors

Every month I would spiral down when the week before things were great. It was crazy making. It probably took us 6 months to put 2 and 2 together.

We figure it is inevitable. We are real conscious of timing now with a lot of communication leading up. She tries really hard to be present and I try really hard to remember why. We ride it out pretty well now.

DixieD posted 9/5/2013 11:13 AM

Yes!....and I've charted it.

In the beginning, with triggers and the rollercoaster of infidelity, things were unpredictable. There were some incredible highs and lows. I think we noticed around that 'time of the month' was worse overall but it was all pretty bad as I remember, so harder to see it stand out.

I'm far enough out and healed enough that the coaster isn't the scary ride that it once was. Hope that brings some hope to all the newbies out there -- it does get better.

But for the last 3 months I've had one day each month where I've had a meltdown, otherwise I'm good the rest of the time. Anxiety builds up for a day or two and I think, 'I got this covered, it's not that bad' and then BOOM. Spiral down into a pit. Next day, I've bounced back again. And that one day falls on the same time every month. Not a coincidence.

Hormones are a bitch. The stress on hormones that all this infidelity stuff causes sure doesn't help. Now I've seen the pattern, I'm going to increase vitamins (like B6) and if no change I'll have to go talk to my doctor about it.

Scubachick posted 9/5/2013 11:47 AM

Yes!! I just had this conversation with my husband a few nights ago. I cry uncontrollably and over stupid things. I feel extremely hopeless and just want to give up.

brokensmile322 posted 9/5/2013 12:37 PM

Yes! Yes! Yes!

I don't know that the trigger are more during this time....

I think I handle them worse. Any thought sends my mind out of control, like falling down the rabbit hole.

For a while, we would have these horrible fights...I mean awful. A few days later, Aunt Flo would show up...

I finally connected it.

Heartsick1 posted 9/5/2013 12:54 PM

It is comforting to know I am not the only one that has a hard time getting a grip on my emotions. Thank you everyone for making me feel less crazy!

I guess it is something I do need to discuss with my H. I am sure he has seen the pattern, but the poor guy is probably scared shitless to say anything!

There is also a part of me that wonders if I address it, that the things I do spew will somehow be invalidated and discounted in his mind. Can you relate?

Silentthoughts posted 9/5/2013 12:55 PM

Yes! But i am a ww and it makes it really hard on my bh. i am also perimenopausal (the nice term for CRAZY) and not regular so it's more of an after the fact realization of why I was a bitchier than normal. I'm on cymbalta which helps with my moods but I feel horrible and guilty after not being "there" for bh. It's an ongoing struggle and I can only imagine how painful it would be for a bw.

WhiteCarrera posted 9/5/2013 21:55 PM

I'm with Chicho -- It runs both ways.

I'm one who had a lot of questions, and in time my WW and I got better about having calm conversations as I asked and (sometimes) re-asked lots of questions. But watch out in the few days leading up to her period. The type of simple question that was fine three weeks a month, would lead to a big shutdown in the fourth. I learned to just bite my tongue for a few days every month.

LA44 posted 9/6/2013 08:14 AM

Yes! The week before is tough as is Day 2. I can get angry very quickly, get to bad places in my head very quickly. I am doing what I can to alleviate the symptons - taking my B vitamins, magnesium and not eating crap that seems to cloud my head even more. And finally, when I am in a really good place, I tell myself, "remember this in 3 weeks when you are going to need it most."

We have talked about it. We know when it takes place- I have it on my calendar in my bedroom closet...and I know he looks at it!

OptimisticWife posted 9/6/2013 08:19 AM

A yes from me too! I have noticed its about a week prior too. I stay up later and I am thinking about my H's A constantly. It only lasts a few days to a week but it really depresses me. It's horrible. I still need to work out how to manage this

gettingthere2013 posted 9/6/2013 08:25 AM

Yes,yes,and yes again! I'm heading into menopause,which brings a very special kind of hormone craziness with it. These days I cant ever tell when my cycle is going to start,but I have noticed that without fail,when I have a particularly hard time handling triggers or being rational about my feelings,my cycle starts within a week. H made the mistake ONCE of mentioning the correlation. Pretty sure he's not going to do it again

musiclovingmom posted 9/6/2013 09:31 AM

Idk if it is a pattern yet since this is the first regular cycle I have had since the A (pregnancy and post-partum stuff really messed me up this time. But, I definitely had a really nasty couple of days where even non-A related things became huge A triggers. I will say, however, that my mood swings pre-menstration have always been pretty severe and I was looking into the possibility of PMDD before I got prego. Having had a dday and a baby since ther certainly isn't helping.

LA44 posted 9/6/2013 13:55 PM

FYI to those who want to do something about it other then diet and excerise...I did start seeing a Naturopath for one year and that was my #1 request - that I get some support for my hormone levels. We focused on Days 14 - 28 bc that was when I was so up/down and then really down! I am off the "tincture" she put together for me but still take the B's as mentioned and they really do help. They are the "feel good" supplements.