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Trying to sort my feelings - Why do I feel this way?

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Must Survive posted 9/5/2013 10:32 AM

If you have read my past posts, 3 months ago I noticed OW#3 had removed pics and notice of engagement to my STBXH. I thought they were setting me up for custody. Divorce mediation was early August.

Anyway, in the past 2.5 months OW#3 has been joining all the single meetups that I belong to. Great, NOT. Fortunately it looks like she is not athletic and has not joined any of those type of meetups I belong to (and mostly go go).

Here is what I am trying to sort out. Divorce is almost done. From my perspective at least OW#3 is perhaps not happy. I doubt my STBXH pays attention to what she does online. Who knows if he is unhappy or not. I would like to think Karma is biting him with a very unhappy home life.

My problem is that part of me wants him to be so miserable he realizes what he has lost and figures out how to fix it. That he will somehow turn into the man I thought he was.

I feel like I am crazy thinking this way. But I still after 20 months can't get over what he has done to our family.

Anyone else go through this? I mean we all talk about waywards living in unicorn land, but my goodness, I feel like I am in it too, thinking he will suddenly see the light.

I can't tell anyone irl they would think I am crazy. Counseling session isn't until next week.

I would not even know this but for seeing OW#3 on my meetup groups now.

mof2 posted 9/5/2013 10:38 AM

You are not crazy to think that way at all. I think everybody that goes through this has thought that way. I always wished he would wake up, realize what he has done, and try to come back and then I can reject HIM! I know I am not the only person who thinks like this. I think it would be crazy if someone didn't think the way you do. That would mean that you really didn't love him. (((Must Survive)))

HurtsButImOK posted 9/5/2013 12:44 PM

**raising hand**

I have been feeling this way recently also. For me I think its triggered by the legal separation almost being final.

From the feelings of hoping he would get it, want me back etc I started thinking through my list of 'R' requirements. They are impossible for him to meet so I keep moving forward one day at a time.

((Must Survive))

fallingquickly posted 9/5/2013 12:57 PM

(((Must Survive)))

It's completely normal to hang on to our dreams. I stayed for a long time hoping that he would change into the man I had believed him to be. Once I realized that he didn't want to be that person or live the way I needed then I could let go. It wasn't easy, but for me the time had come.

dindy posted 9/5/2013 13:11 PM

Not crazy at all just human.

It's so hard letting go of the future and dreams we thought we had but are now shattered like our core being.

I sometimes wish my ex would get it, come crawling back and prove with actions that he can be the the most amazing man I deserve ever and the best possible father to our children.

Then I wake up and recall that he was unremorseful, not wanting to R on my terms and believes this fantasy was worth more than me, his two small children and our family unit, and I quickly remember why my children and I deserve so much more.

Housefulloflove posted 9/5/2013 13:42 PM

If it's crazy, I'm crazy right along with you. I think of my ex as a giant, walking pile of hot turds but I'd still love it if it turned out that this was some sort of "fog" and he would understand what he lost and have true remorse.

I'm almost certain that if that miracle occurred, the miracle of me being willing to take a chance on him is even less likely. I would just be happy to see that the guy I thought I married really existed and I hadn't actually spent a decade of my life with a phantom.

I'm certain that I actually did live with a phantom but's something that deep down inside I hope happens one day. Hoping/dreaming of best case scenarios is great IMO, as long as the person isn't living and planning as though that dream is guaranteed.

[This message edited by Housefulloflove at 1:45 PM, September 5th (Thursday)]

Nature_Girl posted 9/5/2013 13:44 PM

I don't want my husband back, but I would appreciate finding out he had even a smidgeon of remorse for hurting me & the children. Sadly, I wouldn't believe it if he said it, though, since he's such a liar.

Must Survive posted 9/5/2013 20:27 PM

Thanks you guys. Its nice to know that others felt the same way.

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