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Double whammy

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newlysingle posted 9/5/2013 12:21 PM

This is about a friend, not me. I'm so upset for her and don't know how to help. She is divorced, but recently became engaged to a man she has been dating for a couple of years. The relationship has always been a bit rocky and I'll admit that I wasn't thrilled for her when she said they were engaged. Anyway, she woke up yesterday morning to find him dead in bed next to her. He died in his sleep and they aren't sure yet what caused it. They're still awaiting autopsy results.

To add insult to injury, as they were notifying friends/family of his death, she discovered that he'd been having an A for the past 9 months. The OW did not know about my friend either, so she is innocent in this. My friend is dealing with such a range of emotions right now. She's grief stricken, but angry and hurt all at the same time.

I'm going over to spend time with her today and to help her sort through some of his paperwork. I'm just so heartbroken for her. It's really triggered me to a great extent about my own situation.

It did propel me to text the Gnat this morning and say the following. "While I'm still very angry at you and will probably never forgive you for the pain and hurt you've caused me, I don't want you dead. I'm sorry I said that to you". Yes, I did tell him I wished him dead once. Between what has happened to my friend and the poster who's WH committed suicide recently, I really don't wish this. I've received crickets from him, but that is fine. I don't need or even want him to respond.

Ugh, life is really hard, isn't it?

nowiknow23 posted 9/5/2013 14:14 PM

I'm so very sorry for all your friend is going through. What a blow!

If you are comfortable doing so, you may want to consider sharing SI with her. You could do it without exposing yourself or your user ID - you can always say you saw a story about SI online.

Sending you strength as you help her through this. Hugs for her as well.

sparkysable posted 9/5/2013 14:28 PM

How very awful for her.

newlysingle posted 9/5/2013 17:03 PM

Yes, I will tell her about SI. She is in just such a raw state right now. I just went and spent the afternoon with her at his house. She is going through all of his bills, etc. It's really hard because she is very close to his family and his children. There are only a few people that know about the A. She is choosing not to share it with others, because it really doesn't matter at this point, anyway. I have to agree with her. I think she also doesn't want to hear people bad mouth him when she's still grieving his death.

Holly-Isis posted 9/5/2013 17:52 PM

I'm so sorry for her. There have been a handful of BSs over the years that came to SI with post-mortem d-days.

I know it's triggering you, but I'm glad she has you to help her through this.

newlysingle posted 9/5/2013 18:06 PM

The thing I forgot to add that she told me today, was that he had taken Xanax before bed. It's really ironic because when the Gnat was secretly living his double life he started taking a lot of Xanax. I was concerned about it at the time, but I thought it was due to finding out his dad had cancer. He even collapsed in our bathroom one night. Little did I know that it was due to his double life catching up with him.

So there's a possibility it was Xanax that killed him. It'll be interesting to see what the autopsy report says.

newlysingle posted 9/5/2013 18:09 PM

Oh, and I texted the Gnat today to see if he could watch the baby for me while I go to the funeral next week. He said yes and asked if it was someone he knew that died.

I told him the whole story, about the A and the Xanax. Then added, "sounds eerily familiar, right?" I've received crickets from that text, LOL. The Gnat doesn't like having a mirror put in his face.

Skan posted 9/5/2013 18:54 PM

You may want to tell your friend to make sure that the OW, innocent of knowing about her or not, is specifically told that she is NOT invited to the funeral and if she shows up, will be shown to the door by security. Nip that little drama show right in the bud, as it were.

I hope that she can come here for some support.

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