Hello friends,
After lurking and reading the forums for some help and advice I finally worked up the courage to post my story. I hope that there's someone who can provide feedback, advice, anything.
I am 32 years old and met my partner in June of 2010. There was an instant connection. He was easy to be around, made me laugh, was sensitive, intelligent, and fun. By September he had lost his job and was faced with having to move in with his parents in another part of the state. Since things were going so well and we were falling in love I offered to let him move in with me. We combined households and were living a good life while he looked for work. We had a couple of bumps in the road, mainly us having disagreements because he would lie about some minor, insignificant things - mainly how much something cost.
Fast forward to 2012, thing were going great we had discussed marriage, had 4-legged kids and were enjoying life. He was working his dream job teaching high school. I was so proud and ecstatic that he was following his passion! In October 2012, I had a breakdown. I work in public service and as a result had some very traumatic experiences that led to a diagnosis of PTSD after I attempted suicide by drug overdose. I was having nightmares, panic attacks and resorted to using unhealthy coping to manage these issues.
After my diagnosis and subsequent therapy, I was on the right track. Things were going good and I was dealing with the demons that I tried to avoid for so long. He committed to support me and stand by me during all of this.
In the beginning of 2013 I started a job in which I traveled internationally for work sometimes being gone for a week. By mid-March he was forced to resign from his teaching position (due to extended illness secondary to mold in his classroom-another long story). At this time, mid-March 2013 I was preparing to go on another trip for work and he told me that a friend of a friend was going to come over while I was gone so that he could work on his resume. I encouraged this as my partner was feeling depressed at having to leave his job.
I came home from said trip and he told me this guy came over and he did his resume. Then a few days later after having a couple of drinks he slipped up and said this OM had come to our home THREE times. When I inquired as to why, he said that OM was recently coming out of the closet and WS wanted to "be a good influence on how gay people should act". I became highly suspicious of this, asked if he had a crush on OM, etc and WS replied "no, he's ugly, just trying to be friends". WS had told me that this person worked in the hotel industry, so when I looked in WS's phone I saw OM's name but listed as a teacher at WS's previous school.
The following months I'd asked WS repeatedly if he had an affair. WS continued to deny it and accused me that I "must feel guilty of something for making such accusations".
Meanwhile, we tried to continue living our life together, he repeatedly told me he loved me and wanted to be only with me.
In June, WS confessed that he had extreme anger issues over my PTSD and suicide attempt the previous year. WS wanted to separate, us go live with our parents while we worked on individual issues to make the relationship stronger. Once at the beginning of the separation he even asked "Do you still have our wedding rings?" and suggested we marry in NYC in August. A few days later we had a falling out and WS said that he didn't want to be with me. This led me to contacting suspected OM who confirmed that WS had PA/EA lasting about a week in around St Patrick's Day in March, in which he stayed the night in OUR BED.
WS ended the the A.
Just to add to it all, in late March (the 22nd, I think) WS viciously verbally berated his sister's boyfriend, resulting in a huge family fight. When I tried to figure it all out and help settle the tensions, WS sent me a text message "I'm taking Xanex and checking out". I often wonder if the cause of his fight and "Xanex" checking out was due to guilt for the A.