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Topic: I miss the anger... The pain is excruciating
Member # 38650
Posted: 7:01 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013
Still on the path to divorce. Every time I go to divorce support group I am overwhelmed with grief. To see and hear the pain an angst others are struggling through is indescribable. All because they chose to love the wrong someone and build a life with them, it will never make sense to me.
I was actually starting to soften and second guess my decision to leave my marriage. But then I asked if he had ever wanted to leave but was just too chicken, he said yes in 2008. He could have just been honest and our lives would have been so different. He was a fraud, I was trying to work on our marriage and he was just acting. He stayed because I got pregnant later that year. I had a lonely pregnancy (found out he had his first ons, cue knife to heart) Have felt like a single parent. God, why didn't he just walk? And why on earth does he want to stay now? He sees the value now we are so broken? I have cried every single day since Feb 6. Mourning the loss of something that never really was. He could have had mercy and freed me to have a family with someone else. He let me care for him and build him up while he secretly tore me down. Now, according to him, he is a good person who just made bad choices. What do you call that? Temporary assholeness? Now he is ready to take care of me? Why would I ever trust him to do that? Be my protector? Where was the protection when he was the threat? No questions really just a vent I guess. Thanks for reading.
Posts: 242 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 32900
Posted: 7:13 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013
I think itís good to get it out. Maybe having some angry would help? Someone else posted that you need to be careful when you let the anger go because the grief that follows is depressing. I think I am stuck there right now and Iím trying to find IC to help me. I hope someone who has navigated the grief better than I have will be along.
Your beliefs donít make you a better person, your behavior does.
Posts: 1162 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 40173
Posted: 7:50 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013
There isn't really a set timeline or expected series of feelings that going through a spouse's infidelity is going to give you. I'm only 5 weeks in (2 weeks separated) and each day is (some days hourly) is different. Today I went from tired, to anxious, to angry, to missing my WW, to ok, to furious, to whatever. It is a rollercoaster. Just try not to beat yourself up for not feeling or being some other way than you are.
Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Divorcing, 3 children
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S
Posts: 802 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 35812
Posted: 3:12 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013
No, he's a liar who made deliberate choices to lie to you, betray you, and all but abandon you and your unborn child. Good people don't do things like this. POS betrayers do.
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Posts: 5224 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Member # 34827
Posted: 6:43 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013
I tend to be more proactive with anger but pain makes me want to sleep and escape. I understand what your saying about him wanting to leave, but staying. My ws said he wanted out right before we were set to move. I told him to go. He changedhis mind (chickened out) and moved with us. In one yr to the date I discovered the A. I was so pissed that he came, treated me and kids like shit because he was too cowardly to leave. I wish he would have and not wasted more of my life.
As far as trusting, I don't think there's a time frame for that..could be never
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Posts: 5276 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 39996
Posted: 6:47 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013
I have said many times over the last year....you should have just Maned up and said you had lost interest in our marriage back when the EA had started. That way I wouldnt have lost so much in the process of dealing with the 4 years of A on top of the loss of love.
Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
Topic Posts: 6
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