Well, I had a good day, and I acted calm with Mr. Integrity at the Divorce Therapist and we made some headway on some logistical stuff. First, let me say, he is still a major douche...grade a douche.
But, boy, playing nice feels a lot like taking it up the butt!
I know it is a game now and my crazy mad lady act didn;t work, but it did feel a little like he was getting what he wanted and I was accepting this situation- which felt like losing. I am trying to keep the big picture in sight I acted like I didn't even want a D, was all him. I am trying to play the game, but I liked the rage so much better and making that coward squirm soooo much better than playing nice....ahh
So, after that performance I am gonna let it all out...
"Listen, Mr. F'in Integrity- you are a piece of shit coward who lies and cheats and betrays. And then lies some more. You think all the messed up shit you did doesn't impact your parenting somehow? Really, you are such a cold, snake eyed, man-child, small penised,ball-less douche of a mother f**ker. You are such a pathetic phony, pretending to be a normal human while really you are a f'in cretin with a major personlity disorder.
I would like to rip your eyeballs out of your head. You repulse me. The sound of your whiny psuedo intellectual voice makes me want to throw up. Your face is like a toilet bowl with a huge turd in it and I want to flush it. You are so messed up, you want to blame ME for this....you have re-written our marital history and say I treated you like a "servant." That is actually so funny, because if you were a servant- you were the worst f'in servant in the world. You sat on your lazy fat ass and did nothing. You didn't change a lightbulb or clean the pool or do anything around the house...and complained that I was nagging if I asked you one simple thing to help out.
You are a sick f**K that met some skank whore in a sex chat room- and now is denying that is how you met. You are mad that I accused you of potentially giving me an STD- guess what F**Ker, if you mess around, you risk my health too...why is that so hard to understand? Do you really think that a skank whore from a sex chat room has only been with you? Seriously, you are messed up.
I hate you. You are messing wiht our kids lives. You are messing with my financial stability. You are messing with my life.
And, as Alanis Morrisette said perfectly
"I am here to remind you, of the mess you left when you went away. " Oh, you won't forget it fucker. You are going to pay dearly. I will see to it.
"You, You, You ought to know...."
You are the laziest, whinest, pathetic, weakest husband that anyone could have married. You pretended to be happy and normal and underneath, you were a discusting lying, cheater, misogynist with shit communication skills who couldn't talk his way out of a paper bag.
I really hate you. I don't wish you were dead, but I wish you were hurt very badly. and have to have a penis amputation.
The part I hate most about you is how much you are trying to blame me! You are in denial, You are making shit up. I want to smash your ugly face. I wanted to jump up out of my chair and smash your small, herbie the dentist haired head, right in.
The boogeyman is coming....
