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Newest Member: bigpockets (45700)

User Topic: Therapy request part II
MelisssaZZZ
♀ 25953
Member # 25953
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i wrote few weeks earlier about it. xwh requested to see child therapist as he had concerns about dd behaviour.

therapist sussed him out in first meeting and said that issues are with him not DD. and asked to come back in few weeks time when she will assess if she needs to see DD.

so we go back. the assesment is that she does not to see DD, as all described sounds perfectly normal.

but she says the issues is the level of anxiety and lack of trust between us. if we would like to better parents she could see us every few weeks so 'help' with that. that would mean going through all divorce, affair etc etc issues.

personally i have no interest in discussing this again and again. no amount of talking is not going to talk me into trusting him..

xwh would like to go (me thinks lack for triange is killing the passion with ow)

what would you do?


Me BS - 37
WH 39
1 child - 5yrs
married 5 yrs, together 7
DD1 midmarch 09
DD2 early june 09
some more DD's of course - cannot bother to list
LTA (2 yrs) fully?? finished mid Aug 09
Status: Divorced Oct 2011

Posts: 1235 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: London, UK
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fuck.No. I will never attend IC with the sad clown. I would rather set my hair alight.

At a pinch I MAY consider seeing the same IC in 1:1 sessions.

Don't concern yourself about his intentions or reasons around this. Decide what it is you need. Is what is going on between you/X causing issues for your DD? Will they in the future? What can you do to potentially impact that?

For me - no way in hell. I don't plan on having any sort of relationship with that guy other than the arms-length parallel parenting I do now.

In all honesty all I see is a train wreck just even considering this. I can't see how that would be of benefit to my girls in any way, shape or form.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5651 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Dreamboat
♀ 10506
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No way. I don't trust X and nothing anyone can say or do will ever make me trust him. And I don't give a shit what he thinks about me. In addition, I have no desire to ever rehash the A or D. That lies in the past and I am looking at my future.

Tell your X that if he would like to go then you will support that decision, but you will decline to participate.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you should do this, but only if the divorce & affairs are off the table. Your C should focus only on your DD and how to be the best possible divorced parents for her.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10004 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
neverbeokay
8275
Member # 8275
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would not want to go. If he thinks he could benefit, why can't he go himself? It sounds like he is the one who has trouble with your daughter's "normal" toddler behavior.

Posts: 308 | Registered: Sep 2005
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's why you need to go: If you don't go, then at some point in the future when your X takes his ridiculous claims (about your daughter's behavior) further up the food chain, he can point to you & your uncooperative nature as the cause. Furthermore, the counselor will back him up. YOU will be the bad guy and you will lose custody.

You need to go in order to cover your ass and protect your rights as a mother. Just make sure that discussing your divorce is off the table. You're there for your daughter, not for reconciliation.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10004 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The way I've understood it is that there are no issues with your DD. Your therapist believes Xs made-up concerns about your DD is due to 'the level of anxiety and lack of trust' between the two of you.

There ain't no IC that will ever help me NOT be anxious whenever my girls are with him nor make me trust him even a teeny, tiny bit.

If I am mistaken this lack of trust is impacting your DD then I would consider it. I'd be very cautious for signs that he was using it as a manipulation tactic.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 6:49 PM, September 7th (Saturday)]


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5651 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
jjct
♂ 17484
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

See the therapist alone for the *cough* first *cough* meeting.
Lay it all out then.

I doubt you'll have to put up with him after she sees he's the problem...

You'll have 'done your duty', and gain immunity from idiot future false charges.


Posts: 6752 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
osxgirl
♀ 8795
Member # 8795
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with jjct about seeing the therapist alone for the "1st" meeting.

I'm guessing from what you've said that it will be very similar to what happened with the marriage counselor my X and I went to. We met with him once together. The MC said he needed to meet with each of us alone. He met with me once, and said he didn't really need to see me again. He met with my X twice before my X just quit going, and then things blew up and I decided on D. It was pretty clear to me where the MC thought the problems were....

I have a feeling the therapist won't see much need to see you...


Posts: 2410 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Maryland
Topic Posts: 9

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