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Therapy request part II

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MelisssaZZZ posted 9/6/2013 07:54 AM

i wrote few weeks earlier about it. xwh requested to see child therapist as he had concerns about dd behaviour.

therapist sussed him out in first meeting and said that issues are with him not DD. and asked to come back in few weeks time when she will assess if she needs to see DD.

so we go back. the assesment is that she does not to see DD, as all described sounds perfectly normal.

but she says the issues is the level of anxiety and lack of trust between us. if we would like to better parents she could see us every few weeks so 'help' with that. that would mean going through all divorce, affair etc etc issues.

personally i have no interest in discussing this again and again. no amount of talking is not going to talk me into trusting him..

xwh would like to go (me thinks lack for triange is killing the passion with ow)

what would you do?

SBB posted 9/6/2013 08:20 AM

Fuck.No. I will never attend IC with the sad clown. I would rather set my hair alight.

At a pinch I MAY consider seeing the same IC in 1:1 sessions.

Don't concern yourself about his intentions or reasons around this. Decide what it is you need. Is what is going on between you/X causing issues for your DD? Will they in the future? What can you do to potentially impact that?

For me - no way in hell. I don't plan on having any sort of relationship with that guy other than the arms-length parallel parenting I do now.

In all honesty all I see is a train wreck just even considering this. I can't see how that would be of benefit to my girls in any way, shape or form.

Dreamboat posted 9/6/2013 08:29 AM

No way. I don't trust X and nothing anyone can say or do will ever make me trust him. And I don't give a shit what he thinks about me. In addition, I have no desire to ever rehash the A or D. That lies in the past and I am looking at my future.

Tell your X that if he would like to go then you will support that decision, but you will decline to participate.

Nature_Girl posted 9/6/2013 10:08 AM

I think you should do this, but only if the divorce & affairs are off the table. Your C should focus only on your DD and how to be the best possible divorced parents for her.

neverbeokay posted 9/6/2013 10:21 AM

I would not want to go. If he thinks he could benefit, why can't he go himself? It sounds like he is the one who has trouble with your daughter's "normal" toddler behavior.

Nature_Girl posted 9/6/2013 10:29 AM

Here's why you need to go: If you don't go, then at some point in the future when your X takes his ridiculous claims (about your daughter's behavior) further up the food chain, he can point to you & your uncooperative nature as the cause. Furthermore, the counselor will back him up. YOU will be the bad guy and you will lose custody.

You need to go in order to cover your ass and protect your rights as a mother. Just make sure that discussing your divorce is off the table. You're there for your daughter, not for reconciliation.

SBB posted 9/6/2013 10:57 AM

The way I've understood it is that there are no issues with your DD. Your therapist believes Xs made-up concerns about your DD is due to 'the level of anxiety and lack of trust' between the two of you.

There ain't no IC that will ever help me NOT be anxious whenever my girls are with him nor make me trust him even a teeny, tiny bit.

If I am mistaken this lack of trust is impacting your DD then I would consider it. I'd be very cautious for signs that he was using it as a manipulation tactic.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 6:49 PM, September 7th (Saturday)]

jjct posted 9/6/2013 11:06 AM

See the therapist alone for the *cough* first *cough* meeting.
Lay it all out then.

I doubt you'll have to put up with him after she sees he's the problem...

You'll have 'done your duty', and gain immunity from idiot future false charges.

osxgirl posted 9/6/2013 15:33 PM

I agree with jjct about seeing the therapist alone for the "1st" meeting.

I'm guessing from what you've said that it will be very similar to what happened with the marriage counselor my X and I went to. We met with him once together. The MC said he needed to meet with each of us alone. He met with me once, and said he didn't really need to see me again. He met with my X twice before my X just quit going, and then things blew up and I decided on D. It was pretty clear to me where the MC thought the problems were....

I have a feeling the therapist won't see much need to see you...

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