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hurtmotherof2 posted 9/6/2013 08:50 AM

Been separated for 3 months now... today is our 10 year anniversary and i'm feeling very sad because I never expected to be in this situation after 10 years. I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with him.. Is is normal to feel this sad on the first anniversary after separation?

sparkysable posted 9/6/2013 09:16 AM

Yes for sure. I was a mess. Meanwhile, he was moving in with the OW on that very same day.

hurtmotherof2 posted 9/6/2013 09:21 AM

Oh Spark.. so sorry to hear that.. :-(( I'm at work trying to stay busy but it's not working.

sunsetslost posted 9/6/2013 12:45 PM

I'm so sorry. My 8th anniversary is Monday. I dreaded it for a while. I will go stay the night with my parents and then have a therapy appointment. I took the day off work because I knew that wasn't going to help anybody. I don't know how I'll be. I'll probably leave my phone off so the WW can't contact me. Doubt she would but still.

Love and strength. They say it gets better with time. Take care of YOU!

Phoenix1 posted 9/6/2013 13:05 PM

My 22nd anniversary was in August, and I found out about his newest OC the next day. Yes gut wrenching, but then I started to think (and laugh) that this was turning into a really bad Maury show! That just solidified (not that there was really any doubt prior to that) that D was the right thing to do, and even though I never wanted to lose my marriage, I mentally decided the personal price to keep it was simply too high.

You are fairly new into your separation. Try to find things to take your mind off of it. After work go do something for you to create a new memory for the day.

dmari posted 9/6/2013 13:58 PM

Absolutely normal!! I hope you are able to do something special or relaxing. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Hugs!

pregnantandsad posted 9/6/2013 15:28 PM

I'm sorry you are having a hard time today. My anniversary is coming up next month and I am already dreading it. I think it's totally normal to be sad, I know I will probably be a mess.

hurtmotherof2 posted 9/6/2013 16:28 PM

Thank you everyone for your support and kind words.. it's been a very rough day.. The only thing getting me through this day is I have our boys this weekend and I plan to put all my energy and focus on them...

click4it posted 9/6/2013 16:37 PM

so VERY normal. Here's a bunch of hugs for you (((((((((((hurtmother)))))))))))))

Its the roughest day ever and its ok to feel the way you do. The good thing is that you are planning to do things with your kids this weekend. That's the best thing you can do. If you can't do much, don't worry about it. You need time to grieve too.

sleepless34 posted 9/6/2013 19:31 PM

I am sad all the time. Thinking about what we had. Who I thought he was.

My birthday is coming up, and my daughters birthday and then the holidays....and it all seems utterly dreadful....

so sorry!

click4it posted 9/6/2013 19:45 PM

(((((sleepless)))) so sorry will get through it.

Housefulloflove posted 9/6/2013 21:35 PM

Is is normal to feel this sad on the first anniversary after separation?

I would say yes. Our 10th anniversary was a couple of months after I kicked my ex out.

I spent almost 2 days straight in bed only getting up to use the bathroom and get an occasional drink of water (the kids weren't with me those 2 days). I didn't want to spend those days in bed but I had no willpower to do anything else.

My POS ex sent me an email the morning of our 10th anniversary apologizing for "not being a perfect husband" and said he was sorry *I* thought of him as a disappointment. Not an apology for cheating, no remorse for what he did, just more a SI member put it "the most unapologetic apology".

The first anniversary post Dday is HARD, no doubt about it. To have that first also be a milestone type anniversary is awful. 10 years is a big anniversary and should be full of happiness, love, a sense of accomplishment and optimism for the future, not the exact opposite.

What helped me was thinking about how much worse it would have been if it were my 25th anniversary or 50the anniversary! So many years spent with that loser. I then began happy that it wasn't my 11th anniversary as it would mean an extra wasted year on that loser.

(((hurthmotherof2))) I'm sorry that you have to go through this horrible mess.

still2suspicious posted 9/6/2013 21:57 PM


I am sorry you are hurting. But you are doing amazing!!!

Just feel the feelings sweetie. They will pass.

As always sending hugs.

blindsided03 posted 9/7/2013 00:25 AM

Hugs, Hurt. I feel your pain. I'm really lonely and sad tonight, too. It's not my anniversary, but I work with STBXH and it's hard to deal with that everyday. It's hard to still want to know what he's doing and how he's feeling, if he's okay. But, i didn't stop loving him just because he isn't capable of loving me. I just wish I'd had the guy I thought I was with. I wish he could have told me before we got married that he wasn't the marrying "type." I wish none of us had to go through this and we could all have been with someone else who could handle the responsibilities of marriage as well as the good parts. I'm lonely, too. I think a lot of us are. Divorce sucks, but I don't want to work it out. It was the only option in my case. I don't know about yours, but I assume the same. It's not because anyone thinks this is fun, lol. I guess, tonight, we'll just go ahead and pretend that things are different. That it isn't Friday night and we aren't at home alone. That the world didn't stop spinning when it all fell apart. I guess we just have to move forward, be strong, and know that tomorrow is going to hurt less than today did.

fallingquickly posted 9/7/2013 00:47 AM

Yes. The anniversaries are tough. That's completely normal. I was back with my WH after DD#1 for our 25th anniversary. It was very tough but ok. The 26th was just after DD#2 that was terrible. This year for our 27th anniversary we had been S for over a year. I spent part of it with my son and the other part alone. It was sad but better than the other two. I had filed a month before.

As was said before, feel the feelings. Cry if you need to. Just get through the day. Tomorrow will be better.

I have thought this many times:

Yes gut wrenching, but then I started to think (and laugh) that this was turning into a really bad Maury show!

I can't believe I could be on Maury.

hurtmotherof2 posted 9/9/2013 14:06 PM

Thank you again everyone... i spent our anniversary alone with our boys and even though it was tough I still made it through the day.

I'm SO SO not looking forward to the holidays... sharing the boys with him but i guess it's another milestone I will have to overcome... :-(

Thank god for SI!!

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