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I can't believe this, but D-Day #2 - 9.6.13

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OldCow18 posted 9/6/2013 08:58 AM

I'm shaking like a leaf. After 3 months of lies and vowing to want to save this marriage, yet doing NOTHING to make that happen, I was finally able to get him to tell some of the truth last night. He told me he loves me but is not 100% committedd to this marriage. He is not ready to work on it because he needs to work through his own shit. He said that maybe he wasn't a relationship person (15 years later). So, while that killed me, at least it was the truth. I told him we should separate so he can clear his head and figure what to do.

Then this morning I checked his texts, and despite promising abosolutely no unbusinesslike contact with AP since 6.8.13, there it was. A text, not to her work phone, not that that would be better, but to her personal phone. All is said was, "Ok buzz kill" which could mean 1000 things, but it doesn't matter.

I called him and told him we are NC and he is to move out by Sunday. I'm spending the night at a friend's tomorrow night. Just have to get through tonight and just have to stop shaking.

StepAside posted 9/6/2013 08:59 AM


take care, do what YOU need to do for YOU.

strength and peace to you

catlover50 posted 9/6/2013 09:02 AM

I'm so sorry honey.

Yet it is better to know the truth. You probably feel some relief somewhere inside.

Good luck; you are being strong.

sinsof thefather posted 9/6/2013 09:03 AM

I'm so sorry to see this - You are in my thoughts and prayers. Many (((Hugs))) to you.

noprincess posted 9/6/2013 09:06 AM

I'm sorry ((OldCow18)) very, very sorry, hon. DDay #2 elevates the pain to a whole new level and who ever believed that was possible?! So many of us here understand.

You will get to the other side. Sending strength and (((hugs))).

Ellephantastic posted 9/6/2013 09:07 AM

You can get through it!


Rebreather posted 9/6/2013 11:38 AM

I'm so sorry.

If there ever is a sign for a false R, it's the wayward saying they want to save it, and doing nothing in order to do so. BTDT, got the bloodstained tshirt.

Hang in there. You are doing the right thing now. Stand your ground.

Maxiom posted 9/6/2013 12:19 PM

He hasn't told you the truth.

"He is not ready to work on it because he needs to work through his own shit"

Such bull shit. This is cake eating. Hes actually quite familiar with what he wants. Basically hes saying he likes the status quo and doesn't want you to disrupt that.

He is a relationship person. He's all for relationships. Hes just not a monogamous relationship person, that is what he is saying.

Phoenix9572 posted 9/6/2013 12:28 PM

I am so sorry to hear this. I understand the devastation of having more that one dday. Like I said before, I prayed that I would see my WH for who he really is (not just trying to rugsweep or focus on the infidelity). Well I got my answer even if it wasn't what I wanted.
It is painful but it is better knowing the truth. Stay strong and take care of yourself. NC definitely helps you see things better even if it's hard at first.

meplusfour posted 9/6/2013 14:26 PM

Sending you strength, dignity and grace.

Blameitontherain posted 9/6/2013 14:33 PM

((OC)). I saw the title to the thread and who started it and my heart literally hurt for you before reading anything.


He is rewriting your marriage to justify his unwillingness to work on it. Give him all the space he needs to hang himself. He already has hung himself with contacting ow that quickly. Hard 180 for YOU so that you can make decisions that are good for YOU!

sad34 posted 9/6/2013 14:42 PM

He's still in that stupid fog he will regret this. U r doing the right thing

cliffside posted 9/6/2013 14:54 PM

I too saw your name and the title and my heart sank. Good for you for kicking him to the curb. I wouldn't be that nice, I'd hefty bag his shit and change the locks.

But if you must, spend the night with a GF and have a glass of wine and try to relax, if at all possible. Then, come back here and can we please please please get a Mod to change your username? It breaks my heart every time I see it.

Hugs to you and know that you WILL be ok and we'll be here for you.

happierdays posted 9/6/2013 14:58 PM

Sending you hugs and strength OldCow.

myperfectlife posted 9/6/2013 15:05 PM

OC I know you've responded to some of my posts.
I am so sorry to hear this...but at least now you have enough truth to set your mind on a path.
This whole thing sucks so bad.
I just don't understand people at all...

cancuncrushed posted 9/6/2013 15:06 PM

Im so sorry. You are in the middle of my worst fear. I wish you all the strength, and some unexpected happiness. ((())))))

Skan posted 9/6/2013 15:10 PM

OC18, I am so very sorry. (((hugs)))

OldCow18 posted 9/6/2013 16:06 PM

I don't know what I'd do without all of you, thank you so much. Having cyber friends who COMPLETELY understand and can empathize is such a gift. I'm just so sorry that so many good people have such a horrendous thing in common.

I am actually feeling some peace. I mean, total devastation yet again, but to have the truth FINALLY has been calming. I can work with the truth, I can't work with lies and gaslighting. I was literally going crazy.

[This message edited by OldCow18 at 4:07 PM, September 6th (Friday)]

StillLivin posted 9/6/2013 16:33 PM

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sooooo sorry!
Nothing helps right now! But you are NOT alone. Lots and lots of shoulder to cry on here.

LiedtoLucy posted 9/6/2013 16:44 PM


I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this!,

It is also my worst nightmare and I actually have had nightmares about it happening to me. It is not a good feeling at all, even for the just the minute that it takes for me to realize it isn't real.

...I am terrified that this nightmare could very easily become reality some day.

Take care of yourself and know that you ARE going to be ok!

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