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My husband of 20 plus years has served me with divorce papers. All of a sudden he says he feels bad for all that he has done to me and does not wish to continue to hurt me. Really, why didn't he feel sorry ME years ago. Until a year ago I thought we were happy. Wow!! I knew of all of his infedelities, but I hung on because I truly love this man. This last infedility was different, this little girl is 23 years younger then him. I don't understand anything that is going on right now and I feel very sad. Now I have to worry about my financial situation and how I'm suppose to go on. How does one do this. My days are bareble but I can't handle the nights. I need to figure out how to get him out of my head and heart and right now I can't do either. How could I have been so STUPID!!!!

I'm really sorry, August, what a difficult thing to go through.

My ex said the same things to me whenever the going got difficult and I tried to speak of the A or problems made by him. It began, over time, to come across for me as a cop out by him and he said it very recently again, to boot. Whenever I had something difficult to bring up, that's what he would say.

I think it's also a way to keep running on his part.

Nights are hard here, too...the stillness and dark make everything seem larger somehow or more important, but I don't know why that is.

One lesson that's helped me and I hope will help you is, "one thing at a time". Not even a whole day at a time, for that's a lot, but one issue at a time and the allowance of different thoughts for yourself -a new box, so to speak-about your new life...this continues to help.

And one positive thing that was told to me is that this can be the end of the hurt caused you by his hand and you can take control of what -and who-you want in your life now. No more disrespect.

Thank you Ashland13 for your comment. You are right NO MORE DISRESPECT!!

I’m in the same boat as you are, my husband of 32 years have been saying a lot these last few months that he’s thinks he’s done too much damage to me for us to make our marriage work and me to forgive him. I have stayed with him for numerous affairs over the years because I thought we really loved each other, were best friends and soul mates.

Well now it turns out he’s having another affair with our son’s 21 yr. old ex-girlfriend. She has been like a daughter to me over the last few years and I even moved her into our house when she had no place to go when her baby was 6 months old, he’s now 2 years old and calls me Mimi and my WH Grampy. I feel so stupid for inviting her into my home and our lives.

When I found out about this affair I asked him to leave and he did but the next day he asked me if he could move back in as a roommate only and possibly work on the marriage in a year or two, I like a dimwit said yes. Big freaking mistake last night I found a letter he had written to her confusing the night before on his phone of his love for her and how last weekend while he was with me he couldn’t help but wish he was with her. Talk about a knife to the gut. So to say my world has been turned upside down is an understatement.

The only way I know to do this like you is to put one foot in front of the other and just take it one step at a time. Breath and don’t make rash decisions. I too have to worry about my financial situation and how to make it on my own. My days will be good because of work and my nights won’t be too bad because he worked nights anyway…..My problem is going to be on the weekends. We used to do everything together heck we grew up together and now I don’t have that either. I don’t have a lot of friends because one of the people he cheated on me with was my best friend so I don’t trust and let too many people in. So how do you go on????? That’s my big question too.

[This message edited by Lost n Confused at 3:01 PM, September 6th (Friday)]

Breath, be easy on yourself, August and Lost, and take it minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day.

Believe me, we all feel like we are stupid and duped at some point. Many of us "turned a blind eye" because of our love and commitment to our WHs. It is heartbreaking to find out it has been misplaced all these years, and these dickheads can run away with their cop out excuses (which is all it is). Let them go, and start doing your homework regarding your legal rights. Take a look at your courts websites as many have a lot of self-help info. Knowledge is power in this arena. Then set up appointments for consultations with attorneys to discuss your legal options (the more consultations you have with high power attorneys in your area the more attorneys you lock your WHs out of).

Don't come down on yourselves. It is NOT your fault and you deserve better!

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 3:35 PM, September 6th (Friday)]