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I've been thinking a lot about hate. Do I hate those OW my H screwed around with? If I hate them, then how do I feel about H?

Here's what I came up with:

I hate every single thing I know about them. Every single thing. But every thing I know about them has to do with them having an affair with my H. I don't hate "them" per se. There is much more to them than I know. And I don't care. I have zero feelings for the parts I don't know and 100% negative feelings for the parts I do know.

This allows me to hate the parts of my husband that had to do with the affair. And I do. I hate what he did. What he put me through. How I feel now and how I felt then. But luckily I know the other parts of him too. And those parts, I love those parts. A lot.

You are a stronger person than I.

Morhurt,

I think along your terms. My hate is directed at my WW's actions as well. I'm not nearly as mad at OM. He was getting a free fuck. My WW was the one with the responsibility to keep her legs closed and act as a wife.

That's a good way to look at it..you hate the behavior but not the man.

I don't hate the OW. I work with her now. We also went to high school together but I don't remember her, just her name. We get along and would probably be friends if the situation was different. I don't have much respect for her because of her actions though. I think my husband's EA was more one sided. I believe she enjoyed the attention from her boss and owner of the company but the main reason she was hanging out with him was for the money he was giving her.
I am jealous of her though and I hate that. And it's nothing to do with her looks because I'm way hotter than her. I'm jealous because she's smarter than me, knows more about my business than I do and for the simple fact that she was the first woman in 17 years that he chose to betray me with.

Hah, you are a better woman than me. Most times I no longer hate him, but his actions are HIS actions. He had a choice. He made his choice...so yeah sometimes I want to punch him in the throat, then kick him in the face til he bleeds.
Then I have those days where I just don't care anymore.
I think the disrespect he showed me is what is still able to anger me the most.
Good for you, though.

I hate her... but to be honest I hated her before the A. I knew the first time I met her what she wanted, my husband... my life. I also hate the smug look she has on her ugly face every time we run into her. I hate that she knows what it feels like to "be" with him intimately.

I hate his actions. I hate what he did. I hate the way he made me feel for the 2+ yrs of his A. I hate the man he was then. I hate that he didn't have more faith in us, ME. I hate the thoughts and mental images I have running through my head on a daily basis. I hate the hate and pain I carry with me every day.

BUT, I love him. I love the man he was before his A. I love the man he is now, which is an even better man than he was before the A.

But I will always hate the skanky whore. I am thinking I need to print out another pic of her and go to the woods for another shooting spree...

[This message edited by shatteredheart7 at 12:12 PM, September 7th (Saturday)]

I think it's easier for me not to hate because I have never met, or even seen, and of my H's APs. And they were pretty much just physical.

There was one that he slept with twice who lives across the country, between their two physical encounters they texted a lot. Mostly she complained about her work and boyfriend and he gave "support". Honestly she's the one I have the most animosity for because he gave her mental energy that belonged to ME! She actually asked if she could move to our city, work for him and be his mistress!!

I hate her.

But then again, tonight is a bad night.

I hate her because I'm jealous as hell! I mean, of course the Obitch is going to be confident and arrogant that she managed to snag him! Of course, she's going to be happy and giddy as hell about who she is and feel pretty and gorgeous when he's paying her all this attention. For two friggin' years he kept up a fake charade acting like a family man and "loving" husband, and with her he felt like he was "helping", that he was "wanted" and that she "understood" him and he was "comfortable". How do you attempt to make a life with someone who feels the exact opposite of all that crap with you and not feel jealous or hate the OW who DID make WH feel that way?!?!!

He spent "good" energy on her and sent crappy energy my way like "I" was the worse thing that ever happened to him! So I hate her, but sometimes, I hate him to because this crap was just so unnecessary to do!

I agree with the original poster. My husband and I have always told our kids -
"You are not a bad boy...you did a bad thing."

I personally believe there is a HUGE difference.