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kroma posted 9/6/2013 14:13 PM

I'm at the end of my 1st week being separarted from my wife. Compared to where I was a year ago after D-day I'm doing a hellava lot better. No panic attacks. No crying. No freaking out. I haven't even had to take my Adivan. That being said I'm still having a hard time with my emotions.
Before D-day I don't think we went 1 day in 16 years without texting or talking. After D-day it was 2 weeks no contact. After that and until last Sunday we always communicated all day every day. Sunday morning came and I had the car packed with stuff. She was going to visit her mom. She walked over, gave me a kiss and a hug, and said I'll see you later. That was the last time I saw her per her request. We've had 1 conversation on the phone about the kids and all texts have been short and sweet and all pertained to the children.
I am adjusting to my new apt and my new routine. My kids are keeping me busy for now with driving them back n forth to all the sports stuff. She's not nor will she ever keep me from the kids. It's not like that. She grew up in a bad divorce and no matter what happens between us we'll never put them through what she went through.
The 2 hardest parts so far for me is the non communication part which I mentioned. The 2nd is not knowing how she feels. Is she sad? Angry? Happy? I have no clue and that kills me. I don't know if she misses me or is finally happy that I'm gone. Before the A she would've done anything for me and she would've never divorced me. Her words and I know her and that is true. After 10 months of trying and realizing that she just kept pushing back the pain in order to try and make it work, she finally couldn't take it anymore. She says she's unhappy and miserable. Hard words to hear. Especially after I've committed myself to R and also fix myself, which I have and will continue to do.
Bottom line is 1 week down and who knows how many more to go until I can hopefully get my marriage back in order. Hopefully.

IAteTheApple posted 9/6/2013 16:03 PM

My BH took some time and it helped him. I hope it helps your BW as well.

kroma posted 9/6/2013 16:18 PM

How long were you separated?

IAteTheApple posted 9/6/2013 16:25 PM

A little over a month. Have you been to MC at all?

kroma posted 9/6/2013 16:29 PM

Yes. A few times. We're supposed to go again next week. Hoping she doesn't cancel. Are you still separated? If not how is it going?

TxsT posted 9/6/2013 16:59 PM

kroma....I would send her other texts in the day to see how she is feeling...let her know you want to know.


kroma posted 9/6/2013 17:28 PM

I'd love to. But I'm afraid of pushing her. Especially in the 1st few weeks. She wanted her space and I feel like I should respect that. I'm also afraid of what the answer might be. I don't know......

IAteTheApple posted 9/7/2013 16:18 PM

MC is what brought my BH home. I hope your wife makes it next week. We are not still separated, and things are getting better. Most of the break downs are on my end of things and not being removed from my OM.

1DumbHusband posted 9/8/2013 09:04 AM

Sending well wishes your way Kroma! My poor BS and I are trying to find the path to R but are encountering some of your same difficulties, I know that I would feel the same in your place. I miss when my poor BS was a happier person and not on the rollercoaster. Even on her good days, she's a shadow of the person she once was and I want so badly for her to find that again!

tired girl posted 9/8/2013 09:48 AM


Hlessons and I were S when I slept with someone else. We remained S per his wishes while he decided if he could R. We remained S for 5 months. It was hard, so I understand what you are going through, at the same time, as waywards I feel that we have to understand the depth of what we have done to our spouses and respect the space they ask for.

We did MC while we were S, and it did help to keep communication going. Work on you during this time and figure out why you allowed yourself to get to this place that you made these decisions. Learn how to be ok by yourself. If feel that learning how to be completely comfortable with being alone is an important lesson.

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