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Has Thoughts of your WP and AP Ever Turned You On?

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MsRukia posted 9/6/2013 15:27 PM

So currently, we are still working through the initial aftermath of the affair. I am still very much in a HB faze. It is still odd for me indeed as to me it defies my logic.
Anyways, I have a bit of a freaky side and have a fetish side as well. Prior to finding out about the affair, WH and I had discussed maybe seining or a threesome (which I decided I wasn't comfortable with.) oddly enough, OW and I were friends and discussed things of a sexual nature often. Such as fun outfits to wear, her sleeping around before settling down, fetishes etc. I ended up having a bit of a girl crush on her.
This of course was long before DDay and before I began to have suspicions about her conduct with my WH.
Anyways, I have moments where picturing them together turns me on I can't explain it, don't understand it, and I know it's not healthy. I know just about all there is to know about what they did together. The only way I can make heads or tails of it is that somehow in my mind, it's my way of being a part of their experimenting. We were vigins when we got married and so he is my only one. Part of me is sooooo pissed he experienced something sexually without me.
Anyone dealt with this before? How have you handled it? I feel too freaky because I am actually struggling a bit with this.

bionicgal posted 9/6/2013 16:24 PM

I don't think it is at all weird. I mean, we are talking about sex, and all the talk of sex is likely to stir some kind of involuntary reaction. I have found that a little bit in myself, as well.

But, I don't think you need to feel guilty about it, or like you condoned it in any way. She may be one of those people who just sends of major sexual vibes and you picked up on it. I meet women like that all the time, and it can be a little confusing b/c I am not gay, but I get a little jangled, and wonder what it is that is going on.

I think women are so conditioned to see each other as sexual objects anyway -- more so than men -- so the whole thing gets confusing.

MsRukia posted 9/6/2013 16:27 PM

That makes a lot of sense bionic. She does give huge sexual vibes off. In fact WH commented that in all reality sex seems to be all she has. She has slept with so many hubby's in the neighborhood, that being friends with their wives is hard. She met her current man on So you do make sense. In the wake if everything it can all be so confusing.

womaninflux posted 9/6/2013 16:36 PM

Luckily, I do not have any images of them in my head. I know who the AP is but I have never personally met her.

I am trying NOT to go there. But I could see how this might happen.

2married2quit posted 9/6/2013 17:07 PM

MsRukia - as freaky as it may seem, I for a moment had turn on feelings thinking of them together. I was confused. I hate the thought now.

Girlietoo posted 9/6/2013 17:27 PM

This has happened to me. Afterwards I felt dirty and wanted to throw up.

SuperDuperWonderboy posted 9/6/2013 17:32 PM

Shoot, not for me. I guess it would be better, I still have images in my head and can't bring myself to do or receive certain acts that I used to enjoy. Plus no shower sex. Sigh.
Someday I guess.

rachelc posted 9/6/2013 17:33 PM

I haven't had an orgasm,in 1.5 years without picturing my husband with another woman, but never the APs.
My therapist said it's normal. but that was a year ago.
all kinds of fun!

MsRukia posted 9/6/2013 18:25 PM

Oh my goodness that is a wide variety of different responses. Glad to know that I am within the range of normal. When I have had it happen, I do feel funky afterword. She was very entangled in our lives since she was a friend and our kids played together. I think it's going to take time for all of it to sort out and fade, thoughts as well.

mysticpenguin posted 9/6/2013 19:36 PM

Honestly? I've only orgasmed while thinking of my WH with another woman for a while. It's hot, he's hot, I can appreciate another woman's sexuality. Sometimes the image I have created of him and the stripper (OW2) turns me on. I am not gay but can definitely appreciate female sexuality and beauty so I think that's part of it.

MsRukia posted 9/6/2013 20:28 PM

Mystic..I can totally see that. In a way it's like taking the sex with someone else and finding a way to benefit from it or somehow participate in it. It is hot thinking about him with someone in a strange way.

misskirby posted 9/6/2013 20:36 PM

Prior to DDay, one of the sure fire ways for me to get there was to imagine WH with another woman. If I was alone, that was my go-to to get me to orgasm. We also enjoyed frequent fantasy sharing and dirty talk during sex, often including another woman. Talking about a threesome or whatever. So yeah, after dday, the thought made me sick, but it was what I was used to.

Even now, if I'm alone I sometimes still think of it. I try desperately not to let the image of them come into my mind, but sometimes they pop in and I just keep going. It's already ruined a lot, I don't want to lose my orgasms too! But the dirty talk, etc, during sex has stopped. It makes me sick to think of all the times we were talking about it that he might have been imagining them there, you know? And to be fair, I think that doing that dirty talk would also make him uncomfortable now.

But no, there have been threads like this in the past, and it's completely normal. Uncomfortable, heart breaking, but normal.

sri624 posted 9/7/2013 02:17 AM

you are not alone. i have had this happen to me as well. not often, but it has. i am glad that i am not the only one.

Lonelygirl10 posted 9/7/2013 09:10 AM

Oh wow, I thought I was alone in this. The only way I've been able to orgasm is to think of how excited he probably was with her and how much she turned him on. It's something about the thought of him being turned on that turns me on. Afterward, I feel sick and humiliated, and I often cry afterward. I thought I was abnormal, and I was embarrassed.

MsRukia posted 9/7/2013 10:15 AM

Awww my friends who are in the same boat, isn't it crazy confusing?! I will be glad for the day when it is not so.

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