Exactly- all of these things. I absolutely expected him to read my mind which is why I am working hard at telling him what I need, but it almost feels like I'm begging him to love me, or show his love for me, more specifically. I want him to do these things because he wants to, not because I nag him until he does :(
I absolutely want him to woo me again. I want him to show me that he realizes that I have given him a gift of reconciliation. I am taking a huge risk by staying with him and I want him to show me that my trust has not been misplaced.
When I do try to tell me specifically what I need- like when I'm triggering about kissing and he says "I'm kissing you" and I want him to stay "kissing her was awkward and uncomfortable and nothing at all like the way I kiss you, the woman I love" he gets upset and says "nothing I do is right, I always miss the mark". Then I start to think that I'm asking too much and I will never get what I need out of this relationship.
I was in IC and stopped going, mostly because it is very difficult for me to express my deep feelings. I've spent my life relying on no one because no one is reliable (FOO issues) and with my WH I thought I found the one person in the world who would never hurt me.
Tell me truthfully, am I asking too much? Should I be happy with the knowledge that he loves me, wants to be with me and is remorseful and ashamed of his behaviour? I hate feeling so damn needy.
After I found out and had a near total mental collapse, he told me that he is shocked at how "fragile" aka weak that I actually am. He expected me to be angry and kick him out and instead I was devastated and needed him to be with me in order to breathe. I fear him continuing to see me as a fragile, needy person. But truth- I am.
[This message edited by Girlietoo at 8:34 AM, September 7th (Saturday)]