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whats going on in his head..started doing drugs

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nestlee posted 9/6/2013 20:55 PM

I'm really dumfounded with my H. The last past year, all of a sudden my H started smoking weed. I was a little surprised. Because he always was such a fitness nut. And wouldn't even take Tylenol because he said it was unhealthy. Today our mutual friend told me that My H has been bothering her H to hook him up with some shrooms, LSD, E.

I am shocked because my H has always been against Drugs. What is going on in his head.

He phoned me a hour ago and I didn't mention To him about what I heard. Then he said to me. I can't believe I only have one son to carry my blood line. I got angry and told him if he wants to go flip around and have more boys go...Cause I'm never coming home. Then he got upset that I got mad and said he was only making conversation. All of a sudden he always wants to have a conversation with me. I'm usually quiet..because the last three years when I tried to talk to him he would shhh me. He's really acting like another person. I don't know wtf is going on in his head. Opinions please.

Sorry for typos and shitty grammar. My brain is on E.

Williesmom posted 9/7/2013 08:17 AM

How old is he? Is this a mid life crisis?

My wxh started some strange activities when he hit 40. He also started hating me because I didn't want to have children at that time.

I think I can posted 9/7/2013 08:45 AM

He still has a hole in his soul. Now he is trying to fill it with more sons or drugs or anything anything but doing the work to fill it himself.

sad12008 posted 9/7/2013 08:56 AM


I don't have any particular insight to impart but want you to both know you are heard and that you are not alone.

Of course, there's so much of WS behavior that is aberrant, this is perhaps just another manifestation of the craziness.

I can relate to the WTF feeling of suddenly finding yourself with someone seeking out weed or worse. I'm actually pro-legalizing pot (I want it taxed royally, then like lottery tickets it can help pay to educate people). However, right NOW it is illegal and that's a problem.

My fwH has bipolar II, so that steers some of his decision-making at times...but after marrying a military officer who'd mentioned his past badness in adolescence in the context of "man, how far I've come", I never expected he'd be smoking a little weed, if it was available, about every day. It's like, "who TF are you, and where were you hiding for the 20 years prior?"

AFrayedKnot posted 9/7/2013 10:00 AM

He still has a hole in his soul. Now he is trying to fill it with more sons or drugs or anything anything but doing the work to fill it himself.


My fWS was the reverse. All of her A's happened a couple months after a drug relapse. She used and felt guilty. Then needed to get a "fix" in a different way. She has found many ways over the years, excessive shopping and/or stealing as well. All of those self destructive behaviors all come from that same hole in her soul.

Mousse242 posted 9/7/2013 10:30 AM

You cannot save him. I think you really need to take a hard look at the person he is now, ignore who he was, and go forward with that assessment.

Fact, he is now doing drugs and actively looking for more potent drugs.

Fact, he's cheated on you.

Fact, he - at the very least - has impaired judgement, at the very worst he is going to end up OD-ing or involved in a drug bust.

Fact - you need to protect your kid and your finances.

You need to file for at least a legal separation. If he is doing drugs in your home or in his car, he can risk losing them should he get caught. They can likely impound and confiscate either or both. Then there are fines, court costs, etc. that you may also be held liable for without a legal separation.

You need to require a drug test for unsupervised visitation or talk to an attorney about this. You have to protect your son and your finances.

[This message edited by Mousse242 at 11:19 AM, September 7th (Saturday)]

nomistakeaboutit posted 9/7/2013 11:09 AM

^^^Mouse just put a few things in perspective quite nicely.

I have one thought as to his "why" he is doing drugs. Could he have a current friend who has influenced him?

nestlee posted 9/7/2013 13:28 PM

Ty, for all your responses. I'm 3 hours away from him. The past month he was only here once for my dd,s birthday. We are only common need for a legal separation. I don't think I'm ever going back.

He's called me 3 times this morning but I never picked up. He then sent me a Email..saying how much he loves me and knows all the time we,ve been together he took me for granted. He then apolized for the 50th time.. Them told me to forget the past let's work on the future.

The whole 12 years we've been together..I have only met 2 of his friends..that now moved away. My H said he doesn't need friends. But I think someone he knows at work or one of his ex boom booms have influenced Him. He has changed dramatically.. He no longer works out. Never use to want to never wants to shut up. Constantly calls..cause he wants to have a convo. But yet never wants to fess up about his cheating ways. All of a sudden wants to be a super family man..and constantly asks if we can do family things together. 12 years we've been together and all of a sudden he's planning Halloween together. I don't know what's going through his head.

kansas1968 posted 9/7/2013 14:23 PM

Hard to tell what is going through his head. Could be a lot of things. Remorse, sympathy play, realized that he loves you, on and on.

If you are thinking about going back, you might want to make counselling a manditory condition.

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