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Not much talk about R or the A

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heathenchristian posted 9/6/2013 21:39 PM

there has been almost no talk of the A or an R since our 1st and last MC session.

he is scheduled for IC next wk.. I haven't made my appt yet.

AFrayedKnot posted 9/7/2013 06:20 AM

Why?

heathenchristian posted 9/8/2013 21:19 PM

Don't really know.

I know he doesn't like when I bring it up.

I just have really been focusing on me.

authenticnow posted 9/8/2013 21:21 PM

Rugsweeping is not healthy.

I know he doesn't like when I bring it up.
Tough.

I just have really been focusing on me.
Good! But please don't ignore your needs in order to avoid a confrontation with him. That won't work in the long run.


heathenchristian posted 9/9/2013 20:14 PM

I know, somehow the A has been replaced by his issues with my weight.

I just don't know how to bring it back to the front lines.

I did tell him last night that he needs to get a handle on his issue with my weight. I also told him it makes him ugly and I don't want to spend time with him.

He starts his IC Wednesday.

RidingHealingRd posted 9/9/2013 20:31 PM

I know he doesn't like when I bring it up.

They never do but do not let this stop you. Talk, talk, talk....

Could it be possible that his talk about your weight is a way to try to deflect the attention away from the A?

Just bring the conversation back to his A where it belongs.

You need to address the A if you are ever going to process it. Let him know that you can't move on from it if you never process what happened.


blakesteele posted 9/9/2013 20:43 PM

You are still early on...DD just this past July, right?

3 months past my DD my wife was still finding faults with me, still mourning the loss of her relationship with the AP, lots of trickle truths. She certainly did not spearhead R or discussions about her A.

I think that is normal.....painful for BS for sure...but normal.

I would suggest MC be entered into with low expectations at first. I jumped in with both feet, falsely thinking my wife and I were still somehow in this together....only later to find out I was a solo rider. I wasted time, energy and money on us....should have worked IC for a few months before intensive MC.


TIME is a big factor here.

I have followed your posts...but have not really seen you post much about anger and rage....have you experienced that yet?

His comments revolving around your weight are similar to my wifes listing of what is not PERFECT about me. It is a cop out and is a vain attempt at WS trying to grasp a quick, easy answer as to why they committed the heinous act of adultery.

If your husband is NOT a psychopath or a narcissist, this phase will pass.

It is hard, though, to keep those comments in the context of their fog and the intoxication that is their affair....believe me, I have read things that were really not nice about me...but I was not surprised by any of them, and most of them are things I am interested in changing for ME anyway...and CAN be changed.

Peace be with you.

heathenchristian posted 9/9/2013 21:05 PM

I would suggest MC be entered into

We went to 1 session and he decided IC was better right now, he starts Wednesday.

I have followed your posts...but have not really seen you post much about anger and rage....have you experienced that yet?

I experienced anger and rage that 1st night and a couple weeks on/off. It now comes and goes. I don't want to put much energy/time into it. Cause then I/we say things that we may not truly mean.


WS trying to grasp a quick, easy answer as to why they committed the heinous act of adultery

Not defending him here, but this is an underlying issue we have had forever along with not being able to communicate what we want from each other.


things I am interested in changing for ME anyway...and CAN be changed

I started working on me before the A was revealed cause I was tired of who I had become and needed to change to save ME.

Thanks for your replies and helpful words of wisdom.

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