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Newest Member: lostsoul8008 (61557)

User Topic: can you legally seek $ back from OW?
♀ 40347
Member # 40347
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have kept digging for information even though he wants to reconcile. He won't share details about things - just keeps saying the past is the past and if we don't intend to repeat it, why dwell on it. He tells me to stop asking questions, he thought we were moving forward. I am not in a place where I trust yet. So, in my digging I found some old emails. One of them from OW to my WH, she asks him to add money to her account. I asked him how much he gave her over the period of A. He was reluctant at first and now admits it was several thousand dollars. I do have credit card evidence of the gifts he gave her too- also several thousand dollars. We have 4 kids, now 2 in college as of August, and we are not wealthy. I am a stay at home mom and part of the reason I agreed to reconcile is that I don't know how I will make it on my own after having not worked in 9 years, and with children to support. The state I live in sucks as far as divorce settlements go. If I have proven documentation, bank statements of his wiring $$ to her account and credit card statements showing purchases of gifts - can I legally get OW to repay it since I never approved the expenditures and they did come from $ in joint account. I want reparation from that whore.

The grass isn't greener on the other side, it is greener where you water it.

Posts: 58 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am getting 1/2 the amount of the direct cash that STBX gave to the OW. In total it's many thousands of dollars if you count the gifts, dinners, hotels & spas and flowers yadda yadda yadda. But they don't count all that, only the outright cash transfers. I'm getting half of the amount that I can prove (he conveniently refused to provide full financial disclosure). It's considered marital assets, so I'm getting half of it. But I'm getting it from STBX, not from the OW.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ 33867
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never approved the expenditures and they did come from $ in joint account

It is joint account, there is no requirement that you approve the expenditures.

You may find this helpful:

ME: 57 BS
HIM: 64 WH
Married: 32 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 6 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.

Posts: 2441 | Registered: Nov 2011
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it was in a joint account, I don't think that you can legally get it back from her, however, I certainly would open my own account and then tell him that he is repaying me directly back for all of the money he spent on the OW. He can get a temp job delivering pizzas for all I would care I would want that money BACK.

And BTW, he isn't in R if he refuses to give you the information you need to start to heal. He's just sorry he was caught.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10084 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Topic Posts: 4

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