I've been lurking on here for some time, and even though I didn't "just" find out, it's my first time talking about myself so I thought I'd post here. I'm glad I found this site and I hope to get good info and support from the members as I have seen you give to others.
I'm going to try to get through it, even though it hurts so much. I may come off as jumbled or leave stuff out and I'm sorry if my story is confusing.
Okay, here goes. I met my STBXWH 10 years ago. We both worked at the same place and started dating a few months after meeting... the attraction was that strong. I fell quickly for this man I saw as the epitome of everything I ever wanted and he was so good and loving, I never felt so happy.
Two years later, we got married and I was beyond happy. About six months after we got married, he decided he wanted to quit his job and go to law school, which I supported since I knew he didn't like our work (hotel industry.) I supported him while he went to school and we put off having kids for a few years. It was tough and I had to pull extra shifts, but I thought it was an investment in our future and I was happy to do it. He was often moody and distant during this time, but I chalked that up to extreme stress of school. Little did I know.
He passed the Bar and got a good job shortly afterward. Everything was great and we started talking about having kids, but decided to travel and enjoy our single lives for awhile.
Last year we decided to start trying and were delighted to get pregnant rather quickly. A few months into my pregnancy, the moodiness returned and I didn't know what to think. He just told me he was feeling some ambivalence about being a father. That was news to me! He had been as enthusiastic about it as I had. He assured me he'd come around once the baby was born. Meanwhile, he started working late and going out with his friends more. He said he had to get it out of his system, and I was the idiot who believed him.
Our beautiful DD was born in January and I was so thrilled. Even started acting like his old loving self and I thought things were going to be great. We went home with our baby and I started adjusting to life as a new mom.
Then, without warning, he dropped a bomb on me. He called from work saying he'd be home in a few hours and needed to talk. I was so in the baby fog, I didn't even put it together. He got home and told me calmly, in a matter-of-fact voice that he was leaving us forever. He wanted a divorce and he would would be a generous person and let us have the house.
Shock could not begin to describe it. After a few minutes of wide-eyed staring, I managed to ask if he loved someone else. He wasn't even ashamed to say that he did. He had apparently met someone else in law school and they had carried on an EA for some time, but she broke it off with him just after they graduated to be with a guy she had decided to date seriously. He told me that she was amazing and totally out of his league and that the only reason he didn't leave me then was because he never thought he had a chance with her.
But, in those months that I was pregnant, when he was acting strangely, they reconnected. She had broken up with her boyfriend and they had taken their EA right to a PA. So he decided to commit to her and didn't want to be with me anymore, or our DD. He said he never really wanted kids and I should be happy because I got the baby I always wanted.
Again, I cannot express the shock and devastation I felt and still feel. I couldn't even speak and he took that as permission to go and walked out the door. He filed papers that afternoon. That was in March. I haven't seen him since.
Luckily, I have a great family and moved in with my sister and her family immediately because I needed support so badly and I couldn't stand to be in our marital house. He blocked my phone number and my family's and all of our friends. He's even cut off his own family! The only way I can contact him is through an email account he created just for the purpose of talking to me and through his attorney.
I did manage to get a little bit out of his brother, who seems to be disgusted with his actions. Basically, his new fiance (they're engaged already!) has no idea that he was married and has a daughter. He is keeping her in the dark about who he really is.
WHO THE HELL DOES THIS??? What kind of monster is this man? How did I not know he was capable of doing this to his wife and baby? He basically wants to pretend we never existed! It's disgusting! And the worst part is, I don't feel like I can do anything about it. I suppose I could try to track him down, but his brother (whom he hasn't spoken to since March) thinks he left town with the new fiance to start a new life. I don't blame her at all... she has no idea about the toad she's going to marry. Our divorce will be final in a few months and I'm not fighting it at all. He left everything behind, all our assets except our joint checking account that he drained. Once the divorce is final, I'll sell the house (I still haven't gone back there) and move on with my life. I found a great therapist who's helping me get through all this. It's going to be hard to keep going, but I know I'll make it.
If you read all this, I really appreciate it. This is the first time I've been able to write this out without hysterically crying.