a therapist...the ow...and specialized i guess in child therapy. they met on one of those interracial dating sites. she had a boyfriend too. this was his lta...and she is the one who is 15 years older than us.
it has been a tough day...i have been posting a lot...triggering. and i do need to vent. i didnt want to write in my journal...just to my friends online.
i am bothered that she is a therapist...not his personal one...but just that she is a therapist. she made a point to tell me every single detail about their affair when it all came out. she sent me a long email telling me all the personal things he "shared" with her. it hurt deeply to know that she knew so much. about his childhood, our marriage...my infertility issues...our son...the issues i have with his family. you name it. and she told me it all. she also was aware of his addiction issues, and talked at length about how she and his family were trying to get him into rehab during our separation.
she told me that he took her to dinner, sent her gifts...and that they had an emotional connection. she even told me that his dad and brother called her to tell her that he was okay, when i called the police on him for a domestic violence incident...and he went to jail for a week. he was very active in his addiction during our separation...and was pretty much the biggest fool you ever would want to meet.
but it hurts that he confided in her.
she also told me this:
1. most of the time she would see him would be at night, when me and the baby were sleeping, he would sneak out.
2. that she was a sex addict, and diagnosed him as one too.
3. that she had herpes (i am fine and didnt catch anything)..but she made a point to tell me that he knew she had that and was okay with it.
4. and when she got mad for me telling her off, she threatend to tell the police that he was an addict and that she would have my baby taken from us. i felt so intimidated by that...i quickly got scared...and wasnt sure what to say after she said that.
5. and it bothers me that when he would get upset with me during the false r for triggering, he would go to her..and she would give him marital advice.
how can she give a man who is cheating with HER marital advice? doesnt that seem sick to you guys? it makes me feel dirty...and so utterly betrayed that they "worked together" to fool me.
she told me that when i would travel for buisness, he would come over...and have one of his friends watch our baby while he came to see her.
yes, she told me everything.
then, she tried to tell me that i needed to find a man who really loved me...who deserved me....who wasnt so broken and damaged. and that we should have gotten into real couples therapy a few years ago.
i mean, she was trying to give me advice...and she was sleeping with my husband.
in some sick way, she tried to befriend me months after this all came out. she would send me an email about addiction issues with an article she found online about how to deal with addiction. and then she sent the same article to my h at work with no return address.
i find is all so appalling.
now this woman is probably the ugliest woman i have seen in a really long time. but it didnt matter...she was good enough to cheat with...and share all his personal business with.
now, my h is all in as far as r. i think he is utterly mortified and ashamed at his behavior...and i think he literally cringes when i talk about her..even though he does talk about it.
when i scoured through phone records i see that most of their conversations seemed to take place at 2, 3, 4am...
i blame all of this on my h. but i still wonder what kind of sick relationship this was.
shouldnt a therapist know better than to get involved with a married man, with a baby...an addict, and someoen who has a lot of issues....and who sneaks out in the middle of the night to have sex?
who knows...maybe she felt special since he confided in her like he would a therapist. it just seems so sick to me.
but it is the same ole story as with most cheaters. when he got put out, and was on his ass....their relationship could not survive. i guess it wasnt so special afterall when they had every opportunity to make it "work" during our separation. as soon as i learned the truth about them, he dumped her immediately.
the whole affair just seems like a bunch of BS, and a waste of time. what good came out of it. nothing.
i think i am just having a bad day....and torturing myself by thinking about "all he did."
some wise SIers told me that she LOVED sharing with me all the details after she got dumped. that she was not trying to help me at all...and that she took pleasure at telling me all of that trash.
i know the SIers were right. it just hurts tonight.
[This message edited by sri624 at 3:05 AM, September 7th (Saturday)]