"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

sri624 posted 9/7/2013 03:01 AM

a therapist...the ow...and specialized i guess in child therapy. they met on one of those interracial dating sites. she had a boyfriend too. this was his lta...and she is the one who is 15 years older than us.

it has been a tough day...i have been posting a lot...triggering. and i do need to vent. i didnt want to write in my journal...just to my friends online.

i am bothered that she is a therapist...not his personal one...but just that she is a therapist. she made a point to tell me every single detail about their affair when it all came out. she sent me a long email telling me all the personal things he "shared" with her. it hurt deeply to know that she knew so much. about his childhood, our marriage...my infertility issues...our son...the issues i have with his family. you name it. and she told me it all. she also was aware of his addiction issues, and talked at length about how she and his family were trying to get him into rehab during our separation.

she told me that he took her to dinner, sent her gifts...and that they had an emotional connection. she even told me that his dad and brother called her to tell her that he was okay, when i called the police on him for a domestic violence incident...and he went to jail for a week. he was very active in his addiction during our separation...and was pretty much the biggest fool you ever would want to meet.

but it hurts that he confided in her.

she also told me this:

1. most of the time she would see him would be at night, when me and the baby were sleeping, he would sneak out.

2. that she was a sex addict, and diagnosed him as one too.

3. that she had herpes (i am fine and didnt catch anything)..but she made a point to tell me that he knew she had that and was okay with it.

4. and when she got mad for me telling her off, she threatend to tell the police that he was an addict and that she would have my baby taken from us. i felt so intimidated by that...i quickly got scared...and wasnt sure what to say after she said that.

5. and it bothers me that when he would get upset with me during the false r for triggering, he would go to her..and she would give him marital advice.

how can she give a man who is cheating with HER marital advice? doesnt that seem sick to you guys? it makes me feel dirty...and so utterly betrayed that they "worked together" to fool me.

she told me that when i would travel for buisness, he would come over...and have one of his friends watch our baby while he came to see her.

yes, she told me everything.

then, she tried to tell me that i needed to find a man who really loved me...who deserved me....who wasnt so broken and damaged. and that we should have gotten into real couples therapy a few years ago.

i mean, she was trying to give me advice...and she was sleeping with my husband.

in some sick way, she tried to befriend me months after this all came out. she would send me an email about addiction issues with an article she found online about how to deal with addiction. and then she sent the same article to my h at work with no return address.

i find is all so appalling.

now this woman is probably the ugliest woman i have seen in a really long time. but it didnt matter...she was good enough to cheat with...and share all his personal business with.

now, my h is all in as far as r. i think he is utterly mortified and ashamed at his behavior...and i think he literally cringes when i talk about her..even though he does talk about it.

when i scoured through phone records i see that most of their conversations seemed to take place at 2, 3, 4am...

i blame all of this on my h. but i still wonder what kind of sick relationship this was.

shouldnt a therapist know better than to get involved with a married man, with a baby...an addict, and someoen who has a lot of issues....and who sneaks out in the middle of the night to have sex?

who knows...maybe she felt special since he confided in her like he would a therapist. it just seems so sick to me.

but it is the same ole story as with most cheaters. when he got put out, and was on his ass....their relationship could not survive. i guess it wasnt so special afterall when they had every opportunity to make it "work" during our separation. as soon as i learned the truth about them, he dumped her immediately.

the whole affair just seems like a bunch of BS, and a waste of time. what good came out of it. nothing.

i think i am just having a bad day....and torturing myself by thinking about "all he did."

some wise SIers told me that she LOVED sharing with me all the details after she got dumped. that she was not trying to help me at all...and that she took pleasure at telling me all of that trash.

i know the SIers were right. it just hurts tonight.

[This message edited by sri624 at 3:05 AM, September 7th (Saturday)]

click4it posted 9/7/2013 03:15 AM

Wow, I'm so sorry. I really really hope she isn't practicing in her field anymore. I know she is "human", but wow...that's just sick.

sri624 posted 9/7/2013 03:32 AM

yes, she still is a practicing therapist. but since she wasnt his personal therapist on record...it really is her personal business i guess.

the whole affair just seems sick, doesnt it? twisted really.

[This message edited by sri624 at 3:34 AM, September 7th (Saturday)]

Betrayed67 posted 9/7/2013 04:10 AM

I'm sorry for your pain. I just find it so sick what this therapist/OW had done to you.

HUGS

devasted30 posted 9/7/2013 04:23 AM

I hope you have proof of all of this - written info, copies of any correspondence. She needs to be reported. Someone like this should not be still practising in her field.
This is not a joking matter. She needs to be reported, investigated and probably banned from her field. Does no one else see how bad and destroying this is.
Run do not walk to the medical board and report her.
Not just for yourself but for anyone else she might come into contact to under the guise of "helping out".

painpaingoaway posted 9/7/2013 06:15 AM

4. and when she got mad for me telling her off, she threatend to tell the police that he was an addict and that she would have my baby taken from us. i felt so intimidated by that...i quickly got scared...and wasnt sure what to say after she said that.

Good God! Clearly she is a personality disordered, demented human being. And to be a practicing therapist!?!?! Just sick. Absolutely sick.

Yes, I believe she needs to be reported. Whether or not anything could ever be done about it, I have no idea, but darn if I wouldn't try.

This is so scary, and a lesson to us all when it comes to choosing and working with therapists: buyer beware! There are some good ones out there, but there are also some horrible ones. If you don't feel good about, or helped by your MC/IC within the first few sessions, move on.

Sri, I'm sorry you had to deal with such a monster. It is truly mind boogling that people like her even exist, much less work in a 'helping' profession. Lord, I feel sorry for her clients.

Holly-Isis posted 9/7/2013 06:27 AM

Contact the licensing board. If they say there's nothing to be done (I'd push the fact that she diagnosed him and apparently can't control her sex addiction).

If they refuse to do anything, you could consider leaving honest reviews on sites like Yelp and wherever you can find her listed. Compose it with your H...maybe even have him leave them. MrH agreed to this when I decided something needed to be done about the M & Family therapist that xOw2 saw. The therapist agreed to see MrH and told both of them that cheating was a way to "find their happy". I verified this in emails and MrH's final email to the therapist begging for guidance after d-day (she abandoned him, BTW).

People check more often these days for reviews online. If you can verify the information, I say leave as many reviews as you can. First try going through the licensing board though.

[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 6:27 AM, September 7th (Saturday)]

20WrongsVs1 posted 9/7/2013 08:46 AM

Call the licensing board in your state and ask if you can make a report against a psychologist who isn't treating you, but who made a threat against your family because of inside information she learned while having a sexual relationship with your H.

I had a somewhat similar situation. xAP is a bigshot lawyer, and after we outed him to OBS, he called me and threatened to hurt our business. I called the State Bar and they said an ethics claim against him had potential merit, even though I didn't pay him for advice.

Girlietoo posted 9/7/2013 08:59 AM

I absolutely think she sound be reported to her governing body. Even if they can't do anything, you will have outed her. She sounds like she has some pretty serious issues of her own and really shouldn't be in a position of trust with vulnerable people.

Undone1 posted 9/7/2013 09:21 AM

sri...WOW! That is totally disgusting and I agree that she needs to be reported to her licensing board ASAP! Provide as much documentation to them as possible. She is one sick woman and should NOT be practicing!

The OW in my situation was also a soon to be therapist and took on that role in their A. Since the OW in my situation was not yet a therapist, there was nothing I could do. But, she did make every effort to manipulate me when she discussed the A. Lots of psychobabble, which means nothing if you don't live it!

Take pride in knowing that you are not the kind of person that would be so sick as to use their therapeutic techniques to manipulate and coerce others in this same way. She has no power over you!

jjsr posted 9/7/2013 09:41 AM

I say to report her to the state licensing committee.

sinsof thefather posted 9/7/2013 09:50 AM

I say to report her to the state licensing committee.

This ^ Her conduct is appalling and they should know the type of person they have approved - she used her therapy 'skills' on your husband whether she was his personal therapist or not.

emotionalgirl posted 9/7/2013 10:33 AM

I hate to say this but something I have realized working in the medical field...every one of us who work in these field have some sort of personality disorder ( if I may call it that). It is why most of us are so good at our jobs. Most really good nurses are co-dependent, psych nurses have a tiny bit of a psych issue somewhere, and if you dig deep almost every therapist has some kind of history ( it is what drives us to our professions). The trick is to weed out the real crazies and psychopaths like this bitch!

By the way my WH OW also gave him marital advice, he said that is why they became friends because he could talk to her about our problems and she gave him advice to help his marriage. all while sending him sexy texts and sitting beside him while he lied to me on the phone about where he was and who he was with. She was such a giver!

[This message edited by emotionalgirl at 10:34 AM, September 7th (Saturday)]

SisterMilkshake posted 9/7/2013 10:33 AM

Well, the OW certainly seems to live up to at least the first half of her profession's title.

Not only did this OW get pleasure in sending the details to you, sri, she was using her psychological skills to manipulate you, or at least try to. She had a goal in sending those to you and it wasn't to "help" you or your WH. I am sure part of her goal was to hurt you and I am sorry that it did hurt you and is still hurting you. (((sri)))

I agree she needs to be reported. Don't worry about what they can do, leave it to them. You do have evidence and make sure you tell them that, too.

PamJ posted 9/7/2013 11:52 AM

Are the things she told you in writing? Emailed or otherwise? She should definitely be reported to the licensing board if you have it i writing, otherwise it could be considered slander. Either way I would post it on yelp and on -----. She is one sick OW, and I mean that literally , but not in the way of her own self-diagnosis, which seems so convenient these days. Everything is a disease and a cause/excuse rather than poor moral and ethical judgement.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 2:47 PM, September 7th (Saturday)]

PamJ posted 9/7/2013 11:57 AM

<<By the way my WH OW also gave him marital advice, he said that is why they became friends because he could talk to her about our problems and she gave him advice to help his marriage. all while sending him sexy texts and sitting beside him while he lied to me on the phone about where he was and who he was with. She was such a giver>>

Oh, yes, THAT script, my WH told me that about both his EA OW. They were helping each other, she pushed him towards recommitting to me. However, when he attempted to do that, and she sensed him distancing himself from her she 'cried for days' and then of course the 'how are you doing?' as if she really cared, to worm her way back into his online fantasy world. Oh yes, they are very good at giving advice and they are very nice to the WSs, just not the BSs.

sri624 posted 9/7/2013 12:06 PM

i woke up this morning..and i feel better...after getting this out to you all last night. and your posts really have me support and comfort. i knew that you would tell me straight...that i am not being emotional by thinking that this "relationship" was demented and sick.

i have saved every correspondence she sent me. especially the one where she said that she would report my h to the authorities that he had addiction issues and have the baby taken away. talk about going really low. i mean, why threated our child? some "love" they had....mad or not...for her to go that low seems...well...sick.

we have been nc for almost a year. the last contact she made was a few weeks ago when she sent him an invite to connect with her on linked in....almost a year later. wow.

but it was ignored after my h told me about it.

i am afraid if i report her, it will just stir everything up again. since so much time has passed. but i do think it is wise like you said to save her correspondence and use them if she tries to contact us again.

my own ic tells me that she is a "psycho bitch in heat that cant let go, and that she needs to be on her couch." i think both my ic, our mc...and his rehab therapist are all appalled. they always ask the same question...."and she is a licensing therapist?"

her last email to me was back in feb, which was ignored. and she said..."i dont know what is going on with you all, and dont mean to bother...but i came across this article on addiction and i just couldnt resist sending it to you." i ignored her. i told you she send an anonymous letter with that article to my husbands job...he brought it home to me. again, nc. this correspondence was the day after valentines day..so who knows.

you know what though? i do think my h got caught up in the therapist talk with her...and most likely felt she knew so much. i can only imagine. when i look back during the false r, i remember him asking me therapy questions about "fear of abandonment"...stuff like that. now i know this was her giving him marital advice.

just will never understand how a mistress therapst can ever "help" a BS...and have sex with a married man, give him marital advice...and think you are helping him. and knowing all of his FOO, addiction issues...seems like a red flag that the situation is a disaster waiting to happen.

and it was. it hurt everyone.

who knows, maybe the appeal of a man almost 15 years younger was just too much to resist.

she told me..."i have seen his insides....and they are beautiful."

i guess only a therapist can see his insides.

SisterMilkshake posted 9/7/2013 12:53 PM

For some reason I thought that other doctors/therapists had an obligation to report any other doctors/therapists they know is engaging in unethical practices. What do your ic, mc, and your husband's therapist say about reporting her?

I feel you should report her regardless, but you must do what you feel is the right thing for you, sri.

Oh, this psychologist was definitely using her psychological skills in manipulating and hooking your wayward husband. That is what is so sick. She is trained in this, she knows exactly what to do to push certain personality types. This is why I feel she needs to be reported. I don't believe your husband is/was/will be her only "victim" in her sick games.

cruelty posted 9/7/2013 13:12 PM

I don't know if its reportable or not, it does sound like she was a twisted person.
There are personality disordered people in helping professions, they tend to be the boundary crossers. Because what they do is in the name of caring, others are shot down when pointing out if someone is on a slippery slope. So the behavior can grow, metastasize. I think it's normal to care about people and want to help, but it takes a lot of honesty to stay straight. Clearly this woman uses her knowledge to manipulate. No one calls her on it . You could--even if its not a patient it could be on the record so when the inevitable fling with a troubled child's dad starts, they will have a history.

SisterMilkshake posted 9/7/2013 13:18 PM

when the inevitable fling with a troubled child's dad starts, they will have a history

Agree!