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Sitting here triggering but not because of the A

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Mack9512 posted 9/7/2013 07:42 AM

On Sept. 11, 2001, I worked in Tower 1 at the World Trade Center in NYC. Today I'm sitting in my kitchen with the puppy on my lap, moving in and out of crying jags.
It all started with one news story about the 9/11 Memorial Museum. Just about every piece of the buildings they showed I recognized; and with every piece more tears fell. Unfortunately, DD was sitting next to me when the story came on. She knows about the day and that I was there so she started asking questions. One question that I could not answer was "Why would anyone do that?"
I honestly expected last year's anniversary to be more triggery, but I guess I was too in shock to give the date more than a glimmer of recognition.

Ugh. Just...ugh.

dazdandconfuzed posted 9/7/2013 08:09 AM

(((Mack))) I'm so sorry for your pain.

sad12008 posted 9/7/2013 09:04 AM

(((Mack9512)))

I think when you've somewhat steeled yourself for a potential trigger, your guard is raised and you're better equipped to handle the emotions that may erupt. It's those ones where you're just going about your business and WHAM! ...it's in your face -- those are the ones that get through your armor most effectively.

I'm sorry you're dealing with those revived feelings, and hope puppy therapy really helps you move through it readily. The magnitude of that day is just mind-boggling; all through grade school I never quite "got" Pearl Harbor on a visceral level because I had no frame of reference. I kind of do, now.

Hope your puppy's young enough to still have puppy breath; it's known to have restorative powers.

metamorphisis posted 9/7/2013 09:24 AM

Mack, I was talking about 9/11 yesterday too with my dd. There was something about the weather and the sky that was exactly the same. All morning I was living in the past. It was the same time I started dating my husband, and my dd had just started kindergarten and the day was beautiful and I just had the eeriest feeling all morning.

And I wasn't THERE. Please be kind to yourself, between the weather, the smells of Fall, the time of year, the show you watched, well I am sure you are unearthing some very very powerful associations. You are dealing with them now because in some way it's safe to do so, and your mind is ready. Be gentle, honor those feelings and make sure to talk to us, your friends and family and a counselor if you need. Sending you love.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:25 AM, September 7th (Saturday)]

jo2love posted 9/7/2013 11:30 AM

(((Mack)))

I'm sorry.

authenticnow posted 9/7/2013 19:35 PM

(((Mack)))

jrc1963 posted 9/7/2013 20:06 PM

(((Mack)))

Pentup posted 9/7/2013 21:45 PM

((Mack))
I was in the air that day. I have a flight this coming Wednesday and it is making me , I can not begin to imagine what it is like for you. Be kind to yourself. Maybe do a kindness for someone else as a tribute to those that were lost that day?
I had not thought of doing that myself until I typed it for you. think I will plan a random kindness in the airport this week.

Dreamboat posted 9/7/2013 22:25 PM

((((huge hugs))))

I cannot imagine your pain. I did not know a single person directly affected by the terror that day, but I still get upset when I see programs about that day or the victims or the survivors or the memorial or really anything.

My DD was 4 in 2001 and does not remember that day or what life was like "before". I few months ago I tried to explain to her how everything changed that day for every American not just those directly affected. I could not even being to explain how it affected those in NYC or DC, let alone those directly affected.

I wish you peace in the coming days.

Rollercoaster posted 9/8/2013 01:00 AM

(((Mack9512)))

Mack9512 posted 9/8/2013 07:19 AM

Thanks for the support everyone. Yesterday was hard and I don't expect the next 4 days to be any easier. My H is trying very hard to keep my mind off of the upcoming anniversary. It's not working but I appreciate the effort, especially since last year he never even acknowledged the day.

sisoon posted 9/8/2013 11:45 AM

I suspect not triggering would be unhealthy. Sort of makes you wonder why people want to be healthy.... Be very kind to yourself.

I'm glad you're still here.

(((Mack)))

nowiknow23 posted 9/8/2013 12:31 PM

((((Mack)))) Sending you comfort, honey.

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