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Newest Member: PacificBlue (46043)

User Topic: Grrrrrr...WS says the stupidest things!
emotionalgirl
♀ 40184
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This morning WH got dressed to take our godson and his buddy out fishing, he put on a pair of denim shorts. I trying to work at being a bit nicer as a BW say to him ( I have been a serious bitch for a week) " those shorts make your ass look nice". His response " don't tell my girlfriend."

WTF....I sat there stunned with my mouth open, then said you no longer have a girlfriend remember asshole and just walked out of the room! He of course realized immediately what he had said and came after me saying he is so stupid and opens his mouth without thinking and shit comes out ( we used to crack what seemed like harmless jokes all the time in the past).

His EA only ended 1 week ago and I am still in the angry phase of my recovery. This just triggered it all for me. It's a good thing he has gone fishing otherwise it might have gotten ugly....he has already texted me twice saying " you know I was joking right? Please don't give up on me just cause I'm a total idiot...I love you". Sigh.....he really is a total idiot!

Just an FYI for all those who may jump to bad conclusions....I have safeguards and evidence to provide concrete proof he has had NC for a week and know for sure he is with godson today who is autistic and he would never disappoint!


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
shatteredheart7
♀ 39734
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My Fwh and I use to joke like that also, what seems like many years ago now. Now it seems that it is turned around. He will swear he told me something and I will smart off... no you didn't, must have been your girlfriend you told. I TRY to say it as a joke but it never seems to come out that way. It has been a year since I found out, and I am STILL angry!

They are idiots, they have proven that! But the way I have decided to look at it is, in my case he is my idiot and I love him so maybe that makes me an idiot also.


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
musiclovingmom
♀ 38207
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Used to be a big joke in our house too. And, was a joke in my FOO. It's one of the things I struggle with. I miss that light, flippant attitude. Not because cheating is funny, but because there was so much trust that the notion of him having a girlfriend was as far fetched as him having a home on Pluto. A year out and everything is still heavier somehow. I keep hoping that time thing will help lift some weight off our relationship.

Posts: 1173 | Registered: Jan 2013
Broken1Again
♀ 32211
Member # 32211
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, in my WS case he would have said "Don't tell my girlfriends"

I'm in a mood...at least I can semi laugh at myself or my situation...but ya, what a total asinine thing to say! I would have done the exact same thing. I'm glad he's apologizing though and not telling you to "get over it". Small baby steps in the right direction...


BS: 40
WS: 42
Two boys 13/11
Married 15 years
Dday: too Many to remember. 3 significant OW and many "less"'significant OW. Believe WS has bad boundaries and craves the attention.
In R.

Posts: 883 | Registered: May 2011
nomistakeaboutit
♂ 36857
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First, he's an idiot for saying that. Nothing less than a complete idiot.

So, he stepped over an unacceptable humor boundary, because why? He has boundary issues.

Those types of jokes have never been too funny to me, past tense. Present tense, do I even need to say it?


Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 5
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 968 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
StillLivin
♀ 40229
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Uhhggggg. I feel your pain.
STBXH and I used to joke all the time about Sancho and Sancha. I still joked during his affair, unbeknownst to me he had a Sancha.
No wonder he started looking guilty after his A.
Yep, idiot describes you FWH.
Hope one day you can joke and have trust again.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2556 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
emotionalgirl
♀ 40184
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shattered....your right he is MY idiot and I do love him otherwise I wouldn't still be here!

I do hope one day the heaviness and inability to joke will go away, but it will take time......

I was thinking the other day that even if I had walked away from my marriage, I feel so ripped apart that I wouldn't even be able to trust a decent guy if I met one. I don't know if I can ever completely trust any man again....sigh......I hate this.


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
simpleD
♀ 40321
Member # 40321
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup, what a dumb a$$ hurtful thing for him to say. He probably didn't mean it the way you took it but I would taken offense too. My fWH used to make jokes like that too - before the A. Now, they are just not funny anymore. Glad to hear you are working a R.


BS(me)48; WH 49
High School Sweethearts
Together 32 years
Married 25 years
DD, 20 years
Dday 8/11
In Recovery

Posts: 22 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: United States
MammaMia
♀ 34030
Member # 34030
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We used to joke like this, too. For example a common joke for both of us would have been, calling the other person notifying him/her that one of us was on the way home and the end-line would have been:'Kick your boyfriend/girlfriend out." The last time we joked like that was 4 years ago before I started suspecting. It ended once I confronted.


And once the storm is over, you wonít remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you wonít be the same person who walked in. Thatís what this stormís all about.Ē

Posts: 884 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Somewhere in the South
emotionalgirl
♀ 40184
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks simple....mamma we used to make that joke all the time...NOT anymore. I miss the "levity" of our marriage


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
Sadwife222
♀ 40050
Member # 40050
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They take all the innocence and carefree happiness out of life. Sadness and mistrust have replaced them.


Me BW, Him WH (sosorry54)
DD 4/12/13
TT until 9/18/14

Posts: 151 | Registered: Jul 2013
standinghere
♂ 34689
Member # 34689
Default  Posted: 1:10 AM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same here, all the jokes ended when the cheating was exposed. My wife didnt get that for a while, but after a few funnies that weren't funny 1/2 a second later, she got it that those jokes will never be funny again, not when she's telling them anyway.


BH - Me - Late 30's (now late 40's)
WW - Her - Late 30's (now late 40's)
4 Children
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled - Partly...she can't get over it.
Her - Thunderstruck by what she did.

Posts: 1031 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 12

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