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Grrrrrr...WS says the stupidest things!

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emotionalgirl posted 9/7/2013 10:13 AM

This morning WH got dressed to take our godson and his buddy out fishing, he put on a pair of denim shorts. I trying to work at being a bit nicer as a BW say to him ( I have been a serious bitch for a week) " those shorts make your ass look nice". His response " don't tell my girlfriend."

WTF....I sat there stunned with my mouth open, then said you no longer have a girlfriend remember asshole and just walked out of the room! He of course realized immediately what he had said and came after me saying he is so stupid and opens his mouth without thinking and shit comes out ( we used to crack what seemed like harmless jokes all the time in the past).

His EA only ended 1 week ago and I am still in the angry phase of my recovery. This just triggered it all for me. It's a good thing he has gone fishing otherwise it might have gotten ugly....he has already texted me twice saying " you know I was joking right? Please don't give up on me just cause I'm a total idiot...I love you". Sigh.....he really is a total idiot!

Just an FYI for all those who may jump to bad conclusions....I have safeguards and evidence to provide concrete proof he has had NC for a week and know for sure he is with godson today who is autistic and he would never disappoint!

shatteredheart7 posted 9/7/2013 10:26 AM

My Fwh and I use to joke like that also, what seems like many years ago now. Now it seems that it is turned around. He will swear he told me something and I will smart off... no you didn't, must have been your girlfriend you told. I TRY to say it as a joke but it never seems to come out that way. It has been a year since I found out, and I am STILL angry!

They are idiots, they have proven that! But the way I have decided to look at it is, in my case he is my idiot and I love him so maybe that makes me an idiot also.

musiclovingmom posted 9/7/2013 10:32 AM

Used to be a big joke in our house too. And, was a joke in my FOO. It's one of the things I struggle with. I miss that light, flippant attitude. Not because cheating is funny, but because there was so much trust that the notion of him having a girlfriend was as far fetched as him having a home on Pluto. A year out and everything is still heavier somehow. I keep hoping that time thing will help lift some weight off our relationship.

Broken1Again posted 9/7/2013 10:50 AM

Well, in my WS case he would have said "Don't tell my girlfriends"

I'm in a least I can semi laugh at myself or my situation...but ya, what a total asinine thing to say! I would have done the exact same thing. I'm glad he's apologizing though and not telling you to "get over it". Small baby steps in the right direction...

nomistakeaboutit posted 9/7/2013 11:02 AM

First, he's an idiot for saying that. Nothing less than a complete idiot.

So, he stepped over an unacceptable humor boundary, because why? He has boundary issues.

Those types of jokes have never been too funny to me, past tense. Present tense, do I even need to say it?

StillLivin posted 9/7/2013 11:22 AM

Uhhggggg. I feel your pain.
STBXH and I used to joke all the time about Sancho and Sancha. I still joked during his affair, unbeknownst to me he had a Sancha.
No wonder he started looking guilty after his A.
Yep, idiot describes you FWH.
Hope one day you can joke and have trust again.

emotionalgirl posted 9/7/2013 12:59 PM

Shattered....your right he is MY idiot and I do love him otherwise I wouldn't still be here!

I do hope one day the heaviness and inability to joke will go away, but it will take time......

I was thinking the other day that even if I had walked away from my marriage, I feel so ripped apart that I wouldn't even be able to trust a decent guy if I met one. I don't know if I can ever completely trust any man again....sigh......I hate this.

simpleD posted 9/7/2013 13:09 PM

Yup, what a dumb a$$ hurtful thing for him to say. He probably didn't mean it the way you took it but I would taken offense too. My fWH used to make jokes like that too - before the A. Now, they are just not funny anymore. Glad to hear you are working a R.

MammaMia posted 9/7/2013 19:30 PM

We used to joke like this, too. For example a common joke for both of us would have been, calling the other person notifying him/her that one of us was on the way home and the end-line would have been:'Kick your boyfriend/girlfriend out." The last time we joked like that was 4 years ago before I started suspecting. It ended once I confronted.

emotionalgirl posted 9/7/2013 19:41 PM

Thanks simple....mamma we used to make that joke all the time...NOT anymore. I miss the "levity" of our marriage

Sadwife222 posted 9/7/2013 19:48 PM

They take all the innocence and carefree happiness out of life. Sadness and mistrust have replaced them.

standinghere posted 9/8/2013 01:10 AM

Same here, all the jokes ended when the cheating was exposed. My wife didnt get that for a while, but after a few funnies that weren't funny 1/2 a second later, she got it that those jokes will never be funny again, not when she's telling them anyway.

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