Being his wife and my kids mother is WHO I AM every second of every day, in my thoughts and actions. For him, being a husband and father is just one of the many hats he wears each day, his thoughts and actions depend upon which hat he's wearing at the time. I don't know who he really is.
With that realisation so much else becomes abundantly clear too. Not least why he got that extra phone he tried to hide. OldCow, he's never been all in in this R from the start, and I highly doubt he's ever been NC with OW either, so you are doing the very best thing you can for YOU in going NC with him and throwing him out. It doesn't make it any easier for you to do, but it does make it the RIGHT thing to do for YOU.
You've been in my thoughts and prayers since this happened, and you will continue to be so today. ((OldCow18))
This was my realization today. Through all of this crap, I realize I know more about who I am and you know what? I like who I am.
I do it all... full-time job, took care of the kids & home, planned vacations and the appts, I was always running the kids to everything. I did all this with little to no help. I was strong, invested, loyal, and present in our lives every single day. He was not. I don't know why I accepted such a pathetic effort from him.
I can & will carry my head high. It sounds like you are doing the same.
Whatever happens, know that you stayed true to yourself and your family.
Being his wife and my kids mother is WHO I AM every second of every day, in my thoughts and actions. For him, being a husband and father is just one of the many hats he wears each day, his thoughts and actions depend upon which hat he's wearing at the time.
Yep, that totally makes sense. No matter what you do, you're mindful of the effect it will have on your husband and children. But he compartmentalizes. He feels he can act like a husband/father sometimes but not others, rather than be mindful that he IS a husband/father all the time.
That's a sad but very powerful realization.
I know tomorrow will be hard. No words of wisdom - we're here for you.